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The Origin of Lighter-Fist!

Once again, instead of working on something worthwhile, I've come up with another ridiculous comic-book script, this time for a super-villian whose power comes from Bic lighters-- a bad man to meet at a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert.

PANEL ONE:
Picture of our villian in costume, posing.
TITLE CAPTION: "The Origin of Lighter-Fist!"
BOTTOM CAPTION: He can blow up the world!

PANEL TWO:
Picture of an ugly, somewhat pinheaded dolt, "cigarette" dangling from his mouth, inspecting the lighter in his hand.
CAPTION: One day while lighting a reefer, low-life and criminal Vaclav Skrota learned a fact that changed his life.
SKROTA: "Warning: This lighter has the explosive power of one stick of dynamite." Geez, and it only cost 59 cents!

PANEL THREE:
Skrota burns with sudden realization.
SKROTA: Wait a minute-- with cheap dynamite at my command, I could blow up anybody or anything that got in my way. I could rule the world! Or at least fuck it up!

PANEL FOUR:
Another super-heroic, er, -villianous pose in costume and mask, holding his lighter high.
CAPTION: Overnight, Vaclav Skrota was transformed into LIGHTER-FIST-- the most explosive super-villian who ever lived!

PANEL FIVE:
Lighter-Fist at a bank-teller's window, brandishing his fist at the poor wage-slave.
CAPTION: He immediately goes on a crime spree!
LIGHTER-FIST: Give me all your money or I'll blow your head off!
TELLER: But-- but I only look gay!
BANK GUARD (running up behind him, gun drawn): Hey, buddy, drop that Bic and spread 'em! I am gay!

PANEL SIX:
Lighter-Fist turns on the guard and swings, in Jolly Jack Kirby style (if Jack had drawn characters with lighters).
LIGHTER-FIST: You asked for it, my homo-erotical friend-- behold the power of LIGHTER-FIST!

PANEL SEVEN:
A mighty cloud of "Ka-Pow" covers the area where fist meets skull.
CAPTION: The impact of the explosion was heard across the room!
GUARD: Yaaah! My head!
LIGHTER-FIST: Arggghh! MY HAND!!

PANEL EIGHT:
A policeman takes away the defeated Lighter-Fist, whose right arm now comes to a burnt point.
CAPTION: Unfortunately for Lighter-Fist, the impact of his mighty punch also destroyed his own hand.
LIGHTER-FIST: Shit! I never thought of that!
POLICE-MAN: When we get in the car, hang your arm out the window-- it stinks!

THE END OF LIGHTER-FIST . . . or is it??

Posted by Steve Monaco at February 28, 2006 3:18 PM

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