January 2004

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Bad dialogue of the week

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Showing why they were the radio cast: Gunsmoke stars Howard McNear (Doc), William Conrad (Matt), Parley Baer (Chester) and Georgia Ellis (Kitty).

This week's bad dialogue is well known to fans of vintage radio drama-- it's from a rehearsal for the radio version of Gunsmoke and an episode called "The New Hotel." Besides William Conrad and Parley Baer, the show featured CBS radio stalwarts John Dehner and Vic Perrin among others. Two clips are offered for your listening pleasure: first, a scene rehearsal and, second, a promo taping with Conrad, both of which feature the cast-iron-voiced actor as a high-pitched giggler. Who would have guessed?

Posted by Steve Monaco at January 29, 2004 7:25 PM

 

The Monday Movie Quiz #36

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From now on, we'll alternate a tough quiz with an easy one. I was told that last week's wasn't all that difficult, so we'll turn up the esoterica this week and feature a film that, while considered a classic, is not nearly as well known in the United States as it should be. I have a picture clue and a sound clue, both from one of the happiest opening credits sequences I can think of.

If you can think of the title of this wonderful movie, send me an email by late Sunday night, and if you're right, prepare to see your name in next week's musical winners circle.

Posted by Steve Monaco at January 26, 2004 3:20 AM

 

Last week's Movie Quiz winners

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Last week's quiz movie was the 1972 ABC TV movie The Night Stalker, produced by Dan Curtis (Dark Shadows), written by one of Stephen King's favorite novelists and biggest influences, Richard Matheson, and starring Darren McGavin in, not too arguably, the role of his life as Carl Kolchak, muckracker of the damned. (Simon Oakland was also at his very best as Carl's editor, Tony Vincenzo.)

The first and best of the two Kolchak movies, its story of a vampire amuck in Las Vegas was radically different than any network horror offering ever done at that time, the same way Dark Shadows stood out like a severed thumb on daytime television. It was funny, had a cast of veteran character actors (Charles McGraw, Kent Smith, Claude Akins, Elisha Cook Jr., Ralph Meeker), and moved with the speed of a great B movie from the '50s. It was perhaps the best of the ABC Movie of the Week originals being done at that time, and many of those were surprisingly good. (For a look at the original preview for The Night Stalker, click here.)

So a tip of a cheap, crummy-looking hat to the following quiz winners for identifying this classic: Joe Rosenberg, Wayne A. Palmer (who also supplied the links for the Movie of the Week page and the preview), Mike Everleth, E. Yarber, Hank Parmer, Christopher Bahn, and Paul Murphy.

(Special note: Mr. Palmer is looking for video of the Movie of the Week called The Love War-- if anyone has a copy, please let me know and I'll pass the info on to Wayne.)

P.S. Darren McGavin has a webpage!

(You know you've made it in this culture when they make a toy or model out of you.)

Posted by Steve Monaco at January 26, 2004 2:10 AM

 

The Frederic Wertham Memorial Cover Gallery

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Atomic War #4, April 1953-- '50s horror of a different kind, used in the Werthamesque book Parade of Pleasure by Geoffrey Wagner.

Posted by Steve Monaco at January 25, 2004 11:07 AM

 

Bad Dialogue of the Week-- "Baby need a rib?"

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"Mmm . . . ribs . . . "

Although Howard Dean and his exuberant pep rally got all the multimedia attention, the real audio-visual knee-slapper of the week belongs, as usual, to the emporer-free clothes known as George Bush Jr. Fresh from telling an aide of the Canadian Prime Minister that he had "a pretty face," and a SOTU so lame that even the Democrats found the courage to heckle it (when Bush mentioned that some of the PATRIOT Act will soon expire, the Dems applauded), Bush topped both moments with his appearance Wednesday at a diner in Roswell, New Mexico.

With a mono-mindedness that would do Homer Simpson proud, Bush uses the word "ribs" countless times as he turns a Q&A with the press into a rambling, impromptu commercial for carry-out. Twice, he delivers a kindergarten-level lesson in economics, telling the reporters to spend their "high-priced money" to buy some ribs so somebody can some day get a job, while trying his dad-gum best to take an order. (He also does his best to keep an employee from doing the same, repeatedly using the poor guy as a straight man while he tries to talk on the phone.) He even asks a pregnant reporter, "Baby need a rib?"

It's even dumber than the above description makes it sound. There's a spot on the Internet (for now) that has a video posted that shows the whole pathetic scene. If audio only is sufficient for you, you can listen to it here. Or, if even hearing Bush Jr. is too much for you, you can read the transcript here. (But beware-- it's edited.)

Posted by Steve Monaco at January 23, 2004 9:15 PM

 

A blast from public-school past

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Last May, I did a blog entry on a deeply disturbing graduation ceremony that I attended. I still get an occasional email or link because of it. You can read it here, if you're interested.

In going through some old doc files tonight (looking for a particular one that I never did find, of course), I came across a companion piece for that earlier one. It's actually from a pair of emails I sent to friends at the time, describing another public-school outrage that I was forced to sit through. Here they are.

The day before, I wrote:

Tomorrow night, I go to my youngest daughter's middle school to see her get an award for being on the honor roll-- her and about 500 others.

This year, the DSM schools lowered the necessary GPA to 2.0. In her case, only half her day is spent at this school-- the other half is at the city's brain academy, where she earns college credit for the classes she takes. So this straight-A kid is on the same "honor" roll with some little fuck-off in the basic track who gets all Cs? Why not just make it a Halloween party, and give honor roll status to every kid who wears a costume?

The day after, I wrote:

Well, I found out I really wasn't making a joke at all when I said that she'd be in a group of 500 others-- it was actually 472, out of a total of 800 in the school.

What an outrage this thing was! Because the academic bar had been lowered to near floor level, there wasn't a hall in the school big enough to seat everyone, so it was held in the gym of a nearby business college (which got a nice ass-kissing thank-you from the principal). Because there were so many of us, the kids were told that they wouldn't be getting any of their award stuff until the next day, at school. (Mine only went because she wanted to get the T-shirt.) Instead, they just had their names read (all 472!), and when they heard theirs, each of the honored got to stand up for half a second and bask in the adoration. Best of all, the kids with the 4.0 GPAs (like mine) were saved for very last, so when their turn finally came, a good portion of the crowd had either already left or were getting ready to.

All of this "honoring" only occurred after an hour-long speech by some former ISU coach who's now pimping his current employer, the Iowa Games (he mentioned them countless times). At an event that was supposed to be about academic achievement, the DSM schools gave these kids an hour-long speech by a coach about sports! For the first third of his wandering inspiratorial, he talked about himself. For the other two-thirds (or, at least, the parts I remained sufficiently awake to hear) it was about stuff that other coaches had told him, anecdotes about "Chubby Chucky" and people who might have sent kids to school with holes in their clothes. Neither was a a topic that won him any friends in this crowd, for painfully apparent reasons, and whose boredom should have been obvious even to this self-loving dolt. One story ended with a guy on a bus giving a poor woman his shoes, and he ended it by saying, "The name of that boy was . . . " and he named a sports guy I'd never heard of; I was expecting him to say "Jesus Christ."

Fortunately, the most insulted by this bullshit-- the kids who work the hardest, every day-- are also the ones who take a slap in the face like this the least seriously, because even at their young age, they can clearly see that they're being had. After fleeing the scene of the crime, we went out to dinner and had a long laugh at what a farce it had been. Later, I heard on the news that DSM schools are going to have even less money to spend, and that the only cuts they can make are in the classrooms. So perhaps next year, everybody will be on the honor roll, and the keynote speaker will be from McDonald's, who�ll talk about how great it is to punch pictures on a cash register.

Posted by Steve Monaco at January 21, 2004 10:28 PM

 

Separated at Birth-- Howard Dean and Lou Albano?

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Many people have commented on how much Howard Dean sounded like a refugee from the WWF during his Iowa meltdown after the caucuses. For me, an instant comparison came to mind: that lovable Super Mario Brother and friend of NRBQ, Captain Lou Albano. In fact, Lou even did a song with the band that they named after him (it's on their Tapdancin' Bats album), and I thought it might be fun to hear Lou and Howie do a duet on said tune. So here's a little demo I stitched together (file size is 275K)-- enjoy.

Posted by Steve Monaco at January 20, 2004 6:53 PM

 

The Monday Movie Quiz #35

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It's back to mono (audio) for our quiz clue this week. Only one hint this time: don't assume "movie" means "theatrical feature." Other than that, you'll either recognize this very popular entertainment from the early '70s (okay, there's another hint) or you won't. If you do, send me an email by late Sunday night with the title, and-- if you're correct-- expect to see your name in next week's creepy winner's circle.

Posted by Steve Monaco at January 19, 2004 4:50 AM

 

Last week's Movie Quiz-- All hail Hugo Haas!

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Vince Edwards and Cleo Moore go behind Hugo Haas's back in HH's 1957 semi-demi-quasi-classic Hit and Run.

I have to hand it to this week's quiz winners-- and, despite my prediction that there wouldn't be any, there were four-- they didn't let the fact that they'd never seen last week's movie get in the way of identifying it as Hit and Run, one of many unknown gems by the '50s greatest unknown B-moviemaker, Hugo Haas.

There's a thumbnail bio for him at the Internet Movie Database that also explains his rise and fall (he was a major star in his native Czechoslovakia before WWII, when the Nazi takeover forced him to flee to Hollywood), but little on the films themselves. Leonard Maltin, usually the first and last stop for capsule critiques of old B-movies, is also of little help-- while his TV Movies book trims old entries every year, Hugo's pictures remain listed, but most rate the dread "BOMB" assessment, and his plot synopses of them usually suck. (The one for Hit and Run is exactly the opposite of the movie's actual storyline.) Even TCM comes up short; in fact, whereas a year ago they had a handful of his flicks listed in their library (including this one), today they have only two.

In other words, there is practically nothing about Hugo or his American work available. Until, that is, right now. I own, know and love almost all of his oeuvre, and intend to spend one blog-day a month for the rest of the year discussing each one in as much depth as I'm capable of. (Regular readers, however, know that depth is never one of yours truly's strong points.) I'll share as much of the pitifully small amount of info I have about him and his films, as well as screen shots, dialogue clips, etc. Believe me, if you love sordid old noir-potboilers from the '50s, you'll find his work worth your notice, and you may even become a diehard fan.

So look for an entry about Hit and Run later this week. In the meantime, let's hear it for this week's quiz winners, all of whom really went the extra mile to figure it out: Wayne A. Palmer (whose powers of cinematic deduction are now becoming almost scary), E. Yarber (who could probably even point out the spot in Hollywood where Hugo made his movies), Jack Sparks (who took time out from his own hit City Pages blog to come up with a correct answer), and Hank Parmer (who got his guess in just under the wire, but was, as usual, right on the money). Congratulations, men, and a free Haas-apple will be coming your way shortly.

Posted by Steve Monaco at January 19, 2004 3:48 AM

 

Bad Dialogue of the Week

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Every girl go crazy for a sharp-dressed man: Jack Webb, hipster, clothes horse, and-- according to Mamie Van Doren-- rohypnol pioneer. "Yep, I woke up with Joe Friday humping me." (Click here and then do a browser search for his name.)

Once again, it's time for some great dialogue that pretends to be anything but, from the high-camp old radio classic, Pat Novak for Hire. With narration that rioted in ridiculous similes and metaphors and more fistfights than a Popeye cartoon, this series was consistently hilarious for those in on the joke, which in the late '40s weren't many. Today, however, the show routinely shows up on most old radio buffs' best-ever lists, at least when it comes to over-the-top action and the snappiest of patter.

This time we have a double helping of the latter: first, the opening set-up of an episode from 1948, where Pat once again takes it on the chin (of course, he's asking for it, with cracks like "Did your friend get his face at a fire sale, too?"), and then a typical blood-vessel-bustin' confrontation with Detective Hellman, played by Raymond Burr. (Note: Both clips are approximately 300K.)

Posted by Steve Monaco at January 16, 2004 11:43 PM

 

"For want of a nail . . . "

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Bush Jr., apparently delivering the Pledge of Allegiance the same way he did at Ellis Island on July 10, 2001. ("So will you please join me and rise as we say the Pledge of Allegiance. Right hand up, please.")

Posted by Steve Monaco at January 15, 2004 5:26 PM

 

Greil Monaco's No-Life Top 10-- The Movie Edition

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Since it's been a few months since I last ripped off Mr. Marcus's gimmick, maybe he won't notice if I sneak in another imitative list of things I've liked lately, this time all related to the world of film.

1) "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" theme from Arena Concerto by Ennio Morricone. A friend of mine got me a copy of this fairly expensive import CD, which is a recording of the concert(s) the Maestro gave in Italy a couple of years ago. Never one to simply retread old material, Morricone gave new orchestral arrangements to some of his best and best-known themes for these performances. None of them, however, packs the punch this one does-- he took what was (I believe) the greatest of all Western themes, as well as one of the greatest recordings ever made, and made it better. With the force of the full orchestra and chorus behind it, this familiar music becomes even bigger and more beautiful. How big? His sonic impressionism actually recreates the breadth, violence and tragedy of the Civil War, but only as part of a larger whole. In less than three minutes, he encapsulates Sergio Leone's entire three hour film! I'll confess, it brought tears to my eyes the first time I heard it, and it continues to move me more than anything I've heard in ages, even though it's music I thought I knew like the back of my hand.

2) The fight scene at the end of The Big Operator, produced by Albert Zugsmith. Some day, TCM will have to do a weekend devoted to the wonderful '50s junk produced by the great Zugsmith, who was sleazy before sleaziness was hip. (Orson Welles said that it was only after he described the gangbang shootup scene in Touch of Evil that Zugsmith really got excited about producing it.) It would be a great marathon: stuff like The Private Life of Adam and Eve, College Confidential with Steve Allen, Night of the Quarter Moon (which features the most outrageous front page headline I can recall in a movie: "Socialite's son marries quadroon!"), and on and on. Zugzy worked with a large cast of regulars that are now all cult movie paragons, many of whom weren't known for their acting talents, then or now. (For example, he used Conway Twitty not just once, but three times.) Many of them are in this, a '50s version of Blue Collar, with Steve Cochran in the Harvey Keitel role and Mel Torme as Richard Pryor (and Mamie Van Doren as a housewife thrown in for good measure, with her little boy played by Jay North!). Toward the end, there is a donnybrook like no other-- it goes on for minutes and involves the following: Cochran, Torme, Mickey Rooney (another Zugsmith regular), Ray Danton, Leo Gordon, Woo Woo Grabowski (back then billed without the "Woo Woo") and Charles Chaplin Jr. Among others. Recommended.

3) The Beyond, starring Catriona MacColl and David Warbeck, and directed by Lucio Fulci. Even Fulci's best stuff is garbage, frankly-- he was a horror-meister from Italy who specialized in outrageous scenes of gore-- but most cult movie fans still have a soft spot for his crappy movies, especially this one. (I prefer the equally ridiculous House by the Cemetary, but only by a bloody sliver.) Thanks to the DVD commentary track by the films's two stars, I noticed a great moment that had previously escaped my notice: After shooting their way through a hallway of zombies, Warbeck and MacColl get inside an elevator, and as the door closes, you see Warbeck reload his gun by dropping the bullets down the barrel, as MacColl cracks up.

4) Marsha, the Erotic Housewife, starring Marsha Jordan. A '70s drive-in time-capsule made up of part nostalgia, part chloroform. Still, you can't beat those all-natural knockers (Marsha would probably be considered fat today, although not by yours truly), not to mention the joys of bad dialogue recited by even worse actors. My favorite line: "That happened right around the time my own marriage went to the worms."

5) The "Madame Queen" episode from the Amos 'n' Andy TV series. I remember seeing Elvis Mitchell once host the late-night CBS News Nightwatch program, and this series was one of the topics up for discussion. His guest, who (I believe) had written either a book or documentary on this series, showed a brief clip of Andy (Spencer Williams) and Kingfish (the great Tim Moore). When it was over, Mitchell, who had never seen a moment of the show before, had a perplexed and slightly sheepish look on his face. "You know," he said slowly, "there's one big problem with what we just watched: it's funny." Indeed, it was, and unlike the radio version, which can't escape its own unforgivable problem-- that it was white men performing as blackface stereotypes-- the TV series featured some of the finest, funniest black talent of the day. Watching the elephantine, zoot suited Andy in this episode, as he courts a woman half his age, is hilarious, as are Kingfish's typical malaprops. (His best known is probably his retort to his demanding wife, Sapphire: "So . . . you're givin' me an ul-tomato, eh?") CBS stopped syndicating the show in the '60s after criticism from the NAACP at the time, but in the past ten years, it has been resurrected on home video, as well as a brief stint of reruns on-- brace yourself-- BET. But then, that network undoubtedly realized something important about the show: It's funny.

Well, as usual, I can't come up with anything close to a full ten entries, but hey-- what do you expect from a ripoff?

Posted by Steve Monaco at January 14, 2004 8:00 PM

 

The Monday Movie Quiz #34

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I believe that this week's quiz is the toughest ever. I'm even guessing that the quiz's reigning answer man Wayne A. Palmer may come up a cropper on this one, and he's only missed once since he started submitting replies early last year. This may join the Disney cartoon "The Skeleton Dance" as a quiz that garners no correct responses.

Now that you've been warned, go here and look at the pic-- now, if you can, tell me the name of the movie. If you can't give me the title, see if you can at least ID the people in the photo. Of course, if you can do that, you can also probably figure out the title with the help of the Internet Movie Database. (The swarthy guy in the mirror may be all the help you need, especially if you remember your early '60s drama series.)

I actually have a reason for using this film for the quiz: beginning later in the month, the man behind this movie and a dozen other favorites of mine will be the subject of a new regular feature here at the ol' weblog. Stay tuned-- and if you think you have any answers whatsoever to the above questions, send me an email by late Sunday night and, if you're right, next week you can see your name in our vehicular winners circle.

Posted by Steve Monaco at January 12, 2004 5:45 AM

 

Last week's Movie Quiz winners

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Japanese poster for It Happened One Night with Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert

When Michael Douglas accepted the Best Picture Oscar for One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (he was co-producer), he noted that its sweep of the top five awards (Best Picture, Actor, Actress, Director, and Screenplay) was the first since 1934 and It Happened One Night. As good a candidate as any for the title of "First Official Romantic Comedy," IHON deserved at least four out of five of those awards-- Claudette Colbert's performance doesn't really stand up, and I suspect that it never did-- and it still provides some good laughs today.

(In case you don't know or forgot the plot, Colbert is an heiress who escapes her father to elope with her golddigging fiance, and Clark Gable is the working-stiff reporter she meets on a cross-country bus.)

While Gable gets most of the good lines, the movie also has some brief but great performances by some of the best supporting players from the golden era of Hollywood, especially Roscoe Karns as the blabbermouth in the first part of last week's quiz clue and Ward Bond as a surly bus driver. Robert Riskin's dialogue is undated and still sharp, and it influenced countless romantic comedies that followed (but don't hold that against it). It's also at the top of the list of Frank Capra movies that are most watchable today, since it's blessedly free of the all-American little guy stuff that his later pictures are best known for.

So congratulations and a free wall of Jericho to the following quiz winners: Wayne A. Palmer, Joe Rosenberg, Peter Schilling Jr., Donald Lehnhoff, E. Yarber, Hank Parmer, and Steven Jay Gellert.

Posted by Steve Monaco at January 12, 2004 5:11 AM

 

More on the Rock-and-Roll Optometrist

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Thanks to Moday Movie Quiz champeen Wayne A. Palmer, the identity of the smiling man in yesterday's post is no longer a mystery: his name is Dave Hart, and he operates "LA's grooviest retro-eyewear store." They carry frames like "The Astro Boy" and "The Mr. Nobody," and the store itself looks more like a used-record shop, with countless picture sleeves and album covers on every wall. But the webpage's main attraction is the seven pages of pics of Dave posing with yesterday's pop celebs. 

You can peruse them all at your leisure, but I wanted to share a few more of my faves. All four of the following "stars" have something in common-- can you see what it is? (All right, you've guessed it already: none of them is wearing glasses.)

Here's Dave with The Seed's guiding light, Sky Saxon, pushin' too hard against his belt buckle.

Mike (aka Touch) Connors, apparently preparing for his role in Mannix-Ho-Tep.

Dave reliving the good old pre-jowl days with Edd "Kookie" Byrnes.

I don't blame Dave for keeping this one in the parking lot and out of the store-- Butch "Eddie Munster" Patrick, who's doing his best to help prove that all cute kid stars grow up to be ugly as hell.

Posted by Steve Monaco at January 11, 2004 12:06 AM

 

The Frederic Wertham Memorial Cover Gallery

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The Thing #11, 1953-- a Bosch-like cornucopia of headlights and ambiguously gay he-men.

Posted by Steve Monaco at January 11, 2004 12:06 AM

 

Rock-and-Roll Optometrist

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As my heaps of unsorted CD-Roms attest, I've been downloading all kinds of things off the 'Net for quite awhile now, and one frustrating by-product of that behavior is that I now have all kinds of things that I can no longer identify. The following pics are a perfect case in point: A few years ago, I found a website belonging to a Southern California optometrist who (I believe) identified himself as Dave something, whose specialty seemed to be selling eyewear to old '60s popstars. But I'm damned if I can now find any sign of him on the web. If you know who he is, drop me a line. Anyway, the pics are priceless.

Here's Dr. Specs with Monkee Peter Tork:

Terry Kirkman of The Association stopped by for some old man glasses:

McCartney soundalike Emitt Rhodes, now unrecognizable, and not because of his new wire rims:

And finally, Brian Wilson himself, sporting new shades and something vaguely obscene-looking on a stick:

Posted by Steve Monaco at January 10, 2004 5:26 AM

 

Good news for Jackie Chan fans?

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Even his T-shirt could kick the crap out of Tom Cruise-- Jackie Chan, the movies' toughest nice guy.

According to a movie-oriented site called Dark Horizons, the world's greatest action star may be returning to his native Hong Kong and saying farewell to Hollywood.

" [ . . . ] it seems Chan said he's coming back to HK to work after the failure of his American pics. Vin Diesel is replacing him in the comedy The Pacifer, he's opting to leave Joe's Last Chance and now Chow Yun Fat has been mentioned as a possibility to replace Chan for Rush Hour 3, which he recently told Brett Ratner he didn't want to do."

For now, let's just consider this a rumor. The original source given for the story is "The Standard" (referred to as a "rag"), and I was unable to find any story about Jackie anywhere with this information.

But let's hope it's true! Jackie's American movies have all been inferior to even the weakest of his HK films, and he's recently expressed frustration that the studios won't let him make the kind of movie he wants to (basically, the kind he used to make, but with a Hollywood-size budget).

I only hope that the move isn't because he's become demoralized from having to make crap like The Tuxedo and The Medallion, because Jackie's natural cheerfulness is one of his greatest gifts to his audience. (Recently, he's had more than his share of personal bad news: one of his best stuntmen died from a drinking binge, and the passing of his friend and costar, Anita Mui, caused him to break down at a press conference.) If, on the other hand, he's just decided to go home and finish out his career with dignity-- for another 20-30 years, hopefully-- then this is the best movie news I've heard in a long time.

P.S. I'm genuinely looking forward to seeing him team up with Steve "Alan Partridge" Coogan in Around the World in 80 Days. I'd feel even better about it, though, if it weren't being made by the director of The Wedding Singer.

Posted by Steve Monaco at January 7, 2004 3:31 AM

 

Bad Dialogue of Last Week

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Ah, Dark Shadows, the only soap opera ever worth a kid's time. For five years (1966-71), not only was it the weirdest show on TV, it had the weirdest people in it (a plus for a horror series). For every genuine beauty in the cast, there were at least twice as many grotesques, from the puppet-faced Dr. Julia Hoffman (Grayson Hall) to Barnabas Collins himself (the ever-pasty Jonathan Frid).

At the top of the list of Shadows plug-uglies was Robert Rodan, who played Adam, the Frankenstein ripoff who appeared a couple years into the series' run. At the beginning, Rodan (no relation to the flying Japanese monster) played his character as a bellowing man-child who knew one word: the name of his vampiric master. Listen here and be dazzled by the emotional changes he wrings out of that single name. (Note: File size is 200K.) After you listen, you may understand why, with the exception of the drive-in snoozer The Minx, Rodan never appeared on-screen again.

A postscript for those who might either want to get reacquainted with the series or, brave souls, check it out for the first time: There are 200 volumes in the videotape series, and not all the episodes were winners-- sometimes the storyline would drag for weeks and then suddenly catch fire. The Adam plotline is a good example of the show when it's fun, and it begins around volume 52. (The series is also now coming out on DVD, and the story begins with Volume 7.)

Posted by Steve Monaco at January 6, 2004 3:11 AM

 

The Monday Movie Quiz #33-- Back from the holidays

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Welcome back to the Monday quiz, and my New Year's resolution is to try to get them posted earlier in the day. I thought I'd make it an easy one to start the year, so this is a three-clip audio clue from a movie that is very well-known and loved. (Note: File size is 320K.) The only other additional hint I'll give you is to mention that it was a big winner at the Oscars, so much so that, years later, Mr. C. Zeta-Jones mentioned it in an acceptance speech for a similarly-winning movie of his.

If you know the title, send me an email before late Sunday night; if you're correct, next week you'll know the thrill of seeing your name in next week's nocturnal winners circle.

Posted by Steve Monaco at January 5, 2004 2:10 AM

 

The Frederic Wertham Memorial Cover Gallery

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Weird Chills #1, July 1954-- art by Bernard Baily

Posted by Steve Monaco at January 4, 2004 10:19 PM

 

The Year in Review, Bush style

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"I did it . . . some wayyyyyyy." America's Idiot-in-Chief belts out another year's worth of nitwitticisms.

The Mike Malloy radio show does it again-- here's another classic annual sound collage (courtesy of producer Kathryn Bay) of Dumbya's greatest hits and misses. (That's Mike in the background, laughing his ass off at King George's remarks.) While I won't spoil all of the perverted pleasures of hearing this dickhead dispense his fractured wisdom, I can't resist sharing a few of my favorites, every one of them word-for-word from the horse's ass.

--"Liberty is God's gift to the human mankind."

--"Poor people aren't necessarily killers."

--"We'll be more better at cleaning our air."

--[On Iraq:] "It'll take time to restore chaos and order, but we will."

--"He [Saddam] has developed weapons of math death."

--"I'm gonna tell you something about this country-- in my mind, there is no doubt that we won't solve these problems."

All this and more, and yet, he still has (barely) the support of the country's majority. To quote Albert Brooks in The Muse, "Here's to the educational system!"

Posted by Steve Monaco at January 3, 2004 5:03 AM

 

If I Ran TCM: Movies for next New Year's Eve

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Mohr Love-- "Is that an erection in your pocket or do you just want to shoot me?" Gerald Mohr poking fun at Mamie Van Doren in Guns, Girls, and Gangsters.

I had big plans for social gadding about last night. but after a supremely botched dinner at an overpriced Minneapolis steak joint called J.D. Hoyt's (medium well doesn't bleed all over the plate, you assholes, especially not for $35), I dragged my sour attitude back home instead and was parked in front of the tube by 10 p.m. And I couldn't believe how unimaginative and completely non-holiday related the films selections by Turner Classic Movies were this year. Cat Ballou, After the Thin Man, Airplane!-- why bother?

While it's true that New Year's Eve movies are nowhere near as plentiful or popular as Xmas flicks, there are still some good ones, and their relative rarity would make them all of interest to the kind of buff who watches TCM. For example, here's my suggested triple feature for the evening:

1) Love Thy Neighbor (1940) starring Jack Benny and Fred Allen. This isn't nearly as funny as Allen's It's in the Bag, which features a guest stint by Benny, but it's still a treat to see the two together, and the beginning revolves around a New Year's Eve broadcast of Benny's radio show. It's interesting for historical reasons alone, but it's better than that, and the gag involving a "bumping contest" not only allows us to see Benny's legendary Maxwell but also to watch Allen turn it into a complete wreck.

2) Guns, Girls, and Gangsters (1959) starring Mamie Van Doren, Gerald Mohr and Lee Van Cleef. This is a good, tough little crime movie directed by Edward L. Cahn (Invasion of the Saucer-Men), and besides the enjoyably weird pairing of Van Doren and Mohr-- the girl who couldn't act and the man who wouldn't-- the main attraction is an armored car heist on New Year's. If the showing of the film is timed just right, midnight in the movie can occur at 12 a.m. in real life, and the clock on the diner wall will help count down the minutes just as well as the one in Times Square.

3) Get Crazy (1983) starring Malcolm McDowell and Daniel Stern. This would probably be the best New Year's Eve comedy ever made even if the field were crowded. Director Allan Arkush drew upon his experiences working at Bill Graham's Fillmore to add vicious detail to a story about the world's most disaster-prone rock concert, and he lets the gags and character assassinations fly. It features some very funny lampoons of Jagger (McDowell), Bob Dylan (Lou Reed), and a Muddy Waters character called King Blues, played by Bill Henderson (after chugging down some hooch, the King accidentally steps into a closet and cries out, "Don't drink that wine, boys-- it struck me blind!"). The movie is also filled with bits for rock&roll trivia fans as well-- the tripped-out guru of an old psych band on the bill is played by Howard Kaylan of The Turtles, and the evil security guards are none other than Bobby Sherman and Fabian! This is the one to play after midnight; following an evening of champagne and, perhaps, other intoxicants, it'll seem even funnier.

Posted by Steve Monaco at January 1, 2004 11:49 PM

 

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