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Has-Beens Are Calling (dot com)

Filed under: Imported

I was intrigued by two things about the recent obituary of Fred "Rerun" Berry: one, that it ran in well over 100 papers, considering that his one and only claim to fame was playing third banana (at best) on a forgettable and perfectly lousy sitcom 25 years ago called What's Happening (for an example of his more recent work, go here), and two, he was the most popular attraction of a newly-lauched service, Hollywood is Calling. "I'll bet I've made more calls than anyone," he told The Washington Post earlier this year, and they actually printed it as news.

Hollywood is Calling is the next logical step in our culture of the never-ending 15 minute celebrity. (Who knew that the 21st century would be Orwellian and Warholian simultaneously?) For $19.95, you can treat yourself or a friend (or, better yet, a foe) to a 30-second live phone greeting from a bona fide once almost-famous person. They now have 37 on their roster, and it's anyone's guess which one will replace Rerun as their number one fave-- Kato Kaelin, perhaps ("Good luck on your upcoming murder trial, dude!"), or maybe Todd Diff'rent Strokes Bridges (same sentiments, diff'rent perspective). Other contenders might be rockers Mitch Ryder and lead Knack-man Doug Fieger, or first Survivor winner, Richard Hatch, although personally I'd prefer sending a message from his competitor Sue Hawk ("Just called to say that if you were dying of thirst, I wouldn't give you a drink of water.")

I hope this service flourishes and that their roster of "stars" grows. The possibilities for great practical jokery are endless: you could give your favorite dieter a motivational call from Anna Nicole Smith, or a friend in rehab some get-well-soon wishes from Rush Limbaugh. But really, don't wait-- be kind and order up a call right now with the celebs they already have. They really look like they could use the money.

Posted by Steve Monaco at October 23, 2003 4:47 PM

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