Forklift Driver Klaus: The First Day on the Job (Germany - 2000), written and directed by Stefan Prehn and Jorg Wagner. A ten-minute comedy gem-- a horror movie done as an educational training film, or vice versa. The narration (done by a German voice-over pro who really does training films) calmly comments on and corrects the bloody blunders caused by a careless newbie on his first day driving the lift, as the bodies pile up.

I try never to be presumptious with your time here, but if you can spare ten minutes, I think you'll find this as funny as I did. Warnings: it's in German with subtitles, and the beginning is deliberately a little dull, just like a real educational film. Also, comedy or not, the gore level is rated R, and if you don't like horror, I doubt you'd like this, either.

But for everybody else . . . enjoy.

A great movie, and not as old as it might look.

Know the title? Then send me an email by late Sunday-- if you're correct, expect to see your name in next week's winner's circle, just like a normal person.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are!" While it's not in the same league as "You talkin' to me?", Robert De Niro's taunt from the 1991 Martin Scorsese remake of Cape Fear would still be in his top five catchphrases. Likewise, his portrayal of Max Cady is one of his few later performances that come close to his best-known taxi-driving one-- in fact, one quiz-winning wag said that last week's picture clue even looked like "an episode of The Travis Bickle Show."

Based on the 1962 version starring Gregory Peck and Robert Mitchum (both had cameos in this remake), it's a star-filled popcorn movie, if a pretty damned grim one. De Niro's character is an ex-con with a Bible's worth of tattoos (Mitchum's character says, "I don't know whether to look at him or read him") who stalks his former lawyer (Nick Nolte) for suppressing evidence that could have kept him out of prison. The cast is filled with fine actors doing interesting things-- I especially enjoyed Joe Don Baker drinking whiskey and Pepto-Bismol-- and the direction is, as you'd expect, inspired (even though the movie was a commercial project Scorsese had to be talked into doing).

But with all the talent on both sides on the camera, De Niro still rules.

Whether by filling a movie theater with cigar smoke or biting off Illeana Douglas' face, De Niro made the most of playing a murderous beast. "Ugliest character he ever played, bar none. I doubt there's a single still from that movie where that ugliness doesn't show through." "De Niro was genuinely horrifying in this role." "Super creepy!" Not all the quiz winners were that impressed, though: "De Niro is good but he still can't hold a candle to Mitchum." "Part of it for me is that De Niro, like Nicholson, can no longer get lost in a role-- they've both become actors playing their image."

And everybody seemed to dislike the thumb-sucking star who played Nolte and Jessica Lange's pot-smoking daughter. "What a cast of heavyweights ... and Juliette Lewis." "I loved the movie, but I just can’t stand her in any incarnation." "Does she ever not suck, no pun intended?" Ouch! (For what it's worth, the infamous scene above was completely ad-libbed by Lewis and De Niro in one take.)

Lots of winners this week, so congratulations and an acting lesson from Max to the following fine folks: John Seffl, Wayne Palmer, Song-Un Lee, Christina O'Sullivan, Isaac Kaufman, Jack Sparks, Mark Gisleson, Bob Redwing, Corey Anderson, Bill Hearne, Thomas Miller, Kenneth Gramer (who was an extra in the movie!), Michael Mattson, Denny Lynch, The Curmudgeon, Mary Mezzenga, Nick Rupar, Bill McLaughlin, Fred Lorence, Dean E. Carlson, Doug Smith, Shaun Faulkner, E. Yarber, Bill Kelly, Donald Greene, Nancy Louise Rutherford, Kevin Musolino, Stacy Sarette, and Vince Tuss. Wow! Your acting lesson will begin . . . right now!

Small Town Ecstasy (2002), directed by Jay Blumenfield. If, like me, you've been marveling at the performance of Jeff Conaway on Celebrity Rehab, you might also enjoy this documentary about a 40-year-old E buff named Scott (that's him, above, looking youthful), a previous teetotaler who was introduced to the rave scene by his 18-year-old son and took to it like a fish to mercury.

The film documents how stupid one guy can be about his drugs, as it records a party where he rolls with his underage kids (he doesn't actually give them the pills, just the money to buy them). A few days later, after telling the film crew how smart he was to get his money back on his last deal by re-selling most of it, he discovers the cops in his apartment, ready to arrest him-- his ex learned of his chemically-altered approach to quality time and narked him off. After his bail-out (by his 18-year-old), he tells the camera that he's weighing his options: "Homicide. Suicide. Homicide and suicide."

The drug warriors could use this clown as Exhibit A to bolster their case, but no matter how stupid Scott's actions are, the real damage to him and his family occurs when the law makes its special guest appearance. While many things are left up in the air at the end (including his fate at the hands of the justice system), the one thing made clear is that putting him in jail will accomplish nothing for anybody. And besides, how evil a doper can anyone be who cries every time he hears Harry Chapin's "Cat's in the Cradle"?

And speaking of dopers . . .

Skidoo (1968), directed by Otto Preminger. Yes, that's none other than Groucho Marx bogarting that joint, in the notorious '60s hippie-esque megaflop that also featured Jackie Gleason taking an acid trip (in a prison cell!), not to mention Carol Channing's groundbreaking performance as . . . Big Bird!

And at great prices! (Display at a national chain store.)

You're only laughing at how he looks if you haven't seen the movie-- otherwise, you know that there's nothing funny about this guy. Know the name of the movie he's in? Then send me an email by late Sunday-- if you're right, expect to see your name in next week's remade winner's circle.

The clues for last week's movie in question, the 1931 gangster classic The Public Enemy, even included its star, James Cagney, in his breakthrough role. That's him looking like Frankenstein in bondage (clue #3) in the film's most memorable non-grapefruit moment. Watching his corpse crash to the floor face-first is still shocking, and it's the perfect ending for one of the most powerful performances the movies ever saw. (How powerful? His character is even named Tom Powers!)

It's the same basic story as Little Caesar, which it followed, and its successor, the original Scarface: the rise and fall of a charismatic hoodlum, thanks to the opportunities provided by prohibition. Director William A. Wellman, arguably the best pre-code filmmaker there was, changed Cagney from the best friend character to the lead, making movie history for them both. Another up-and-coming star of the film was none other than Jean Harlow.

(Get a good look, Jimmy? Three years later, the Hays Code would make that kind of pointed stare a big no-no.)

For a seventy-seven year old film, The Public Enemy is surprisingly modern, thanks to Wellman's direction and, especially, the force of Cagney's great performance. This was the first of the latter's fast-talking tough guy parts (so fast, he wasn't popular in other countries because he needed too many subtitles), and one of the few times his character had no redeeming qualities. As an actor, Cagney was always turned up to eleven, yet he was never hammy, as Orson Welles pointed out, saying he was the best film actor there was. It's all on display in the movie's most famous moment:

It was a tough quiz that actually stumped a few previously-unstumpable correspondents, so bigger than usual congratulations and a dirty rat to the following quiz winners: ron frigstad, Nancy Louise Rutherford, Dennis Lynch, The Curmudgeon, Thomas Miller, Matt Scott, Michael Mattson, Fred Lorence, Song-Un Lee, Christina O'Sullivan, E. Yarber, and Kevin Musolino.

Something a little different this week-- screenshots from a couple of movies that contain the very first closeups of two well-known stars.

The first is from the 1950 noir classic, Dark City-- it served as the inspiration for the title of Eddie Mueller's indispensible book, Dark City: The Lost World of Film Noir, and is a perfect example of the genre. Among its seedy pleasures are Jack Webb and Harry Morgan cast as enemies for a change, and Webb is hilarious as a weasly, dribble-glass-dispensing gunsel.

The first acting credit reads, "Introducing Charlton Heston," and when it's not obscuring his face, here's the world's first close-up look at the man who would be Moses.

If you think he looks a little sweaty and shifty, you're right-- the first thing he does is duck the cops, then get rid of a hot gun (insert your own NRA joke here).

Looking lovely, on the other hand, is something our next star can't seem to help, no matter what age. Although she'd already been in a couple Australian TV shows, here in her first feature-film close-up, from the immortal drama BMX Bandits, is 16-year-old Nicole Kidman.