July 2007

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My movie year (so far)

Ricco aka Mean Machine (1973 - Italy), starring Christopher Mitchum. Yes, that's Bob's son, and he's absolutely terrible. And there isn't a moment in this otherwise swell crime pic where he looks remotely like he does in this poster. Instead, young Chris looks like he's trying out for The Monkees, complete with Peter Tork 'do. Not only is his acting non-existent, but he ruins some good action scenes, mainly because he punches like a girl (in one fight scene, he even cringes when the other actor fights back).

But it doesn't really matter, because the rest of the movie is a near-perfect early '70s Euro thriller, which means that it's even tougher than American crime movies of the era. In fact, it has a castration scene the likes of which I never want to see again-- let's just say the victim is forced to, er, lose his "cake" and eat it, too. And then he's dumped in a vat of acid-- that's tough! (American actor Arthur Kennedy, drowning in hair dye, plays the vengeful mob boss directing the sadism.) Recommended for fans of '70s bad guy movies.

Girl Gang (1954), starring Timothy Farrell. A lean and surprisingly entertaining drug exploitation pic (pro- or anti- is a hard call) that moves fast with lots of funny dialogue. Today it's reefers, tomorrow the mainline, both of which suits Joe the pusher, who makes out with all the girls and shoots up the boys enough to make them his henchmen. (That's him in the poster with the babe in the nylons-- "Girls like it in the leg, where the mark doesn't show.") Throw in an alcoholic doc who operates on kitchen tables, an initiation for the girls involving five boys in a row, and a harp that plays everytime somebody gets stoned. It's all good fun!

Pusher Joe was played by Ed Wood alumnus Timothy Farrell, and the sleaziness he exudes on-screen apparently came naturally. Here's his entire imdb bio: "Worked as a bailiff in the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department while also working in the movies. One of his movies, Paris After Midnight, was actually busted in a vice raid in the mid-50s, which caused him professional embarrassment. He went on to work 20 years as an L.A. deputy marshall and eventually was appointed County Marshall in 1971. He was convicted of felony charges after his appointment, however, for "illegal use of deputy marshalls in political activities," and was given a six month sentence, but received probation due to poor health. He was fired in 1975."

Here's the trailer at youtube.

Posted by Steve Monaco at July 30, 2007 3:16 PM

 

The Monday Movie Quiz #134

Here's the picture clue:

And here's the sound clue. WARNING: Not only is it not safe for work, but depending on who you live with, it may not even be safe to listen to at home!

Know the movie? Want to admit it? Then send me an email by late Sunday night. If you're correct, expect to see your name in next week's sleazy winner's circle. (That's not a clue, just a description-- if you've seen this, you'll agree!) And farewell, Ingmar Bergman.

Posted by Steve Monaco at July 30, 2007 1:03 AM

 

Last week's Movie Quiz winners

Last week's quiz movie in question, Mike Judge's Idiocracy, didn't turn out to be a DVD-and-cable smash hit like his first theatrical failure, Office Space, proving Mencken correct in reverse: no one ever made money overestimating the intelligence of the American people. Of course, it had considerable help in not finding its audience from 20th (or, as Gore Vidal calls it, 19th) Century Fox, which withheld it for over a year, then released it in a total of six cities, not including New York. An Esquire article about the filmmaker reported that Judge couldn't even get studio approval to show his interviewer the film's trailer!

Do you suppose Fox's burial of the film could have anything to do with . . . this?

Idiocracy, once titled The United States of Uhh-merica, is a brutal assessment of where the country is going intellectually-- downhill, like the garbage avalanche that starts the story. When Army Pvt. Joe Bowers (Luke Wilson, perfectly cast as a total mediocrity) wakes up in the future, it's in a country that's become so stupid that he finds himself the smartest guy in it. How'd it get that dumb? Here's the opening of the film to explain it:

Judge and co-writer Etan Cohen are merciless in their depiction of our moronic future, filling the film with great visual gags, like:

And then there's the non-stop advertising everywhere, like:

("Warning: The Surgeon General has one lung and a voicebox but he could still kick your sorry ass." Which reminds me of the national favorite movie, Ass-- ninety hilarious minutes of a naked rear end that occasionally breaks wind, winner of eight Oscars including Best Screenplay. )

Sure, there's plenty of Butthead-level humor and the film as a whole is not the home run that Office Space was, but it's so ambitious in its scope and so scathing in its satirical loathing of corporate culture and American politics (and people) that only dumbasses wouldn't find it funny. And, apparently, they didn't-- at least at Fox!

So congratulations and a lifetime supply of Brawndo to the following winners: Wayne Palmer, Corey Anderson, Peter Schilling, Sarah Bergstrom, Jim Moomey, Chris Hesler, Michael Mattson, Song-Un Lee, Jordan Linde, E. Yarber, Bill Hearne, mick, Michael Swanlund, Jack Sparks, Vince Tuss, Gus Mastrapa, Stacy Sarette, Henry Keene, and Nancy Louise Rutherford. And extra-stupid kudos to Ray Bothun, who wins this week's Grand Prize, The Metheny-Mehldau Quartet CD.

Posted by Steve Monaco at July 29, 2007 11:19 PM

 

World news stories you may have missed

Give Us the Cock (Cameroon) Have you ever refused to take a gift because you think it is uncalled for? Many Cameroonians would say no. Reason: they are just too ready to receive anything that comes for free; even if they do not need it.

That is why members of a certain delegation that recently travelled to a rural area were shocked when a member of the group turned down a gift offered by one of the local inhabitants. And what gift! A big cock.

Most members of the delegation could not hold back their disappointment as they drove from the little village. But, to the surprise of many, on arrival in Yaounde, the rejected cock was in the back booth of one of the cars? Don't ask me how it found itself there.

Woman Kills 3 in Hellish Car Crash (Bulgaria) Sofia Appellate Court decided Tuesday to release on BGN 5,000 bail the 36-year-old Zhivka Ilieva, who caused a hellish crash under the influence of alcohol. The judges decided the defendant is not likely to hide or impede the investigation process. Besides she was suffering from neurasthenia and had to look after her seriously ill mother.

Zhivka Ilieva caused the hellish accident after loosing control over her car, it flied over a metal fence on the road and fall on the top of another vehicle, which was moving in the other lane.

The 16-year-old son of the drunk woman, who was travelling on the seat next to his mother, had his arm broken and slight injuries throughout his body.

Posted by Steve Monaco at July 24, 2007 4:55 AM

 

(Famous) Men at Work

Stanley Kubrick

Salvador Dali

Asterix and Obelix

Posted by Steve Monaco at July 24, 2007 2:57 AM

 

Joyce Kilmer was crazy

(Apparently, the No Parking sign doesn't apply to trees.)

For the past few weeks, the above mess has been my front yard. My local power company cut the tree but wouldn't take it. Then they said they would take it but never came. Then they said they wouldn't take it after all and that was final. I decided to post a little something here about it, and when I called the power company and told them I was, they cleaned it up the very next day. So thanks, guys!

Posted by Steve Monaco at July 24, 2007 12:41 AM

 

The Monday Movie Quiz #133

Ladies and gentlemen-- the President of America!

And here's a snippet from his latest State of the Union. (Probably not safe for work-- after all, it's the Prez!)

Know the movie? Then send me an email by late Sunday night. If you're right, expect to see your name in next week's futuristic winner's circle.

Posted by Steve Monaco at July 23, 2007 12:56 AM

 

Last week's Movie Quiz winners

Lots of unkind comments about Kathy Bates in last week's picture clue for About Schmidt (2002): "That scene will be burned into my memory for an eternity-- whew!" "The horror! The horror!!" "I admire Kathy Bates's freespiritedness, but that scene left scars." "One of the few times in my life when I didn't want a movie to have a nude scene!" "Yuck!"

There were a few kinder-hearted, or at least pragmatic commenters, too: "I thought it was refreshing to see someone naked on film who actually looked like what my wife and I are starting to see in the mirror." "For ages we've seen less than perfect bodies shown in all their glory in classic foreign films, but for all our talk of freedom, Americans are still very hungup when it comes to seeing normal folks nude on screen." "I loved the scene, whatever that says about me."

(Something I didn't know-- according to quiz winner Isaac Kaufman, "For those who just can't get enough of Kathy Bates in the nude, she originated the role of Frankie in Terrence McNally's Frankie and Johnny in the Claire de Lune. Frankie is stark naked for the first ten minutes or so of the play.")

Of course, there was plenty of discussion of the film, too, as well as Jack Nicholson's performance (both he and Bates were nominated for Oscars). Is it a hard-edged but still warm-hearted look at age and conformity, or was it a cold, razor-sharp satire? Is the ending (which I won't reveal, even at this late date) a cathartic one for the character, or is it mocking him? Or is he mocking it? I know from experience when the film was new that these questions can inspire all kinds of enjoyable debates about not just the movie, but life in general. I don't remember any of that kind of discussion caused by Something's Gotta Give or Anger Management.

But mostly people wanted to talk about naked Kathy Bates. There's one guy, however, who has nothing to say about it (besides yours truly): her costar, who recently made the news by celebrating his 70th birthday-- looking like this:

Maybe it's time for About Schmidt 2-- rated XXX!

Another new record for quiz responses, so congratulations and a wedding toast from Schmidt himself to the following winners: Vince Tuss, Wayne Palmer, Joe Rosenberg, Peter Schilling, Sam Bauman, Robert Redwing, Song-Un Lee, Mike Ross, Isaac Kaufman, Shannon Luckert, Mark Gisleson, Maureen Dunaway, Maggie Ripsin, Sean Lynch, Michael Mattson, Dean Carlson, E. Yarber, Kevin Thomas, Rachel Johnson, Kevin Musolino, Crisy Balgard, Jack Sparks (whose #1 fave movie is The Spy Who Came in from the Cold), Nancy Louise Rutherford, Jim Moomey, Stacy Sarette, Joe Dawkins, Mike Kelly, Michael Swanlund, Donald Greene, Eric Castro, Bill Hearne, Steve Johnson, Jeanette Nolan, mick, Sarah Bergstrom, Thomas Miller, and Corey Anderson. And special kudos to Mary Mezzenga, who wins this week's Grand Prize, "In My Songs," the last recording by Gerald LaVert.

Posted by Steve Monaco at July 22, 2007 9:03 PM

 

My movie year (so far)

Fever Pitch (1985), starring Ryan O'Neal, written and directed by Richard Brooks.

O'Neal plays a reporter writing about a pathetic loser who's gambled away everything-- himself-- and the movie is a laugh-out-loud mashup of sermonizing, sleaze, and a senile geezer's idea of what the '80s were all about. Brooks, a writer first and director second, made a great movie-- In Cold Blood-- and several really good ones, but at the end, his ear for dialogue went completely deaf. The weird, diverse cast includes actors who were in on the joke (i.e., the movie), like William Smith's ultra-cruel hit man and ultra-suave Giancarlo Giannini, and those whose performances boil down to, "Gee, Mr. Brooks, I'm acting as hard as I can!" In the latter group is, of course, O'Neal and poor Catherine Hicks, who has some of the movie's worst dialogue-- like this. Note the turgid pseudo-jazz, courtesy of Thomas Dolby.

(If that snippet made you want more, here's a touching scene involving a father and son.)

Fever Pitch isn't a good movie, but it's fun in a way good movies never are, and I loved every stinking minute of it. How much? I think it's worthy of The Oscar!

Time Table (1956), starring and directed by Mark Stevens. Proving that great actors are born that way, here's Jack Klugman giving a Quincy-level performance in his screen debut. In fact, other than having thinner hair when he was younger, he's exactly the same, every inflection and hand gesture bringing to mind Oscar Madison at his twitchiest. This crooked-cop noir by minor '40s film star Mark Stevens also features Alan Reed, Jr. (aka Fred Flintstone) and John "Godfather" Marley as a Tijuana lowlife named Bobby who runs a "high-class wetback game."

Posted by Steve Monaco at July 19, 2007 5:40 PM

 

Scenes from a strip mall

Posted by Steve Monaco at July 17, 2007 3:19 PM

 

Salvador Dali sells out

It's not too surprising that Salvador Dali did TV commercials in Europe, where advertising has been genuinely creative and enjoyable, but it's strange to see him plying his trade for American products. Here's a Youtube collection of ads featuring and/or created by the great loon. And if you liked those, here's a video of an unknown (to me) 30-second spot for . . . surrealism? (Right click link to download wmv file.)

Posted by Steve Monaco at July 16, 2007 4:13 PM

 

The Monday Movie Quiz #132

If you've seen the movie in question, you will never forget the above scene, for better or worse. So if you know the title, send me an email by late Sunday night. If you're correct, expect to see your name in next week's winner's circle. (Sorry, no helpful adjective comes to mind for this week's choice!)

Posted by Steve Monaco at July 16, 2007 12:07 AM

 

Last week's Movie Quiz winners

Shadow of a Doubt (1943) was only the second time Joseph Cotten had worked with a director other than Orson Welles, and his first time playing any kind of villian, let alone a serial killer. (Of course, on radio, Cotten was a bad guy from the beginning, and in an episode of Suspense, he even carried his victim's head around for almost the entire show.) As Uncle Charlie, the Merry Widow Murderer, he's one of the movies' first cool psychopaths.

The film was also a turning point in Alfred Hitchcock's career in America. In his now-historic Truffaut interviews, Hitch claimed that, unlike in England, he wasn't getting his choice of first-tier stars and writers because his genre wasn't respected or considered Grade A pictures. Working with Thornton Wilder on the script for Shadow of a Doubt was important to him because, he said, Wilder took the project as seriously as he did his own plays. (I liked quiz winner Kevin Musolino's comment, "I like to think of the movie as the last, unused act of Our Town.") Hitchcock even gave "Mr. Thornton Wilder" a special thanks in the credits.

Quiz winner Mr. Donald Greene wrote, "Even a Hitchcock hater like you has got to admit that this is a great film." (Yes, I do, with no hesitation.) Several people commented on seeing Hume Cronyn in the first picture clue (and in his first film), and how hard to believe he was ever that young. And there were lots of comments from winners along the lines of "One of my all-time favorites Hitchcocks," or even, in the case of Jack Sparks, "my 2nd favorite movie of all time." (Okay, Jack, we all want to know-- what's #1?)

Even though the movie is almost retirement age, it got quite a few correct responses. So congratulations and a perfect killing by Hume to the following winners: Nancy Louise Rutherford, Elaine Carlson, Wayne Palmer, Vince Tuss, Bill Hearne, Josefina Avila, Song-Un Lee, E. Yarber, Mike Kelly, Peter Schilling, Colleen Frankhart, Robert Redwing, Jack Sparks, Donald Greene, Tim McDonough, mick, Mike Murphy, Stacy Sarette, Kevin Musolino, and Thomas Miller. (Extra points to Vince Tuss for finding where I cribbed the pics.) And special congratulations to Patrick Orr, who wins this week's Grand Prize, "Collective Soul's Greatest Hits."

Posted by Steve Monaco at July 15, 2007 4:49 PM

 

My movie year (so far)

Rapsodia satanica (1915 - Italy), directed by Nino Oxilia. Faust with a sex change, as Satan gives a vain old woman another dose of youth. It's an early Italian silent that's very interesting as an objet d'art, less so as a movie. But Ugo Bazzini as Mephisto (above) is one of the first great movie monsters.

Superargo Versus Diabolicus (1966 - Italy/Spain), directed by Nick Nostro. A dull, stupid Goldfinger ripoff only noteworthy for its groovy opening credit sequence, as the wrestling superhero writhes around in a psychedelic haze. But Superargo himself is a lameass-- give me Santo or give me death!

Back Door to Hell (1964), starring Jack Nicholson, directed by Monte Hellman. At the time, the "star" of this low-budget war movie was Jimmie "Honeycomb" Rodgers, but he's easily outshined by young Jack, who isn't even that good yet. It's a war movie with very little war in it (it was really low budget), which is cleverly covered up by Hellman's ever-moving camera and some decent "meaning of life" dialogue between Jack and "Jersey," played by John Hackett.

Posted by Steve Monaco at July 11, 2007 12:31 AM

 

The Monday Movie Quiz #131

I keep turning up the difficulty level on these quizzes, and lots of people still keep saying, "Too easy!" So let's continue with classic Hollywood movies, this one even older than last week's choice.

Three picture clues-- here they are:

Know the film? Then send me an email with the title by late Sunday night. If you got it right, expect to see your name in next week's questionable winner's circle.

Posted by Steve Monaco at July 9, 2007 12:18 AM

 

Last week's Movie Quiz winners

This week's quiz answers also included lots of fond memories for the movie in question, the 1951 science-fiction classic The Day the Earth Stood Still, directed by Robert Wise and starring Michael Rennie in his most memorable role. (Yeah, I know-- name another.) The quintessential "Friendly alien with a warning" story, it also featured what is probably the best-known line of outer-space movie dialogue ever: "Klaatu barada nikto!"

(The character it's spoken to is so beloved even now, he should have been used in Universal's current mega-bomb instead of Steve Carrell, and the movie's title should have been Gort Almighty.)

Although Earth is sometimes thought of as a kids' movie today (at least by people who haven't seen it), it's actually second only to Invasion of the Body Snatchers as Hollywood's best McCarthy-era science fiction. As one quiz winner put it, "The storyline still goes far against the grain of this country's increasingly hysterical fear of The Other, suggesting that America might NOT know everything, let alone be the inevitable center of the universe."

(He also warned, as did others, than a remake is on the way, directed by the auteur behind Hellraiser: Inferno. It's now official: Hollywood would remake its own grandmother to make a buck!)

So congratulations and a regeneration session with Klaatu to the following winners: Vince Tuss, Wayne Palmer, Joe Rosenberg, Dean Carlson, Mark Gisleson, Robert Redwing, Maggie Ripsin, E. Yarber, Bill Hearne, Dack Anderson, Bill Kelly, Ken Harrison, Sadie Gannett, Martha Kiesling, Bill McLaughlin, Nancy Louise Rutherford, and Kevin Musolino (welcome back!). And galactic kudos to Robert DiGiusto, who wins this week's grand prize, The Best of the J. Geils Band! (In case you're not familiar with them, Robert, they made records at the same time as the guy below.)

Posted by Steve Monaco at July 8, 2007 8:07 PM

 

Great Actors Smackdown: Cruise vs Travolta-- The Results

The question was: Who's the greater actor?

This guy?

Or this guy?

And the winner is . . .

With over 80% of the vote, it's now official: John Travolta is a greater thespian than Tom Cruise!

*Crickets*

And John shouldn't be too thrilled about some of the votes he got. "I'd give the prize to Travolta if only because I'd rather watch The Devil's Rain over Risky Business." "I pick Travolta, but don't do this to your loyal fan base ever again." "I think Travolta has more to offer as an actor than TC, but I wouldn't mind if either disappeared. Maybe they could run off together to perform The Odd Couple on an intergalactic cruise ship." And, last and least, "What would you rather have: the pukes or the shits?"

Also, a couple votes were more anti-Cruise missiles than expressions of respect for John ("I could never see myself paying to see a Cruise movie") and some of the votes weren't even for his acting, but for his piloting skills! "Vinnie Barbarino is a helluva pilot and flies the big birds with skill. That means he isn't as dumb as he looks and acts." And one vote hinged at least a little on the fact that Travolta had worked with Debra Winger, the voter's (very good) choice for best actress from the '80s.

Just like last time, mine is the (heh heh) minority report-- I prefer Cruise by just a smidge, and it can be boiled down to one name: Kubrick. Eyes Wide Shut is an almost-great film and Cruise is almost worthy of it until the very end, where he simply can't do what the scene requires (a believable breakdown of shame and remorse). But Travolta couldn't have done it at all, and-- for me-- has no film of his own anywhere near as good. But I admit, it's faint praise and a small distinction.

Finally, there was one assessment I think all the respondents to the last two smackdowns would agree with: "I think Eastwood and Bronson make T&J look pretty crappy."

Thanks to everybody who chimed in, even the vast majority who disagree with me. And join us next time for another Great Actors Smackdown!

(Logo from this fine blog.)

Posted by Steve Monaco at July 5, 2007 12:31 AM

 

World news stories you may have missed

Man's "ice cream" was dildo (Sweden) Joanna Nordlander was walking through the centre of the town, 200 kilometres south-west of Stockholm, when she saw the man on his bicycle. What at first sight appeared to be an ice cream turned out on closer inspection to be a pink dildo.

"He was looking straight at me. When I saw what he had in his mouth I was speechless," she said.

Police sent a patrol to look for the man, but did not find him. Nordlander says that friends of hers have previously seen a man matching his description cycling around the same area of the town wearing nothing but a g-string.

Bulgarian Volleyball Official Dies in Hellish Car Crash (Bulgaria) The general manager of Bulgaria's volleyball team Levski Sikonko and a 47-year-old woman died in a hellish car crash, which closed the main road Sofia - Varna on Monday.

The other victim is a woman, who was sitting next to the culprit. She also died on spot at the road disaster.

Another four passengers have been immediately taken to a local hospital with heavy injuries throughout their bodies.

Posted by Steve Monaco at July 3, 2007 1:45 AM

 

The Monday Movie Quiz #130

That's it. And if you ever saw this movie when you were young, that single picture clue will be all you'll need. (I know old men who still remember vividly seeing this film for the first time-- in fact, I'm one of them.) So if you know the title, send me an email by late Sunday night. If you're right, expect to see your name in next week's immobile winner's circle.

P.S. There's still a little time left to check in with your thoughts on our current Great Actors Smackdown-- results posted on Wednesday.

Posted by Steve Monaco at July 2, 2007 12:53 AM

 

Last week's Movie Quiz winners

That's the poster that director Milos Forman wanted for The People vs. Larry Flynt, last week's quiz movie in question. Ironically, the poster was censored by the MPAA. (Here's the poster used in the U.S.) Part bio-pic, part free-speech class, it's an odd mix of sanitized smut and legal posing, with a really weird love story thrown in. But then, with Woody Harrelson and Courtney Love playing Larry and Althea Flynt, how could the love not be weird?

There were a few comments made in some emails about the dishonesty of the film, and I think they're valid. As grimy as the movie tries to be in depicting the world of Flynt and Hustler, it doesn't come close to reality. Or as one quiz winner put it, "None of the really disturbing images put out by Hustler are even hinted at, lest the audience question the morality of cheering on racism, violence against women, the lovable Chester the Molester,' and so on."

(The last comment about Chester reminds me of a story from Prisoner of X by longtime Hustler editor Allan MacDonell concerning Larry's born-again phase, which he imposed on the magazine. He insisted the cartoon be changed to Chester the Protector, and MacDonell heard the cartoonist griping to Flynt, "It'll kill the integrity of the strip!")

No one should underestimate the popularity of the late Vincent Schiavelli-- at least one-third of quiz respondents pointed to his face in the first picture clue as their giveaway! (Forman must have been fond of him, too-- he gave him roles in five of his films, including his first American movie.) Unique-looking as Vincent was, as in many Forman movies, he had a lot of strange-looking company, this time including none other than James "Serpent-Head" Carville.

In his review of the film, Christopher Hitchens described Carville as "looking every inch the product of the love scene from Deliverance."

And Forman even gave Larry a part playing the first judge who ever gave him a hard time.

(Another funny story about Larry the Born-Again Christian, this time from Paul Krassner, who was hired to help change the magazine during that period. At a loss for appropriate scratch-and-sniff centerfold ideas with a Christian theme, Krassner suggested one with the Virgin Mary. Larry thought it was a great idea-- "We'll make it smell like tomato juice!")

Lots of winners and no wrong answers (I'll have to do something about that!), so congratulations and a jug of Larry's moonshine to the following winners: Wayne Palmer, Gus Mastrapa, Peter Schilling, Song-Un Lee, Maggie Ripsin, Jack Sparks, Maureen Dunaway, John Middleton, Jim Moomey, Dack Anderson, Vince Tuss, E. Yarber, Kent Hofmeister, Tim McDonough, Thomas Kordonowy, Beth Davis, Jeremy Hodess, Michael Swanlund, Donald Greene, Bill Hearne, Stacy Sarette, Michael Mattson, Dennis Lynch, Mike Knox, and Corey Anderson. And big-- sorry, B.I.G. congratulations to Robert Redwing, for winning this week's grand prize, The Notorious B.I.G.'s Greatest Hits!!

Posted by Steve Monaco at July 1, 2007 8:12 PM

 

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