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Remake my day

(Will they change the classic line to, "Dude-- Keanu barada nikto?")

If you thought Hollywood's self-cannabalizing remake jag couldn't get worse, you won't believe some of the sacred cows they're planning to slaughter, not to mention remaking crap that, arguably, shouldn't have been made the first time. Yesterday's news was all about Keanu Reeves starring in The Day the Earth Stood Still (and as a friend said, what a terrible choice for a modern-day blockbuster-- a movie where the big event is everything not moving!), but the list of upcoming sacrileges and abominations only begins there-- how about:

A remake of the 1975 Disney movie Escape from Witch Mountain, starring The Rock!

Escape from New York, re-done for a 2009 release. Of course, Rob Zombie's remake of Halloween opens in just a few days, if you're already desperate for warmed-over John Carpenter.

Will Smith continues his career of walking in other actors footsteps by following both Vincent Price and Charlton Heston in a remake of Richard Matheson's I Am Legend (The Last Man on Earth, The Omega Man), while Russell Crowe imitates Glenn Ford in 3:10 to Yuma.

Finally-- and if I hadn't seen it in the Guardian, I wouldn't have believed it-- a movie so revered you would think it would be at the very top of the "Do Not Touch" list is being remade by Warner Brothers. "To the inevitable horror of the movie's thousands of ardent fans, the producers have vowed to take the story and inject it with a '2007 wow factor.'" It's the brainchild of a guy whose own best-known creation is this.

And the movie he'll be remaking is this.

As I've said before: the studios would remake their own grandmothers to make a buck.

Posted by Steve Monaco at August 28, 2007 3:22 PM

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