August 2003

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The Frederic Wertham Memorial Cover Gallery

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For those who don't recognize the name, Dr. Frederic Wertham and his book Seduction of the Innocent helped to destroy three-fourths of the comic book industry in the 1950s, especially the horror genre books. (You can find a very good concise history of the doc and his work here.) Next year will see the 50th birthday of both Wertham's text and yours truly, so to start the celebrations, this blog is adding a new weekly feature: "Horror Sundays". What better way to honor the Sabbath than with some of the goriest comics covers of all time?

To start, here's a classic injury-to-eye favorite from Mister Mystery #12. Enjoy!

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 31, 2003 3:20 PM

 

The Outbursts of Everett True by Condo & Raper (1907)

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Posted by Steve Monaco at August 30, 2003 8:24 PM

 

Bad Dialogue of the Week

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This time we offer a sound clip from a movie that's an overflowing treasure trove of terrible writing and acting, the 1966 anti-classic The Oscar, starring Stephen Boyd and Tony Bennett. It was Tony's cinematic debut and swansong rolled into one, and after you listen to this scene, you'll agree that he should never have been allowed to act at all, let alone a second time. But don't blame him for his horrible performance-- Laurence Olivier couldn't have done anything with the wretched prose provided by Harlan Ellison, one of the worst writers who ever lived. This moving moment comes from the end of the film, where Bennett's character, a flunkie named Hymie Kelly, tells the arrogant and unscrupulous actor Frankie Fane (Boyd) that he won't be his stooge anymore. The lines are pure Ellison, such as "I let you castrate me inch by inch" and "I was just twitchin', just like a spastic", and all of it delivered as only a natural-born non-actor like Tony could. Wonderfully awful! (Note: File size is 500K.)

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 29, 2003 10:29 PM

 

The Monday Movie Quiz #16

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Since I'm temporarily unable to do any sound files, this time the quiz will be a plot synopsis. While it's a real toughie (I think), I'll try to give you a couple clues broad enough that those in the know can use the Internet Movie Database and still come up with the answer. Here goes:

The owner of a flea-circus learns that a long-lost uncle has left him a fortune. But after he and his family sell their meager belongings and move to the big city, they find that after everything has been paid, all they get are five chairs and a Frank Sinatra record. On playing the record, however, they hear a message from the uncle telling them that he was actually murdered, and the names of his killers (along with $300,000 he managed to squirrel away) are hidden in the legs of one of the chairs. Unfortunately, the chairs have already been sold, so the rest of the movie is the hero's quest to get them back, which takes him to the home of a radio comedian, a mobster's headquarters, and a movie theater playing Zombie in the Attic.

Hints: The star was himself a radio comedian, and this was his one and only solo starring vehicle. The screenplay was co-written by the wife of the director known by all as the master of suspense. If this helps, or you know the movie without these clues, send me an email by late Sunday night and you'll see your name in next week's Movie Quiz list of champions. Good luck.

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 25, 2003 3:33 PM

 

Last week's Movie Quiz winners

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Proof that Robert Zemeckis's name on a film wasn't always a reason to stay away, I Wanna Hold Your Hand was his first feature (co-written with Bob Gale) and, I think, still his best. (I liked his follow-up, Used Cars, when it came out, but a recent re-watching left me bored.) It's an inspired comedy about a group of kids who try to see The Beatles live on the first Sullivan show, and it evokes the time very nicely, yet never at the expense of the well-developed characters. A lot of the reason the movie still remains fresh and funny is the young cast that included Nancy Allen and Teresa Saldana. While those two went on to have more major parts in later films (especially Allen, in the work of her husband, Brian DePalma), the funniest members of the cast never got the kind of career break-out role they deserved: Bobby Di Cicco as the Jersey greaser who hates the Mop-Tops, Wendy Jo Sperber as a Paul-obsessed little hothead and, best of all, Eddie Deezen as Beatles expert Ringo Klaus.

Apparently, even with three clues, this one was a bit of as toughie, and as usual when that's the case, only the quiz regulars seemed to know it. So a big "Yeah yeah yeah" to this week's winners: Wayne A. Palmer (will he ever lose?), Steven Jay Gellert, Chuck Tomlinson, E. Yarber, Hank Parmer and Kika Warner. Nice work, guys and gal.

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 25, 2003 3:17 PM

 

The Outbursts of Everett True by Condo & Raper (1907)

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(With luck, Everett will return to his regular slot this Saturday.)

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 25, 2003 2:39 PM

 

Bad dialogue of the week-- Jesus wants Ashcroft's head!

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(Attorney General John Ashcroft puts up his dukes, the better to belt out one of his God-awful songs.)

Personally, I think this week's sample is great, but even the man responsible for it sounds, at the end, as though he shocked himself with his own vitriol. I'm speaking of Mike Malloy, the left's best hope for a genuine anti-Limbaugh. This sound clip comes from the end of Wednesday's radio show, as he played excerpts from a press statement by John Ashcroft. Malloy started out talking about Ashcroft's personal uber-Christianity (Mike calls him "The Crisco Kid", referring to Ashcroft's known penchant for anointing himself with oil), but you won't believe where he ends up-- and apparently, judging from the stunned laughter at the end, neither did he. Hilarious.

P.S. On this very day, St. John gave a speech in Detroit (part of his "Save the Patroit Act" national tour) only to be shut down by one of yours truly's favorite bunch of hecklers. Read about it here. (And what's the old cliche?--  "Just because you're a LaRouche-oid doesn't mean you're wrong.")

 

Guess which person in the picture is the Ashcroft fan?

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 22, 2003 12:20 AM

 

Raymond Huffman is ready now!

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(Possibly the best-ever pic of Ray, by the king of Shut Up, Little Man arteests, M. Flinn.)

It's been a little too quiet around this blog, so it's time for another morsel from the collected rants of the greatest unknown comedy team of all time, Peter Haskett and Raymond Huffman. This bit is one of their most beloved moments, a monogue by Ray concerning soup and killin', in that exact order. This solo of his is a good example of what Seymour Glass of Bananafish Magazine was talking about years ago: "I grew to appreciate the rhythms of Ray, his soliloquies. They take on a musical quality. Soon I would listen to him more than I would my music albums." You'll also notice that Hitchcock had nothing on ol' Ray when it came to being a master of suspense-- listen to the countdown of his menacing arrival into the other room, always accompanied with the threat of brandished soup. An absolute classic. (Note: File size is 500K.)

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 21, 2003 10:51 PM

 

Michael Moore is running for President, just not in the U.S.

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The long-awaited DVD of Bowling for Columbine is finally out-- it's been bouncing between #3 and #4 on the amazon.com top ten-- and that alone is cause for celebration (now I can finally retire my VCD copy), but last week Michael Moore went to Belfast and delivered the speech of his life. Even though he later mocked the idea of a presidential run on his part, in 50 minutes he said more about what's right and (especially) wrong with his country than all nine of the Dems currently applying for the gig have said in months. The best part is the chapter he reads from his next book, Dude, Where's My Country, where he talks about the Bush Administration's Reign of Fear, and his words and delivery are both funny and fire-breathing.

You can hear or download the speech, Q&A, and press conference at this page, part of A-infos Radio Project's excellent Michael Moore collection (go to search and type in his name for about a dozen other interviews and speeches). Note: The files are quite long, but if you're a fan of Mike's, I think you'll find them worth your time.

 

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 20, 2003 10:38 PM

 

Heil to the Chief

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(Baghdad and Waco-- both photos taken August 19, 2003.)

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 19, 2003 5:04 PM

 

Wake-Up Call

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"I have a dream . . . "

(P.S. For a very Bush-unfriendly look at last week's mega-blackout, check out the recent postings at The Mahablog. And for speculation as to what might be in the styrofoam cup, scroll down to the entry "Can We Talk?")

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 19, 2003 4:29 PM

 

The Monday Movie Quiz #15

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This week we return to the original "three-clues-and-yer-out" format. (Note: File size is 465K.) They come from a '70s film that was the directorial debut of a FOS (Friend of Spielberg) and-- in my opinion-- is still the best thing he ever did. It features a very funny ensemble cast that never became the stars most of them deserved to be (again, my opinion); in other words, basically a cast of unknowns, except to those deep into cult movies.

If you know the name of the movie these soundbites come from (or know how to use www.imdb.com well enough to figure it out), send me an email by late Sunday night, and you too may know the fleeting noteriety of the Movie Quiz's winners circle. Good luck.

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 18, 2003 5:24 AM

 

Last week's Movie Quiz winners

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Even though I was accused by more than one quiz regular of "dumbing down" last week's clue (or kinder words to that effect), we still wound up with less than ten winners, so I guess it wasn't that easy. Still, I was heartened by the number of Western lovers who immediately recognized the film that featured the best-ever speech about mule abuse, not to mention the owner of one of the movies' best-known voices in one of his finest moments.

So a heaping helping of spaghetti to Wayne A. Palmer (still Quiz champeen), Steven Jay Gellert (welcome!), Kika Warner (two wins in a row), Don from Toronto (another welcome debut), E. Yarber (a Skeleton Dance away from first place), Hank Parmer (aka Palmer, another unstumpable regular), Christopher Bahn (always in the running), Martha Fischer (our third new indoctrinee to the winners' circle) and Joe "Prompt Me, Please" Rosenberg. They all identified last week's mystery movie as A Fistful of Dollars, the first of the magnificent Sergio Leone's trilogy of classics featuring "The Man with No Name", played so perfectly by Clint Eastwood.

As a couple winners mentioned, it's perhaps the most inventive remake ever made, being a faithful Western adaptation of Kurosawa and Mifune's wonderul Yojimbo, which in turn was based of Hammett's best novel, Red Harvest. (Let's all try to forget the wretched Last Man Standing with Bruce Willis-- director Walter Hill has a lot to atone for with that one.) Plus, it's the first major soundtrack by everyone's favorite film composer, Ennio Morricone, and has an early and great performance by Gian Maria Volonte as one of the bad guys. They don't make 'em like this anymore, and more's the pity.

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 18, 2003 5:15 AM

 

Bad Dialogue of the Week-- The Rob Lowe sex video

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(Sax fiend Rob Lowe from the 1985 classic St. Elmo's Fire.)

It's funny how all the right-wing yakkers who just spent countless hours telling anti-war celebrities that they should stay out of politics are now all in favor of a muscle-headed movie star taking over the governorship of one of the biggest states and economies in the country. And now they also think it's great that TV actor Rob Lowe, whose only experience in advising a candidate comes from playing that role on his last series, is joining a team of real-life pros that includes Warren Buffet and George Schultz. (It's really not worth a look, but here's the story anyway.)

Despite video evidence of Arnold's grope-happy behavior and the other sleazy stories that have surfaced about him, none of it compares to Lowe's infamous sex video from 1988. The grand irony is that the tape was made with two young women-- one an under-age 16-- that he met at the Democratic National Convention, where he was supporting Michael Dukakis. So to celebrate Lowe's newfound Republicanism, here's a brief clip (audio only!) from the only popular movie he ever made. (Note: File size is 300K.) Thanks to Harry Shearer's LeShow for Rob's greatest hit.

P.S. The one thing usually not known about the tape that's in circulation is that it's not the one the actor made with his two groupies, but rather another one he made with a buddy and their mutual girlfriend. The original tape, which served as police evidence against Lowe, is much less available. But not if you're Pee-Wee Herman.

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 17, 2003 10:51 PM

 

The Outbursts of Everett True by Condo & Raper (1907)

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Posted by Steve Monaco at August 16, 2003 4:56 AM

 

My fair and balanced posting

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(Judging from the letters on the sign behind him, I'm assuming this pic was taken at some farewell shindig for O'Reilly called "Adios, Shithead".)

As you do your blog reading today, you're going to find lots of entries with "fair and balanced" in the titles. That's because today is "fair and balanced" day for all bloggers-- to protest the mega-ridiculous lawsuit Fox News has launched against Al Franken for using the words in the title of his new book, claiming that they have a trademark on the phrase, Neal Pollack has called for all bloggers to use "fair and balanced" today (August 15) in as many ways as possible. So here goes:

Today I went to the Iowa State Fair and balanced four Cokes and three shrimps-on-a-stick while waiting to use the restroom. When I got home, my daughter said she's cleaned the house, but didn't have time to take care of her bank statement, so I said that was fair and balanced her checkbook for her. After that, I saw my Russian girlfriend, whom I hadn't seen in ages-- she's an acrobat, and we rekindled our affair and balanced on a trapeze at the same time. Then I checked out a really nifty webpage of '60s radio airchecks  and listened to Wink Martindale and Bill Ballance; I thought Wink was fair and Ballance delivered. And then I put this lame-ass bit to bed.

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 15, 2003 1:55 AM

 

Happy 60th birthday to a movie I've never liked

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Roger Ebert once pronounced that if you don't like Casablanca, you just don't like movies. Well, fuck you, Rog. (But genuine best wishes regarding your health.) I've always been bored silly by Casablanca, but because it's supposed to be so great, over the years I've given it repeated chances to work its magic on me. In fact, in honor of its 60th anniversary, I gave it one last chance. My opinion's unchanged-- I still don't like the goddamned thing.

I was pleased to learn that I'm not quite alone in my opinion. According to this news story about a special screening of the film earlier this week, neither Humphrey Bogart or Ingrid Bergman thought much of it, either. Bergman's daughter Pia Lindstrom said in a Q&A afterward, "In later years, my mother's eyes used to glaze over whenever someone mentioned Casablanca." Also, neither star cared much for the other. (Lindstrom told Bogart's son, Stephen, "She didn't really get on with your father.")

My dislike for it has nothing to do with the cast itself-- they're all great and I'm a fan of everybody, right down to the secondary character actors like Leonid Kinskey and S.Z. Sakall. And in the ensemble scenes in the cafe, they all have their moments and so does the dialogue. But the Bogart-Bergman dialogue is often groan-worthy ("Are those cannons firing or is it my heart beating?") and the entire "We'll always have Paris" plot is, to me, pretty sappy stuff.

And then there's that song! Speaking of bad dialogue, has no one ever noticed how dumb the lyrics of "As Time Goes By" really are? Plus, I appear to be the only movie-lover on Earth who can't stand the singing of that forgotten Beach Boy, Dooley Wilson.

But it doesn't matter-- everybody else loves it, so I concede that they're right and I'm wrong. That's fine. Just don't ask me to watch it ever again.

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 14, 2003 10:47 PM

 

Harvey Pekar makes it big

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(Harvey today, looking every inch like Reid Fleming in a flannel shirt.)

Next to Harvey himself and his family, I'm as happy as anyone about the rave reviews being lavished on the new film based on his comic book American Splendor. My collection of it goes back to #1, and I wrote one of the first-ever pieces about the book and its author for The Comics Journal in the early '80s. (I still have the "thank you" note Harvey sent me, done in pencil on a piece of Big Chief writing paper.) He's worked very hard at his art for three decades, and I don't think anyone who's followed him all these years isn't delighted that he's finally gotten the attention he's deserved. I can't wait to see the movie.

In the meantime, we can all keep up-to-date with Harvey on-line. There are countless reviews and interviews concerning the motion picture, and of course he has his own site, too. Best of all, WKSU in Kent, Ohio has a special page devoted to the on-going radio commentaries that Pekar's been doing for them for the past year or so. (There are three dozen of them-- you can either listen to them separately, or you can hear the one-hour special "Who is Harvey Pekar", which collects his favorite ones.) As always with his writing, they're hit or miss, but when they're good-- and most of them are-- they're Harvey at his very best. (His takes on NPR and David Letterman are both bullseyes.) Besides, he's the only guy I've ever heard use the word "catastrophize", and the only guy I can think of who should be allowed to get away with it.

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 13, 2003 3:15 PM

 

Greil Monaco's No-Life Top 10

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There really aren't apologies enough to now make it up to Mr. Marcus for my continued lame ripoff of his column, but here are some things that have made me take notice over the past couple weeks:

1) The Machine Shed Restaurant in Des Moines, near Living History Farms. Oh my Lard, are people really this fat? Don't get me wrong, yours truly flirts with entering the realm of the morbidly obese on a regular basis, but I felt like a stick-figure compared to many of the people who literally clogged the place. And the menu was just for them: the most horrible greasy crap imaginable and all of it apparently sold by the pound. Yet my table was the only one with food on it at the end of the meal-- everyone else never seemed to hit bottom, no matter how many trips they made through the buffet. In fact, the guy sitting in the next booth went off and took a shit in order to "make more room"!

2) Capturing the Friedmans. By now, most of you have heard of this documentary about a Jewish family in Long Island that loved to take movies of itself, and continued to make harrowing home video as first the father and then youngest son are accused of (and sentenced for) child molestation. Besides having a good review of it by Michael Atkinson, The Village Voice also featured a piece written by the journalist who appears in the film, Debbie Nathan. For me, the movie made me see clearly that I'm simply no judge of truth, and maybe no one else is, either. I couldn't tell for certain anything about anyone in it. So I focused on a few oddities, like the song choice the father makes for his farewell family recital, the night before he goes to prison for 100 years: "Cheek to Cheek."

There are a couple interesting facts about the accomplishments of certain family members. The father, Arnold Friedman, wrote pioneering books on computers with his co-author, Steve Allen (yes, that Steverino). And the middle brother, Seth, the only living family member who refused to be interviewed, was the editor and publisher of the fantastic Factsheet 5, the pioneering magazine about zines.

3) Shut Up, Little Man-- The Comic Book. Speaking of Factsheet 5, that was the very first place I ever read or heard about my favorite audio verite tapes of all time. The second comic based on them belongs near the top of at least the best of the A-minus undergrounds of yore, with standout work in four stories by the dean of Pete & Ray "arteests", M. Flinn. Maybe the most enjoyable story is Eddie Lee Sausage's fantasy "The Afterlife", which imagines how intolerable Hell becomes when Pete joins Ray in eternal damnation. All the boys' lines in the story come directly from the tapes, so when Hitler tell Ray, "I caused a Vorld Var undt killed millions in zee concentration camp," Ray replies, "Well, I was a mean motherfucker in mah time and still am!" For more sobering reading about the phenomenon of these tapes, here's a very good 1995 article from the SF Weekly. Peter died in 1996, so this was probably the last interview he ever gave as well as his darkest. Even then he was funny, though-- when asked about the possibility of a movie about his life (and there are three Pete & Ray movies either finished or in the works), Lady Haskett said he thought he should be played by Brad Pitt, with Hugh Grant as Pitt's understudy.

4) Stephen King's cover article in Book Magazine. The first part of it can be found here, and at the beginning his mock thesis-- that literary writers are so rich that they're buying their own islands while the lowly popular author like himself is currently on hard times-- is kind of funny, just like the photos of King that accompany it, such as Steve in a flannel shirt, sitting at a cruddy table having a smoke and some coffee, fly-swatter at hand. But like most of his books, it goes on way too long, and by the end you're faced once again with King's resentment that he never joined the top tier in the eyes of the critics. While I find it tough to find sympathy for a guy of his stature and wealth, I closed the magazine thinking "Poor guy"-- he's never figured out that he was never that good, and the fact that it only occured to him a couple years ago that he was repeating himself is a pretty good sign that he never will. (And in other Book-related King news, he'll now be taking over their "Humor" column on a regular basis. Something tells me he'll soon be joining Bill Clinton and Bob Dole as former commentator.)

5) My great American screenplay. It's best described as "Citizen Kane meets Sam Peckinpah." I've been working on it for a couple years now, and so far all I have is the title: Bring Me the Sled of Alfredo Garcia.

Christ, that's enough-- who needs five more? 'Til next time.

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 12, 2003 2:37 AM

 

The Monday Movie Quiz #14

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We'll try to keep last time's more user-friendly approach to the quiz going this week, too, with another well-known classic. Our clue this time features one of the movies' most recognizable voices in one of his best-known roles. (Note: File size is 400K.) If you know the name of the film it comes from, send me an email by late Sunday night and you'll be listed in next week's elite list of winners. Good luck.

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 11, 2003 1:38 AM

 

Last week's Movie Quiz winners

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"Forget it, Jake-- it's Chinatown."

Finally some new names in the winners' circle this week besides the usual handful of unbeatable experts. And every one had a quote or comment indicating that the film meant as much to them as it does to me. Nearly 30 years after its premiere, it remains as fresh as ever, and the main theme by Jerry Goldsmith (which was last week's single clue) is as perfect as any ever written.

So fedoras off to the following: Wayne A. Palmer, E. Yarber, Cliff Smyrl, Michael Oleksyn, Hank Parmer and Kika Warner.

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 11, 2003 1:32 AM

 

The Outbursts of Everett True by Condo & Raper (1907)

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Posted by Steve Monaco at August 9, 2003 1:17 PM

 

Bad Dialogue of the Week

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It's been awhile since we last visited with the one and only Jesco White, whose every anecdote about his life falls in the category "So-Bad-It's-Brilliant". (He came to everyone's attention thanks to the 1991 public-TV documentary Dancing Outlaw.) Our clip this time is from the lesser-known sequel Jesco Goes to Hollywood, which chronicles his trip to L.A., courtesy of the Roseanne show, and his aborted guest appearance on same. (Barr became displeased with Jesse when she saw his jailhouse swastika tattoos, although Tom Arnold speculated that he probably didn't even know what the symbol was.) Taking his first-ever limo ride, our star tells a funny story of a-gettin' high and shootin' pistols. It's a tale that should appeal to both pro and anti-gun control folks. (Note: File size is 400K.)

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 8, 2003 10:16 PM

 

Fred Phelps sez, God hates fags . . . and Bob Hope!

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I'm sure you've all heard or read about the Rev. Fred Phelps Sr., the homophobic showoff who appears at the funerals of gay men brandishing signs like the above. Now, according to his organization's latest press release, he has a new and unlikely target: none other than the recently deceased Bob "Hetero to the Bitter End" Hope.

Phelps will actually be picketing a Hope memorial later this month at The Academy of TV Arts and Sciences. Apparently, ol' Ski-Nose irked our man of God by raising "$70,000 for a Topeka sodomite whorehouse-- aka Grace Cathedral-- and publicly cursed [Phelps's church] on behalf of fag GLAAD." This is a reference to a public-service announcement that Hope did in 1988. (You can read the text of the ad here; the page also has a link to a QuickTime video of it as well.) He doesn't mention any group by name, only calling for an end to anti-gay bigotry and violence, but apparently this mild-mannered, generic message was enough to get him on Phelp's "Roast in Hell" list for all time. (The most amazing thing about the spot was that Bob even produced the PSA at his own expense!)

So much for the old adage, "The enemy of my enemy is my friend." I know I'll never say it again. But Stetsons off to Phelps for doing the impossible: he actually made me have a positive opinion of Bob Hope!

 

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 7, 2003 2:54 PM

 

The Couch Pundit Mailbox

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Every once and awhile, I actually get some reader response, and this week I got not one but two emails that are worth sharing.

The first is from the always fascinating Melvin Mole (his thoughts on the movie The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T saved me a lot of writing for that day's blog entry) concerning my recent posting about last month's team-up between Gary Lewis and Ricci Martin. He wrote in about a couple of related TV moments from years ago "to either check out or flee from, depending on your tolerance for spectacular awfulness.

"First is a British documentary on comedy teams that aired some ten years back on HBO and PBS [and] a sequence with Jerry Lewis sitting in a limo apparently driving in circles along Watts. Jerry gushes in his uncomfortably hysterical style how people hooked up to the love he and Dean Martin felt toward one another in their act. Cut to Dino sitting on his porch, casually saying, 'Ah hated those goddam stupid films, lousy Hal Wallis scripts, Jerry cutting me out of the stories. I couldn't take it any longer.' The extreme between self-delusion and blunt candor is enough to give you the bends.

"For a television experience that will leave you feeling like acid is shooting out of the screen straight at your face, however, don't miss the first DVD collection of the Hullabaloo show. The September 20, 1965 episode features the unforgettable team of Jerry and Gary Lewis seething between quips (Jerry naturally makes a remark about having tried a partner before), the most dysfunctional fun you could hope for since Gary Crosby stopped singing duets with Der Bingle. They belt out a duet of 'Help' while Jerry makes spastic faces. Then Gary performs 'Everybody Loves a Clown' with a bass player who looks suspiciously like a young Rudy Guiliani.

"Later in the program, a telethon-sweaty Jerry makes a speech about how you're about to see a nineteen-year-old who has something serious to say about the way his generation has handled the planet, and out steps 37-year-old Barry McGuire to snarl 'Eve of Destruction' while the Hullabaloo dancers get on all fours and whip their hair around. A medley follows in which Jerry tries to deliver a chorus of 'Kansas City Star' and proves he may be the only person on Earth who can't sing a Roger Miller song.

"This is all a prelude to the strangest moment. Gary comes on to say his mom told him to introduce his dad's new, as-yet unreleased single, and we find Jerry actually attempting to appeal to the Clearasil set with a pop number called 'I'll See Your Light!' I would be astonished to find the song was ever officially released, so this may be the only evidence of Jerry's attempt to hit the Mersey Beat crowd with the same impact he momentarily had singing Al Jolson's back catalog in the previous decade. 'Hey LAY-dee! I'm multi-TAL-ented!'" Great stuff, Mr. Mole.

Now, going from the sublime to the sub-human, our second email of the week is from someone who goes by the moniker "realbunky". Since it followed Tuesday's posting about Elvis Presley's on-stage freakout, I'm presuming his comment was inspired by my irreverence toward The King, but maybe not. Here it is, in its ill-punctuated entirety:

"your youth gives you away-a spoiled shit-eating snotnosed puke."

Well, "sir", for the record, I'm nearly 50. If that age seems youthful to you, then please give my regards to Elvis when you see him, which will probably be very soon.

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 7, 2003 2:13 PM

 

Raymond Huffman cooked dinner tonight

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(For reasons still unknown, the front window of Peter Haskett and Raymond Huffman's apartment featured a human skull. Note Ray passed out in the background.)

This clip from the Shut Up, Little Man tapes (again, taken from the original masters) finds Pete and Ray in an uncharacteristically subdued mood, as they discuss the evening meal, or lack thereof. (Note: File size is 625K.)

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 6, 2003 12:57 AM

 

Elvis has left the building, yet he's still onstage

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(Quick-- which one's on more drugs?)

Here's a tape recording that I doubt they play too often at Graceland, courtesy of the indispensable collection Celebrities at Their Worst. Apparently, this angry little moment was during Elvis's "banana split" period (he once went on stage so messed up that, in a desperate effort to save face, his P.R. people blamed his condition on the "fact" that The King had wolfed down half-a-dozen desserts before showtime and then got sick). It's a between-song rant against the tabloids, which had just reported that he'd missed another show because he was "strung out", and on heroin, not ice cream. He blames it on scurrilous reports from hotel people ("freaks that carry your luggage up to the room"), and he concludes with a promise of Old Testament-style violence that has his zombie minions cheering. (Note: File size is 470K.)

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 5, 2003 12:51 AM

 

The Monday Movie Quiz #13

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It's another musical clue this week, but if you love this film as much as I do, you'll recognize the theme from the first strum. More clues: one of the '70s greatest movies by one of the all-time best (and most controversial) directors, and its stars, producer and screenwriter are all in the pantheon of classic American cinema. In other words, one of the best movies of all time. If you know the title, or even think you do, send me an email by late Sunday and you, too, can enter the elitist Movie Quiz winners circle next week.

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 4, 2003 12:55 AM

 

Last week's Movie Quiz winners

Filed under: Imported

(Original French poster, 1964.)

Once again, last week's clue was tougher than I thought. Only a handful recognized the post-credits music "Into Miami" by the great John Barry from the equally great James Bond film, Goldfinger.

In his excellent book Screening History, Gore Vidal posits a theory that I like a great deal: find out a person's favorite movies at the age of 10 (the end of childhood) and 14 (the first full flush of adolescence) and you can figure out a great deal about that man or woman. For what it's worth, Goldfinger is at the top of my 10-year-old "best-ever" list. (My old man was much disturbed at my taste in superheroes, especially when I started to read the novels. When I pressed him on his concern, he could only reply, "That James Bond-- he just don't write good books.") To me, it still remains the first and most perfect hybrid of Ian Fleming and Marvel Comics, and was never equalled by Connery (still the best, by leaps and Bonds) or anyone else.

So a tip of Oddjob's hat to the following winners: Wayne A. Palmer (still the quiz's most consistent winner), E. Yarber (still a close second), Mike Hardenbrook, Michael Hardenbrook II, and Hank Parmer. Hope you all find your own Pussy Galore!

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 4, 2003 12:54 AM

 

The Outbursts of Everett True by Condo & Raper (1907)

Filed under: Imported

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 2, 2003 1:32 AM

 

Bad dialogue of the week-- The original Spinal Tap!

Filed under: Imported

This week's bad dialogue is from the classic underground gutbuster The Troggs Tapes, one of the main influences behind the classic mockumentary This is Spinal Tap! Here Reg Presley and his mates discuss how best to produce a number one record. (Note: File size is 360K.)

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 1, 2003 9:12 PM

 

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