Ricco aka Mean Machine (1973 - Italy), starring Christopher Mitchum. Yes, that's Bob's son, and he's absolutely terrible. And there isn't a moment in this otherwise swell crime pic where he looks remotely like he does in this poster. Instead, young Chris looks like he's trying out for The Monkees, complete with Peter Tork 'do. Not only is his acting non-existent, but he ruins some good action scenes, mainly because he punches like a girl (in one fight scene, he even cringes when the other actor fights back).

But it doesn't really matter, because the rest of the movie is a near-perfect early '70s Euro thriller, which means that it's even tougher than American crime movies of the era. In fact, it has a castration scene the likes of which I never want to see again-- let's just say the victim is forced to, er, lose his "cake" and eat it, too. And then he's dumped in a vat of acid-- that's tough! (American actor Arthur Kennedy, drowning in hair dye, plays the vengeful mob boss directing the sadism.) Recommended for fans of '70s bad guy movies.

Girl Gang (1954), starring Timothy Farrell. A lean and surprisingly entertaining drug exploitation pic (pro- or anti- is a hard call) that moves fast with lots of funny dialogue. Today it's reefers, tomorrow the mainline, both of which suits Joe the pusher, who makes out with all the girls and shoots up the boys enough to make them his henchmen. (That's him in the poster with the babe in the nylons-- "Girls like it in the leg, where the mark doesn't show.") Throw in an alcoholic doc who operates on kitchen tables, an initiation for the girls involving five boys in a row, and a harp that plays everytime somebody gets stoned. It's all good fun!

Pusher Joe was played by Ed Wood alumnus Timothy Farrell, and the sleaziness he exudes on-screen apparently came naturally. Here's his entire imdb bio: "Worked as a bailiff in the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department while also working in the movies. One of his movies, Paris After Midnight, was actually busted in a vice raid in the mid-50s, which caused him professional embarrassment. He went on to work 20 years as an L.A. deputy marshall and eventually was appointed County Marshall in 1971. He was convicted of felony charges after his appointment, however, for "illegal use of deputy marshalls in political activities," and was given a six month sentence, but received probation due to poor health. He was fired in 1975."

Here's the trailer at youtube.

Here's the picture clue:

And here's the sound clue. WARNING: Not only is it not safe for work, but depending on who you live with, it may not even be safe to listen to at home!

Know the movie? Want to admit it? Then send me an email by late Sunday night. If you're correct, expect to see your name in next week's sleazy winner's circle. (That's not a clue, just a description-- if you've seen this, you'll agree!) And farewell, Ingmar Bergman.

Last week's quiz movie in question, Mike Judge's Idiocracy, didn't turn out to be a DVD-and-cable smash hit like his first theatrical failure, Office Space, proving Mencken correct in reverse: no one ever made money overestimating the intelligence of the American people. Of course, it had considerable help in not finding its audience from 20th (or, as Gore Vidal calls it, 19th) Century Fox, which withheld it for over a year, then released it in a total of six cities, not including New York. An Esquire article about the filmmaker reported that Judge couldn't even get studio approval to show his interviewer the film's trailer!

Do you suppose Fox's burial of the film could have anything to do with . . . this?

Idiocracy, once titled The United States of Uhh-merica, is a brutal assessment of where the country is going intellectually-- downhill, like the garbage avalanche that starts the story. When Army Pvt. Joe Bowers (Luke Wilson, perfectly cast as a total mediocrity) wakes up in the future, it's in a country that's become so stupid that he finds himself the smartest guy in it. How'd it get that dumb? Here's the opening of the film to explain it:

Judge and co-writer Etan Cohen are merciless in their depiction of our moronic future, filling the film with great visual gags, like:

And then there's the non-stop advertising everywhere, like:

("Warning: The Surgeon General has one lung and a voicebox but he could still kick your sorry ass." Which reminds me of the national favorite movie, Ass-- ninety hilarious minutes of a naked rear end that occasionally breaks wind, winner of eight Oscars including Best Screenplay. )

Sure, there's plenty of Butthead-level humor and the film as a whole is not the home run that Office Space was, but it's so ambitious in its scope and so scathing in its satirical loathing of corporate culture and American politics (and people) that only dumbasses wouldn't find it funny. And, apparently, they didn't-- at least at Fox!

So congratulations and a lifetime supply of Brawndo to the following winners: Wayne Palmer, Corey Anderson, Peter Schilling, Sarah Bergstrom, Jim Moomey, Chris Hesler, Michael Mattson, Song-Un Lee, Jordan Linde, E. Yarber, Bill Hearne, mick, Michael Swanlund, Jack Sparks, Vince Tuss, Gus Mastrapa, Stacy Sarette, Henry Keene, and Nancy Louise Rutherford. And extra-stupid kudos to Ray Bothun, who wins this week's Grand Prize, The Metheny-Mehldau Quartet CD.

Give Us the Cock (Cameroon) Have you ever refused to take a gift because you think it is uncalled for? Many Cameroonians would say no. Reason: they are just too ready to receive anything that comes for free; even if they do not need it.

That is why members of a certain delegation that recently travelled to a rural area were shocked when a member of the group turned down a gift offered by one of the local inhabitants. And what gift! A big cock.

Most members of the delegation could not hold back their disappointment as they drove from the little village. But, to the surprise of many, on arrival in Yaounde, the rejected cock was in the back booth of one of the cars? Don't ask me how it found itself there.

Woman Kills 3 in Hellish Car Crash (Bulgaria) Sofia Appellate Court decided Tuesday to release on BGN 5,000 bail the 36-year-old Zhivka Ilieva, who caused a hellish crash under the influence of alcohol. The judges decided the defendant is not likely to hide or impede the investigation process. Besides she was suffering from neurasthenia and had to look after her seriously ill mother.

Zhivka Ilieva caused the hellish accident after loosing control over her car, it flied over a metal fence on the road and fall on the top of another vehicle, which was moving in the other lane.

The 16-year-old son of the drunk woman, who was travelling on the seat next to his mother, had his arm broken and slight injuries throughout his body.

Stanley Kubrick

Salvador Dali

Asterix and Obelix

(Apparently, the No Parking sign doesn't apply to trees.)

For the past few weeks, the above mess has been my front yard. My local power company cut the tree but wouldn't take it. Then they said they would take it but never came. Then they said they wouldn't take it after all and that was final. I decided to post a little something here about it, and when I called the power company and told them I was, they cleaned it up the very next day. So thanks, guys!

Ladies and gentlemen-- the President of America!

And here's a snippet from his latest State of the Union. (Probably not safe for work-- after all, it's the Prez!)

Know the movie? Then send me an email by late Sunday night. If you're right, expect to see your name in next week's futuristic winner's circle.

Lots of unkind comments about Kathy Bates in last week's picture clue for About Schmidt (2002): "That scene will be burned into my memory for an eternity-- whew!" "The horror! The horror!!" "I admire Kathy Bates's freespiritedness, but that scene left scars." "One of the few times in my life when I didn't want a movie to have a nude scene!" "Yuck!"

There were a few kinder-hearted, or at least pragmatic commenters, too: "I thought it was refreshing to see someone naked on film who actually looked like what my wife and I are starting to see in the mirror." "For ages we've seen less than perfect bodies shown in all their glory in classic foreign films, but for all our talk of freedom, Americans are still very hungup when it comes to seeing normal folks nude on screen." "I loved the scene, whatever that says about me."

(Something I didn't know-- according to quiz winner Isaac Kaufman, "For those who just can't get enough of Kathy Bates in the nude, she originated the role of Frankie in Terrence McNally's Frankie and Johnny in the Claire de Lune. Frankie is stark naked for the first ten minutes or so of the play.")

Of course, there was plenty of discussion of the film, too, as well as Jack Nicholson's performance (both he and Bates were nominated for Oscars). Is it a hard-edged but still warm-hearted look at age and conformity, or was it a cold, razor-sharp satire? Is the ending (which I won't reveal, even at this late date) a cathartic one for the character, or is it mocking him? Or is he mocking it? I know from experience when the film was new that these questions can inspire all kinds of enjoyable debates about not just the movie, but life in general. I don't remember any of that kind of discussion caused by Something's Gotta Give or Anger Management.

But mostly people wanted to talk about naked Kathy Bates. There's one guy, however, who has nothing to say about it (besides yours truly): her costar, who recently made the news by celebrating his 70th birthday-- looking like this:

Maybe it's time for About Schmidt 2-- rated XXX!

Another new record for quiz responses, so congratulations and a wedding toast from Schmidt himself to the following winners: Vince Tuss, Wayne Palmer, Joe Rosenberg, Peter Schilling, Sam Bauman, Robert Redwing, Song-Un Lee, Mike Ross, Isaac Kaufman, Shannon Luckert, Mark Gisleson, Maureen Dunaway, Maggie Ripsin, Sean Lynch, Michael Mattson, Dean Carlson, E. Yarber, Kevin Thomas, Rachel Johnson, Kevin Musolino, Crisy Balgard, Jack Sparks (whose #1 fave movie is The Spy Who Came in from the Cold), Nancy Louise Rutherford, Jim Moomey, Stacy Sarette, Joe Dawkins, Mike Kelly, Michael Swanlund, Donald Greene, Eric Castro, Bill Hearne, Steve Johnson, Jeanette Nolan, mick, Sarah Bergstrom, Thomas Miller, and Corey Anderson. And special kudos to Mary Mezzenga, who wins this week's Grand Prize, "In My Songs," the last recording by Gerald LaVert.

Fever Pitch (1985), starring Ryan O'Neal, written and directed by Richard Brooks.

O'Neal plays a reporter writing about a pathetic loser who's gambled away everything-- himself-- and the movie is a laugh-out-loud mashup of sermonizing, sleaze, and a senile geezer's idea of what the '80s were all about. Brooks, a writer first and director second, made a great movie-- In Cold Blood-- and several really good ones, but at the end, his ear for dialogue went completely deaf. The weird, diverse cast includes actors who were in on the joke (i.e., the movie), like William Smith's ultra-cruel hit man and ultra-suave Giancarlo Giannini, and those whose performances boil down to, "Gee, Mr. Brooks, I'm acting as hard as I can!" In the latter group is, of course, O'Neal and poor Catherine Hicks, who has some of the movie's worst dialogue-- like this. Note the turgid pseudo-jazz, courtesy of Thomas Dolby.

(If that snippet made you want more, here's a touching scene involving a father and son.)

Fever Pitch isn't a good movie, but it's fun in a way good movies never are, and I loved every stinking minute of it. How much? I think it's worthy of The Oscar!

Time Table (1956), starring and directed by Mark Stevens. Proving that great actors are born that way, here's Jack Klugman giving a Quincy-level performance in his screen debut. In fact, other than having thinner hair when he was younger, he's exactly the same, every inflection and hand gesture bringing to mind Oscar Madison at his twitchiest. This crooked-cop noir by minor '40s film star Mark Stevens also features Alan Reed, Jr. (aka Fred Flintstone) and John "Godfather" Marley as a Tijuana lowlife named Bobby who runs a "high-class wetback game."