May 2003

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The Outbursts of Everett True by Condo & Raper (1907)

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Posted by Steve Monaco at May 31, 2003 1:43 AM

 

Maybe they did it in the road

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Proving yet again that he's more virile than Ringo, Sir Paul McCartney has been in the news this week (much more in Europe than here) with the announcement that he's a dad-to-be, thanks to his decades-younger wife Heather Mills.

The expectant mother sounds a bit jittery, according to this Brit news story:

"[Ms. Mills] held her thumb and finger an inch apart, and said: 'The chances of me getting pregnant are about that much - and I'm sure for any woman out there it is hard enough when your family keeps saying, "When are you going to have a baby, then?", never mind the whole world keeps saying, "Oh, she's pregnant this week."'"

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 30, 2003 3:22 AM

 

Bad Dialogue of the Week

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WARNING: Explicit sexual talk by really, really old people-- stay away, kids!

This week's bad dialogue sample comes from an absolutely harrowing documentary on wife-swapping called The Lifestyle (1999), one of the very few films on my list of movies I wish to God I'd never seen. Until I did, I was unaware how old the average swinger is: the median age of the people spotlighted in this film has to be at least 60. And yes, there are explicit sex scenes taken at one of their parties-- my eyes!

Our dialogue samples are from two of the more ancient participants, a 70-something party animal talking about what goes on at the average swap soiree, and the oldest couple in the film (if memory serves, she's 79 and he's 82!). Listen here at your own peril.

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 30, 2003 2:41 AM

 

The truth about Bob Hope's USO shows

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"Bob Hope is an applause junkie. Bob Hope will go to the opening of a phone booth at a gas station in Anaheim, provided that they have a camera crew and three people there. He's a pathetic guy."-- Marlon Brando, Playboy interview

The radio show This American Life has a wonderful report on the history of Bob Hope's USO shows-- as host Ira Glass puts it, an examination of what happens when altruism interconnects with self-promotion.

Reporter Margy Rochlin documents how, beginning in 1954, Hope started selling the shows to NBC, and that he had to have been the sole moneymaker on them, since the guest-stars almost always worked for free, and the Pentagon (read: taxpayers) picked up all the travel and lodging expenses. Also, during Viet Nam, Timothy White wrote in Rolling Stone that G.I.s told him that attendance at the USO shows was mandatory, and that they were a captive audience. (Rochlin notes that the long-haired dope-smoking soldiers responded to Hope's golf jokes by giving him the finger and booing him off the stage.)

To be fair, Rochlin also points out what a business genius he was. In 1961, Bob had a clause added to his 40-year contract that all production costs be frozen at 1961 rates-- meaning that every set, piece of equipment and crew member his company used all the way into the '90s cost the going rate from decades past.

The entire piece is great, but the best parts are excerpts from a taped interview Rochlin did with Hope in 1986. As she says, it started with Bob's dog biting her and went downhill from there. He does horrible political jokes for her, and you really feel her pain as she tries to laugh. When the talk turns to Viet Nam and how he was perceived by some of the public, Bob mentions that a couple people once called him a "warmonger" and he sicced the local cops and the FBI on 'em! ("They chased 'em out of the town-- they were some bums that were, you know, probably guys that were defectors or something.")

At the end, Rochlin sums it up beautifully: Hope used international conflict as a marketing tool to further his career.

You can hear her report here (move the Real Audio slider to about 35 minutes in).

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 29, 2003 3:45 PM

 

100 years ago, a ski-nosed asshole was born

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Well, Thursday is the big day-- Bob Hope turns 100. Check out this load of fawning crap from The Scotsman:

"The veteran comedian and entertainer Bob Hope will celebrate his 100th birthday today, in a manner befitting Hollywood royalty.

"A fleet of planes from the Second World War staged a Hollywood flypast, 35 states declared it Bob Hope Day and the street where the star has lived since 1937 was renamed Bob Hope Way.

"Although deaf and dim of sight, the comedian knocked out a one liner to mark the occasion, telling his family: 'I�m so old, they�ve cancelled my blood type.'"

Sure he did. And then he got on the phone and shared the joke with Ronald Reagan. But look at the BFD they're making out of it! WWII planes, the majority of the states making it Hope day, renaming streets. And it gets worse. Look at some of the other bullshit that's going on to honor this unfunny old bastard (from a UPI story):

"The Library of Congress held a tribute to Hope on May 22. In Palm Springs, Calif. -- one of Hope's favorite playgrounds -- '100 Days of Hope' features an exhibit from the entertainer's archives.

"On Tuesday, the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors proclaimed Hope 'Citizen of the Century.'

"The biggest celebrations will come on Thursday, highlighted by ceremonies at the historic intersection of Hollywood and Vine -- which will be renamed 'Bob Hope Square.'"

Jesus! "Citizen of the Century"? I think you could poll everyone in the country for their top 10 nominees for that distinction and Hope wouldn't make it onto a single list, not even his wife's. (According to Hope biographer Arthur Marx, Hope was the kind of womanizer who cheated on the girls he was cheating on his wife with, and on a talk show he claimed that a Hope insider told him that Bob had at least once picked up a transvestite by accident, but then basically said what the hell and had sex anyway.)

Oh, well, he made it, so hats off. Happy birthday, Bob, you funny, funny guy you. May the next 100 be even better. And hey-- you look marvelous!

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 28, 2003 9:14 PM

 

DEMONS AND WONDERS (1987) - Coffin Joe!

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For those not familiar with the films of Brazil's Jose Mojica Marins and the character he plays in them, Ze do Caixao ("Joseph of the Coffins" aka Coffin Joe), I have an introductory piece in an April blog entry-- you can find it here (scroll down).

This short film (49 minutes) is Mojica's cracked autobiography mixed with a big dose of excuses for all the things that went wrong in his life. The story begins with the flush of success from his first horror film, At Midnight I'll Take Your Soul (which is a genuine masterpiece of cheap scary thrills and is remarkably undated) and then recreates his long, confusing fall. He's arrested for a shady film financing deal, which he claims he had no part of, and is publicly humiliated. When he's prevented from making films, he turns to the stage, only to fall and wreck his back right before opening night. Then his father dies, he goes bankrupt, has a stroke . . . in other words, shit happens.

Because he probably couldn't afford in-sync sound, the entire drama is played out in pantomime by Joe and the rest of his cast, which includes his mother, his girlfriend, and a strange-faced hulk of a bodyguard actually named Satan. So as his company of amateurs go through their histrionics, Joe does a voiceover-of-death narration, explaining how evil his enemies were and what they did to Brazilian cinema. In between these poverty-row recreations of his bad breaks are many newspaper headlines from his past, and they're an unexpected treat-- my favorite is the one pertaining to Joe's unorthodox acting auditions: EAT ROACHES AND LICK SKULLS TO GET ROLE IN MOVIE!

The funniest thing about the film is all the stolen music that makes up the soundtrack. Scenes of him at work are accompanied by John Barry's 007 theme, he's arrested to the opening of West Side Story, goes broke with help from Pink Floyd's "Time" and muses over the meaning of it all with the theme from The Summer of '42 in the background as played by Zamfir. (My favorite is a joke that probably didn't translate into Joe's native Portuguese-- when he's shown teaching acting to a roomful of dumb-looking "disciples", as he calls them, the music choice is Lalo Schifrin's theme for Mission: Impossible.)

For an overview of the best of Mojica's films, there's a good website that, among other things, includes the first major article I remember seeing on old Joe, from Michael Weldon's indispensible Psychotronic Magazine. The article also includes a brief interview with Marins.

 

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 27, 2003 6:05 PM

 

The Monday Movie Quiz #5

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This week's quiz is a bit different-- instead of dialogue, it's three music clips, and as always, your job is to identify the film they come from. I admit, this one's tough, but even if you don't know the answer, I promise that you'll hear some of the grooviest music of your life! But if you do know the film, or think you do, send me an email before late Sunday and if you're correct, you'll find yourself in what I predict will be a small but elite circle of winners.

Hints: The score is by my all-time favorite movie-music composer, Ennio Morricone, and in my opinion, this is one of his very best. As for when the film came out, all I can say is, use your ears, for God's sake! Doesn't it just scream swingin' sixties?

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 26, 2003 3:51 AM

 

Last week's Movie Quiz winners

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The answer to last week's quiz is It's a Gift, the virtually perfect 1934 comedy starring the 20th century's funniest fellow, W.C. Fields. There isn't a second of this movie that isn't at least a grin, and often it hits a fever pitch of hilarity that has never been topped (except, perhaps, by his other 10-star classic, The Bank Dick). If you've never seen it, you really don't know how funny a movie can be.

This week's comedy connoisseurs who correctly identified the film were Joe Rosenberg and Sally Ryan-- so far, the quiz's most consistent winners-- and Wayne A. Palmer. Special congratulations to E. Yarber, who not only ID'ed the movie but also gave the name of the boy in the first clip (Tom Bupp) and cited the film's original source material, Field's silent film, It's the Old Army Game. A hearty handclasp to all!

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 26, 2003 3:37 AM

 

Previews of Coming Attractions

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Here are some favorites of mine that I may get around to writing about at length someday. Until then, here are some teasers.

Blue Collar (1978) directed by Paul Schrader

This was the first film Schrader directed, and his commentary on the DVD is basically the story of all the problems he had and all the mistakes he made. The three lead actors-- Richard Pryor, Yaphet Kotto and Harvey Keitel-- who play longtime friends in the film actually hated each other, according to Schrader, and novice director that he was, he didn't know what to do about it or how to control them (there were real fistfights on the set).

There's no trace of that animosity on the screen, though (except for the great closing shot with Pryor and Keitel, old friends who now are about to kill each other), and the story about three assembly-line workers and their financial problems is still fresh today, almost 25 years later. The scene where they steal the safe from their union's headquarters has always been a fave of mine, especially their choice in disguises.

 

The Jackals (1967 - South Africa) starring Vincent Price

Here's a rarity-- a South African spaghetti Western! (For those who have never understood that term, it's used to describe the 500 or so Westerns that came out of Europe in the '60s and '70s, especially Italy, where the genre was basically invented by Sergio Leone.) Surprisingly, even though there's absolutely nothing new about it-- some bank robbers on the lam discover an old man's gold mine-- it's still pretty good, and Price gives an unusual performance that's every bit as fine as his best Hollywood work at the time.

Knowing Me, Knowing You with Alan Partridge (1994 - UK)

Steve Coogan is the funniest man on television, but he's almost completely unknown in the U.S. My personal favorite comedy discovery from last year was the collected TV series that feature Coogan's best known character, uber-prick TV and radio host, Alan Partridge. Partridge began as a sportscaster on an earlier show that Coogan was on, a mock news program called The Day Today. From there, the character hosted his own radio talk show (six of the funniest radio comedies ever) and then on to this, a BBC chat-and-variety show.

A huge Abba fan (his son is named Fernando), Partridge greets his audience with a big "A-ha!", and from there begins one of the greatest train-wrecks of live television. His first guest, an expert, prize-winning horse rider and breeder, refuses Alan's offer to ride and jump a horse on the set because the concrete floor would break its legs. As they take the horse away, it takes a steaming shit on stage, which stays in Alan's shot for the rest of the show.

His second guest, a popular gameshow host, takes offence when Alan brings the host's son out and embarrasses him by mentioning that, because of his divorce agreement, he has to keep his distance from the boy. Things continue to get worse: the seemingly-innocuous pop group that performs suddenly turns into an out-of-control thrash band, and Alan's guest of honor-- Roger Moore-- never makes it to the studio. Finally, the show ends in a three-way critique by the guests of Alan and his show. Alan doesn't take it well.

The other five episodes in the series are even funnier, and they pave the way for Coogan's real triumph, the 1997 series I'm Alan Partridge, a personal off-camera look at the troubled soul of one of broadcasting's all-time bastards. Highest recommendation!

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 25, 2003 7:48 PM

 

Mastermind

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Conjuring up a UFO . . . ?

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 24, 2003 2:34 AM

 

The best-selling DVD on amazon.com

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And the movie won't even be out for another three months. (Ranked #1 DVD as of 2 a.m., May 24)

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 24, 2003 2:01 AM

 

The Outbursts of Everett True by Condo & Raper (1907)

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Posted by Steve Monaco at May 24, 2003 1:24 AM

 

Meet Peter Haskett

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Yes, it's time for another sonic dosage of the greatest audio-verite comedy of all time, Shut Up, Little Man. I now confess that I'm a Ray fan, so perhaps I've been slighting the other half of the team, Lady Peter Haskett. So to rectify that situation, this time we have three soundclips, all of which star ol' Pete. The first is the title track of the "Greatest Hits" CD, where Pete accuses Ray of crucifying dinner. Next, a chat about paying the rent, and finally, Pete teaches Ray another lesson. As Peter would say, isn't that neat?

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 23, 2003 3:04 AM

 

Bad Dialogue of the Week

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"I held the butcher knife up to her neck, and I said, 'If you wanna live to see tomorrow, you better start fryin' them eggs better than you've been a-fryin' 'em-- I'm tired of eatin' slimy, sloppy eggs!'"

Actually, I think this week's dialogue is pretty great, but then, I think the same of everything about Dancing Outlaw, the documentary about tapdancing Elvis impersonator Jesco White. This is the complete unedited version of his preamble to the story of his father's death, where he explains why he and his wife Norma Jean went back to the old man's house instead of going home on that fateful night. Remember-- the word is "sunglasses".

(When this documentary played on public television in the early '90s, Jesco became a sudden celebrity, and he wasn't too partial to his fans, especially the ones who thought they'd pay him a visit at home. Here's a picture of his "welcome mat".)

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 23, 2003 1:48 AM

 

A MOVIE A DAY is dead-- long live COUCH PUNDIT!

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What with all the vintage comics, radio show reviews, Pete & Ray quotes and other things, the title A Movie a Day has just gotten to be deceptive advertising anymore, so it's being put out to cyber-pasture. But this blog carries on under its new title, Couch Pundit. So stay tuned!

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 22, 2003 11:43 PM

 

Bye bye, home schooling

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Last night was my 18-year-old daughter's last day in public school, which means it was also her last day in home schooling. I'll explain.

In Iowa, the only way it is legally possible to home-school your children is through a public-school program called dual enrollment. I think it's actually the best solution there is: you pick and choose how much your kids do at home and how much they do at school. If you don't want them in school at all, then the only contact you have to make is a twice-monthly two-hour visit from one of the teachers in the program. (Ostensibly, they're there to help teach, but everyone on both sides knows their real job is to check up on the home setup, which is why the Christians hate their visits so much-- more about them coming up.)

The grade school my kids would have gone to (and, in the case of my oldest daughter, actually did for three years) was, to be blunt, shitty. I know this better than most-- it's the grade school I went to, and it was shitty way back then. We gave them a brief chance with our oldest and they blew it, so we took her out. A year later, that elementary school was responsible for spreading hepatitis-A across the city of Des Moines. The official reason it was allowed to spread was that the office had run out of notification forms to send home to parents about the exposure, which is lame enough. But a teacher told me the real reason, which was much worse: the outbreak started because the school had been without soap in all the bathrooms since a month after school started.

The big question: Did we do a good job teaching them ourselves? Not really. But even so, this particular school would have done it worse.

When the girls got older, the dual-enrollment program helped get them into classes with good teachers at other schools, and we had no problem letting them take over again. My youngest started school classes full-time almost immediately, but my oldest never did, preferring to pick and choose. Because of this, she will not get a high school diploma-- as a Des Moines school board member tellingly put it, "We should only give out diplomas to those kids who have toughed it out in the schools."

So every year, the Des Moines home-school staff, wonderful and hard-working women all, put on a special ceremony for their seniors; in the case of this year, all 12 of them. My daughter didn't want to go, but did so mainly because she knew the teachers really wanted her to attend. So I told myself that if she could make the sacrifice, so could I.

With the exception of us, the entire room was filled with the kind of Christian families where all the girls have pig-tails and frilly, identical dresses and the men all wear skinny ties and horn-rimmed glasses. (Where do they continue to find them? Is there a chain of evangelical eyewear stores?)

The kids were alright (a reference no one in that room would get), or at least some of them. Three girls played nice solo piano pieces, which the parents and even some teachers talked through. Then the head of the department gave her recognition-and-farewell speech, and it was all right, too. Then things started getting ugly.

Some of the seniors got up and gave talks about what the home-schooling experience meant to them. Even though they knew they had to cool it on talking explicitly about their religion in the ungodly public schoolhouse, it slipped in many times in many sly ways. There were more than a couple of references to the curriculum they used, which the teachers have told me is ultra-right-wing Christian (also lousy). The last speaker, a pimply boy in an achingly square suit, really played the crowd, and it was no surprise when later he stated that he was going to Bible college to become a pastor.

As soon as this last kid sat down, he got right back up again, and with shaky piano accompaniment, he crooned "God Bless the USA." That song is terrible no matter how it's done, but he sang it as though it were a hymn. Often, his wobbly voice would give out, either from emotion or lack of oxygen. I suspect the former, because others in the crowd were becoming visibly moved, and the woman sitting directly in front of us actually put her face in her hands and wept.

Now it was time to recognize the seniors and their accomplishments, as well as giving them the opportunity to say a little something about their future plans. (The department head reminded them that "I'm going to take a year to think about it" is a perfectly good answer, too.) Most had no plans whatsoever, and the two or three that did talked about community college or small-town Iowa bible schools.

Then it was my daughter's turn. When her name was called, her 14-year-old sister gave out a whoop, and half the crowd turned to look at her, shocked that she'd broken the funereal silence of the event. Instead of taking the mic herself, she mumbled something in the ear of the teacher, who then said, "She wanted me to tell you that this fall she'll be attending The Minneapolis College of Art and Design." There was a small but noticable buzz from the crowd. They'd never heard of it, but it sounded like a real school had just been mentioned!

(One of the teachers told me in a phone call earlier that my daughter was the first student in the program to ever get accepted by a genuine college, or to get a scholarship that didn't come from the family's church.)

The department head then closed by presenting each of them with a special gift from the staff that was a home-school tradition: a copy of "Oh, the Places You'll Go" by Dr. Seuss, autographed by all the teachers. While it's pathetic that the school is handing out Dr. Seuss to high school graduates, I can also sympathize-- he's probably the only mainstream author that these families would allow in the house.

They had the kids stand in line in front of us for pictures and applause. Some of the kids looked proud, others moved. My daughter, in her Lord of the Rings T-shirt, rolled her eyes and grinned. I looked at the others standing with her, and even though it's an awful thing to say about someone else's children, all I could think was, you poor, poor kids. Someone should have told your parents long before you were born that the days of Little House on the Prairie are over.

Everyone got up and started for the treats. Each of the senior kids had his or her own family group, and apparently little mingling among the tribes ever occurs. Both my kids hugged and talked to the teachers a bit, and they were keenly observed by the crowd. Watching them watch my kids made me realize even more how much the teachers in this program must have to walk on eggshells with every one of these weird, creepy families.

The kids then joined me, pulling me out of my unpleasant, born-again reverie. My oldest daughter said, "Let's get the hell out of here."

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 21, 2003 4:31 PM

 

The Return of Clintonsomething!

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One of the all-time best features of Harry Shearer's great radio program Le Show was his continuing serial Clintonsomething ("Youthful angst and middle-aged power!"), a one-man, multi-tracked parody of whatever scandal was rocking the Clinton administration at the moment, done in the hushed style of a soap opera. Shearer's range and ability at characterizations has never had a better showcase than these little dramas-- besides a perfect Clinton and Gore, his James Carville is hilarious and he even does the real tough ones like George Stephanopolous and Leon Panetta.

So the only reason many of us were sad when Clinton left office was because it meant the end of a wonderful comedy. Fortunately, though, there is an occasional reunion special-- Clintonsomething: The Harlem Years-- when the news warrants, and this week's show was probably the best one yet. On the 60 Minutes set, Clinton, Carville and Bob Dole discuss the recent revelation that JFK had his own intern-al affair, in between rehearsing the latest point/counterpoint. Dole, however, is more interested in talking to his agent about his new Hummer commercial (where Bob Dole on the beach sees Bob Dole drive by in his Hummer-- "It's two Bob Doles!" says Bob Dole, to which Clinton asks, "Do you play both?"). It's great-- go listen to it here.

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 20, 2003 8:34 PM

 

The AMAD Movie Quiz #4

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Here are the three soundclips from this week's unknown movie, once again featuring a very familiar voice, so if you don't know the film for certain, maybe you can figure it out some other way. As you can tell from the soundtrack, it's an old film-- middle '30s. Other than that, once again, you're on your own.

If you know the answer, send me an email before late Sunday night, and you too can feel the warm glow of pride by being mentioned in the company of next week's winners.

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 19, 2003 1:17 AM

 

Last week's Movie Quiz winners

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The film was Jerry Belson and Michael Ritchie's fine 1975 satire of local beauty pageants, Smile, starring Bruce Dern and Barbara Feldon. Apparently, it was a little tougher than past quizzes-- for the first time there were actually guesses that were incorrect-- but it was still identified correctly by Steve Perry, Joe Rosenberg. Peter (from Mudville) and Sally Ryan. Congratulations, big winners!

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 19, 2003 1:10 AM

 

A full-frontal Catherine Deneuve?

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Last night I watched The Woman in Red Boots (La Femme aux bottes rouges), a 1974 French film directed by Luis Bunuel's son, Juan Luis and starring Catherine Deneuve. She looks ravishingly beautiful as always (she still does, I think) and she's perfect as a mysterious writer with strange powers. There's a very effective moment early in the film where she exposes these powers to Fernando Rey. And I do mean moment-- standing before him, she pulls her robe open and for a fleeting second, she's standing there completely nude.

Needless to say, I hit the remote control immediately and backed it up to see again. And the second time, I stopped the frame. I was surprised at what I saw: she wasn't nude at all but was wearing a body suit, and not even a particularly good one (wrinkles are obvious and the skin tone doesn't even match). A really slick trick, and worthy of the director's father.

Since she's not really nude, I suppose I could just post the pic here, but in the interest of individual sensitivity I chose not to. However, if you're old enough to read this, you're old enough to see it, so if you really want to, click here.

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 18, 2003 6:32 PM

 

The Outbursts of Everett True by Condo & Raper (1907)

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Posted by Steve Monaco at May 17, 2003 2:03 AM

 

Bad Dialogue of the Week

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This week's winner is an educational short film from the '50s called "Over-Night". It's an amateurish piece of nothing about a half-dozen girls sleeping out in the woods. The narrator isn't identified in the (very splicy) credits, and it's too bad, because I'd like to know who he is so I can avoid him from here on out.

So here it is-- enjoy the clip.

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 16, 2003 3:22 AM

 

Brigitte Bardot doesn't like gay men or fast food

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A piece at gay365.com features quotes from Bardot's new book A Cry in the Silence that lays the blame for France's "ruinination" on "gays, Muslim immigrants and fast food chains."

"She says of today's gay men '[They] jiggle their bottoms, put their little fingers in the air and with their little castrato voices moan about what those ghastly heteros put them through.' "The 68 year old Bardot, who appeared nude in a number of 1960s films has nothing good to say about Paris prostitutes. 'Our lovely, kind street-walkers have been replaced by girls from the East, Nigerians, travelers, transsexuals, drag-queens, bearers of AIDS and other friendly gifts. Having a risk-free go is becoming a real exploit,' Bardot writes."

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 14, 2003 2:38 AM

 

One of the greatest hours in radio history

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The Jounal of MultiMedia History has put on its website one of the best and most important dramas ever presented on radio, the 1954 Canadian play "The Investigator" by comedy writer Reuben Ship. It's a laugh-out-loud parody of Joseph McCarthy and his hearings, where Joe goes to Heaven and takes over the committee that decides who stays and who goes "down there." He replaces the original officials with Torquemada, Cotton Mather and The Hanging Judge, and they then proceed to "deport" people like Socrates and Thomas Jefferson.

The actor playing McCarthy, John Dranie, does a perfect job imitating the senator's sneering, bandsaw tone, and the dialogue could very well be right out of the hearings. After John Milton gives an eloquent soliloquy on freedom, McCarthy snarls, "Well, I guess we know where you're comin' from, Jack." (I was far into the show before I realized how similar McCarthy's tone and interviewing demeanor are to Bill O'Reilly's, the host most likely to answer "How are you?" with "A lot better than you are, pal.")

There is an excellent overview of the play on the website, but I wanted to note that the author, Reuben Ship, also wrote the American series The Life of Riley with William Bendix. Through its broad comedy, that show told a lot of truth about living conditions for blue-collar workers after WWII. You knew to the nickel how much was in Riley's pay envelope every Friday. I didn't check, but I think it's something like $56.05-- imagine any television series today being that honest about its characters' meager finances!

Anyway, here's the page with the links to the show (it's in four fifteen-minute parts; you'll need RealPlayer). And if you haven't listened to much radio drama and think that it might be boring, far from it-- it's fast-paced and remarkably undated, plus some of the cast of young Canadian actors later came to Hollywood, including James "Scotty" Doohan.

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 13, 2003 1:39 AM

 

The AMAD Movie Quiz #3

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Here are the clips for this week's mystery movie-- as usual, you listen to the three clues, and if you're given enough info to figure it out, send your guess to me by email before late Sunday night, and (if you're right) get your name in next week's AMAD winner's list.

The only clue I'll give you-- it came out a year before last week's winner. Good luck.

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 12, 2003 1:15 AM

 

Last week's Movie Quiz winners

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Last week's Movie Quiz clips were from one of my all-time favorites, Robin and Marian, directed by Richard Lester and starring Sean Connery and Audrey Hepburn (her first film in nearly a decade).

Congratulations to Steve Perry, Peter Schilling, Jr., Joe Rosenberg, Sally Ryan, Christopher Bahn and Button the Imaginery Dog for either knowing the film itself or recognizing the voices and figuring it out-- good work, all!

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 12, 2003 1:07 AM

 

The Outbursts of Everett True by Condo & Raper (1907)

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Meet good American Everett True, star of one of the funniest books in the history of comics. From the preface: "Everett True lacks our weakness in treatment of the human pest. He is a living protest against the incarnate irritants that are with us always. He is not a reformer, but rather an executioner, inflicitng punishment where he comes in contact with fit subjects of penal treatment. Mr. True's victims call him a 'grouch'. In reality he is a humanitarian."

The cartoons all have the same formula: the first panel is some dolt committing an act of anti-social behavior, followed by Everett making that person see the error of his ways in no uncertain terms. Even though the book is almost 100 years old, it's amazing how many of the same nuisances are still with us, and how undated his outrages are.

So from now until they run out, every Saturday will be Everett True day here at AMAD. Here's one of my favorites, where he confronts a guy who still seems to be in the stands at ball games.

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 10, 2003 12:55 AM

 

Bad Dialogue of the Week

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AKA Five Minutes to Live (1961) starring Johnny Cash

The dialogue really isn't all that bad, it's just that it sounds that way when Johnny recites it. And actually, he doesn't sound that bad, either, just weird. Very weird. Which is good for the role-- a cold-blooded killer who pretends to be a door-to-door guitar-lesson salesman! 

What Cash lacks in thespian finesse, he makes up for in rawness. J.C. must have really been into the goofballs while he made this movie, because I don't think it's all acting on his part: he's constantly twitching and snapping his fingers, and he pulls on his cigarettes like he's sucking the marrow out of them. He does occasionally sing, but it's still in character-- at one point, he serenades the woman he's holding hostage with  a love song called "(You've Got) Five Minutes to Live."

So here's this week's dialogue clip, where Johnny finds a fluffy, see-through nightgown in his victim's closet. And mi-i-i-ster, you'd better listen to it!

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 9, 2003 1:47 AM

 

Previews of Coming Attractions

Filed under: Imported

Here are some more pics from films I really like and might get around to re-watching some day soon. Until then . . .

Dick

It's not a satirical home run, but very close, and the mix of Watergate-era history and '90s teen comedy works amazingly well. The girls (Kirsten Dunst and Michelle Williams) really are sweeties, and Harry Shearer does a great G. Gordon Liddy. The standout scene, though, is when Dunst's character-- in love with Nixon! (played broadly but beautifully by Dan Hedaya)-- has a psychedelic fever dream about the two free-lovebirds, together at last.

 

Tales of Terror

Directed by Roger Corman (1962), it's a trilogy of Poe stories adapted by the great Richard Matheson (long may he live-- he even has a new book out). Corman's main Poe star, Vincent Price, is in each story, but the film's real star is Peter Lorre in "The Black Cat". He's hilarious in every scene he's in, which is quite the accomplishment when you consider his character is a shiftless, wife-beating wino.

The best of it all is his drunken nightmare after he's walled up his wife (Joyce Jameson) and her lover, where they come back to life and play catch with his severed head, filmed in Corman's typical high style. 

 

Yojimbo

No one needs me to tell them about this, one of the greatest movies ever made. But the other day, I found myself thinking about the scene when Sanjuro (the immortal Toshiro Mifune) appears to rise from the dead, after taking the beating of his life.

Old Man: You look like you're not alive!

Sanjuro: I'll be all right. Give me a few days.

Old Man: It's even worse when you smile!

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 8, 2003 4:19 AM

 

In the spirit of Pete and Ray

Filed under: Imported

Yes, it's Shut Up, Little Man time again, the tape series featuring the world's two funniest alcoholic roommates, Peter Haskett and Raymond Huffman.

As I've shoved the tapes onto friends over the years, too often the first reaction (at least by the boozers) is something like, "You know, I should tape some of the guys I see at the bars. They'd be funny, too." Well, no, they wouldn't-- they'd just be recordings of drunks. It takes both true chemistry and comedic genius besides 4 liters of wine to reach the heights of idiocy of these two guys.

But that doesn't mean that there aren't other funny drunks, and recently I've been laughing at Jeff's archived phone calls on his website, Crazy Drunk Guy. In 1999, Jeff started getting odd messages at the company he worked for from an unnamed caller who was drunk or insane or both. As time went on, the calls got longer and friendlier, and even though he never did give his name, the guy seemed to enjoy sharing every crazed thought in his head with his new buddy Jeff.

Sometimes the call is just a brief checking-in (note the Jack Webb fixation which pops up in other calls), but often they're long, rambling free-associations about everything from corporate mergers to the truth about David Lee Roth, or even stranger things, like life in the "Hogwash Ghetto." And sometimes they're just complete gibberish. Recommended.

Now, back to Pete and Ray, I should mention that the wonderful illustration is from the Shut Up, Little Man comic book, and is by the artist/chronicler of their adventures, M. Flinn. He used to have a website that had a few more great P&R illos-- for some reason, I can't find it now, but I'm still looking.

As for what Ray's saying in the picture, it's from this clip, another of his friendly lectures on homosexuality. (Horrible profanity alert, as always with these clips.) And since we're talking about drunks on the phone, here's a great prank call  by the neighbors who made the tapes, Eddie Lee Sausage and Mitchell D, asking Ray about P&R's sometime roommate and love interest, Tony.

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 8, 2003 1:33 AM

 

ORSON WELLES: THE ONE-MAN BAND (1996)

Filed under: Imported

AKA The Lost Films of Orson Welles 

What a mixed blessing this film is-- part documentary, part clips collection, it's the first-ever look at footage from virtually all the films Welles started and never finished during the last 20 years of his life. I didn't keep count as I watched it, but I now wonder if there aren't actually more unfinished Welles films than completed ones.

Welles' longtime companion, Oja Kodar, has had control of his films, and she figures prominently in much of the footage shown here. She's a very beautiful woman, and her devotion to Welles is genuine, but she was not a first-rate actress. The footage always looks great, but she hurts every scene she's in. (Her own film, Jaded, which she also starred in, is said to be a cult movie waiting to happen, it's so bad-- needless to say, I keep meaning to check it out.)

Money, or rather Welles' lack of it, is painfully obvious in many of the films. Plus, the actual footage itself is often in terrible shape. To see the scratches on all the scenes from The Other Side of the Wind, the film Welles hoped would redeem him, makes the heart sink. (It's constantly rumored that its release is imminent-- it was nearly complete at the time of Welles' death). And some of the "projects" were little more than Welles either reading narration for scenes never filmed or performing scenes in costume for films that never went farther than that.

But substantial as those problems are, there's still a great deal to admire, too. The documentary segments are good (it's a German film that was shown as Lost Films on British TV), with clips from Welles' talks at film schools. An unexpected pleasure are the short comedy films that Welles made in 16mm, almost like demos. In a couple he even plays all the roles, including One Man Band, where he plays everything from a London bobby to something that looks like Mrs. Andy Capp.

The best footage is from The Other Side of the Wind, which he started and mostly filmed in the '70s. The first extended scene shown, featuring John Huston and Peter Bogdanovich, has so much swirling energy it's hard to believe it was directed by a fat old man. Even better is a dark scene in a car during a rainstorm-- if Citizen Kane had an explicit sex scene, it would have looked just like this. It's incredible, and Kodar looks fantastic. (This is an actual frame from the scene.)

For a long-time Welles fan like yours truly, watching this is more frustrating than fulfilling. But since the alternative would be never seeing any of it at all, I'm grateful for the bits and pieces.

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 7, 2003 3:16 AM

 

More fun Bill Bennett facts, plus lots o' links!

Filed under: Imported

"Do as I say, not as I do. And where's my comp hookers?"

There was always something so obviously wrong with Bill Bennett that even when we didn't know what it was, exactly, we still knew it was there. Why else would he act like such a rabid bully about the need to be nice and good? As always, the bigger the moralizer, the bigger the hypocrite, and it turns out Bill's a huge example of both in more ways than one.

(Radio host Mike Malloy asked the right-wing to point out one single pot-head who has spent $8 million on his "hobby", as Bill O'Reilly actually called Bennett's gambling.)

I've been a Bennett watcher for years, and I've never liked what I saw. But I've always remembered the most loathsome things I've read about him, and now I'd like to share some of them with you.

Rolling Stone did a long piece on Bennett, and I remember two things from it:

1) His nickname in college was "Ram." He earned it one night when he suspected that his girlfriend was in her dorm room with another guy-- when he found that the door was locked, he knocked it down with his head. (Maybe that explains it all!)

2) It's only rock 'n' roll but Bill likes it, loves it, yes he does. I recall he mentioned how much his wife deplored his favorite band, the Stones, because they were such dope fiends. Bennett said his wife was right, of course, but then added something to the effect that they were just so damn good,  he was willing to give them a pass.

I never heard if Bennett went after RS, but he certainly put his considerable weight into trying to stomp High Times out of existence. (At one time, there were actually grand jury hearings against it.) The magazine did what little it could to get back at its attacker, and one time they did score a funny scoop.

A HT reporter went to a noontime Bennett speech, and noticed that a quarter-hour before the talk-- 11:45 a.m.-- Bennett went to the bar, spoke to the bartender and was given a paper cup of something, which he drank right down. When Bennett threw it in a trashcan, the reporter fished it out (hey, it's High Times) and gave it a sniff-- alcohol! I believe that the bartender confirmed that it was gin and tonic. But maybe he's really not a morning drinker-- maybe he'd just been up all night at the casinos and forgot what time it was.

And of course we all remember the hate-on Bill had for Bart Simpson early in the show's run. He was especially irritated by Bart's motto, "Under-Achiever and Proud of It". He even made a statement to the press about the lecture he'd like to give the little bastard. Matt Groening replied by suggesting that someone close to Bennett should let him know it's not possible to talk to a cartoon.

Finally, the one bit of good news that we've ever had about him was the announcement made by Bennett himself and others that he would never run for President. It's the statements from the "others" that were most believable, especially the unnamed Republican who said that the reason he'd never run is because he doesn't want to have to lose 100 pounds.

So here's the story that started it, "The Bookie of Virtues" by Joshua Green. And here's the Newsweek story Green wrote with Jonathan Alter, "The Man of Virtues Has a Vice." After those, you'll want to read the Slate piece by Michael Kinsley that got Bill O'Reilly so annoyed. Still want more? Steve Perry, Josh Marshall, Sally Ryan and Sigmund Freud (channeled by Elaine Cassel) all check in on the ramblin', gamblin' asshole.

And by all means, don't miss hearing Bill explain the virtues in Independence Day to Bob Dole as they annoy the theater patrons around them. (One of Harry Shearer's all-time best bits-- move the Real Audio slider to about 8:55 to find it.)

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 6, 2003 3:24 AM

 

The AMAD Movie Quiz #2

Filed under: Imported

Here's another collection of three audio clips from a movie-- you figure out which one. Email your answer to me by the end of Sunday, May 11 and you'll have the great honor of seeing your name in next week's AMAD.

No hints this week-- you either know it or you don't.

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 5, 2003 2:06 AM

 

Last week's Movie Quiz winners

Filed under: Imported

The movie clips last week were from the 1964 film Seven Days in May, directed by John Frankenheimer at his peak. Everyone recognized one or both of the stars, Burt Lancaster and Kirk Douglas, although my personal favorite was Edmond O'Brien as the Southern senator in clue #1.

Seven people identified it correctly, and they are: Joe Rosenberg, JMStreep, Mark Gisleson, P.R., Steve Perry, Sally Ryan, and Chris Bahn. All hail this week's trivia victors!

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 5, 2003 1:58 AM

 

The sound of Monaco

Filed under: Imported

I'm still enjoying my no-computer weekend, but while going through some old tapes, I found one I could share here on the old blogsite. It's a short story I did for WOI radio a few years ago called "A Heartwarming Story" and you can listen to it here. (You might want to tweak the treble a bit-- it's an air check from a crummy boombox/radio.)

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 4, 2003 12:09 AM

 

Peter Haskett pets the dog

Filed under: Imported

I'm taking a much-needed break from the computer this weekend, but I wanted to put up something new, so here's another Shut Up, Little Man soundclip. This one's from an amazing interview that Pete did with someone from New Zealand radio-- an alternative rock station there started playing the tapes as a daily 5-minute soap opera, and Pete and Ray became overnight radio stars! Here, Pete tries to pet his dog Pierre. (The other voice you hear is Tony, the boys' occasional roommate. More about him later.)

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 3, 2003 6:28 PM

 

Bad Dialogue of the Week

Filed under: Imported

A movie even worse than it looks, and not even the magnificent William Smith can do anything for it. But it does feature one of the best/worst dialogue exchanges ever between renegade cop and his by-the-book superior. All it lacks is Rainier Wolfcastle at the end, crying "Mendoza!"

(And is it just me, or does the Cybernator look like an bald, albino Jeff "Survivor" Probst?)

By the way, if you can think of a bit of dialogue that's in this rarefied league of rottenness, please pass it on and it may wind up here next Friday.

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 2, 2003 1:27 AM

 

THE STORY OF BEEF

Filed under: Imported

First, go here and get the music going. Now read about the story of meat in a can, told with actors, animation and pictures of some of the most diseased-looking meals you've ever seen.

The music playing now accompanies the opening scene, set in a supermarket. A lovely young '50s housewife looks at a succession of cans. The cans have labels like "Luncheon Meat" and "Meat Stew." Every time she picks one up, a thought balloon appears above her head with a picture of how it will look on a plate. Each dish is a lunch designed to be lost, horrible stuff that could very well be "Ass-Slab with Pineapple Rings" or "Beef Prostates and Dumplings." Or worse.

Then the narrative takes us back in time, when man couldn't save his meat. This leads to an absolutely fascinating history of the tin can that concludes with footage of great scientists working hard right now to bring us even better tin!

Ah, it'll be a great future for mankind and canned meat, as the concluding music tells us. Vienna sausages waltzing into an open can, Iowa hams floating over the tall corn (and their still-living brethren) into their very own tin containers, and best of all,  a flotilla of storks dropping bundles of joy to earth: cans labelled "Meat for Babies."

'50s educational films at their finest.

Posted by Steve Monaco at May 1, 2003 2:58 AM

 

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