April 13, 2008 - April 19, 2008

Rotten old rocker of the week

Announcing a new feature: videos of terrible performances by R&R legends who shouldn't be performing at all, because they're just too goddamned old.

Naturally, the inspiration is the ghoulish-looking new Rolling Stones movie directed by Martin Scorsese (it should have been George Romero)-- going by the clips, the Stones are now so creaky and worn-out, they really need to make this their last gasp before they actually have one onstage. And the rest of the sixties generation (now both the era and their decade of life) should join them in calling it quits. It should be a rule, if not a law, that when you're old enough to be honored in a hall of fame-- that is, a museum-- you must retire from rock and roll.

To get us started, here's what I'm talking about taken to its most ridiculous extreme: an 80-year-old Chuck Berry doddering through the Pulp Fiction favorite, "You Never Can Tell." Besides sounding like he's already deceased, Chuck treats his ripped-off audience to guitar playing so inept, I'm surprised the crowd wasn't convulsed with laughter. (I was.)

P.S. Know about a video of another old R&R band or singer that's as bad as this? Then by all means, please send me the link. I'll give credit for the find (or not, if you'd rather-- this one was sent by "anonymous"). But it has to be really bad!

Posted by Steve Monaco at April 19, 2008 11:53 PM

Thomas Ott, the god of comics noir

The wordless stories by Swiss artist Thomas Ott have been giving me the kind of comics-reading pleasure I didn't think I'd ever have again. Not that there's anything "pleasurable" about what happens in his stories or their exquisitely-rendered panels-- they're filled with knives in the back (in more ways than one), horrific facial expressions, and a sense of humor that's blood-drenched.

His are graphic short stories, not novels, but he packs in so much narrative and artistic detail in each one that repeated readings are a sardonic joy. Because he tells his nightmare stories so well with his balloon-free panels (no English translation necessary, thank goodness), you're tempted to zoom to the punchline, but it's the second and even third look that reveals how rich his dark fantasies really are.

Posted by Steve Monaco at April 18, 2008 2:03 AM

Great moments in TV history

Lon Chaney Jr. was a great Wolfman, but by the early '50s his alcoholism restricted him to roles where his character didn't speak. So in 1952, he played Frankenstein's monster on live TV-- a very drunk Frankenstein's monster. Another version of this short clip is titled "Frankenstein hurts a young boy." The kid's yelp at the end could be caused by either his co-star's over-exuberant grip or eyebrow-scorching booze breath. You decide.

Posted by Steve Monaco at April 16, 2008 5:21 AM

The Monday Movie Quiz #171

Three people you wouldn't expect to see together in one place, but they all had special roles in this week's quiz movie in question. So what is it? If you know, send me an email with the title by late Sunday-- if you're correct, prepare to feel the swelling pride that comes from seeing your name in next week's ultra-patriotic winner's circle.

Posted by Steve Monaco at April 14, 2008 12:03 AM

Last week's Movie Quiz winners

Is there a better-known last line than "Soylent Green is people"? It may as well be the movie's title, and it was in every answer from every single quiz winner. It's possibly the most parodied line/ending of all time, so even if you've never seen it, you know the big "surprise," which is obvious ten minutes into the story.

For all its hokum, Soylent Green (1973) had as bleak a view of the world's future as any science-fiction film Hollywood had made up to that point. Thanks to its source material, the novel Make Room, Make Room by Harry Harrison, its plot ingredients-- food shortages and riots, corporate evildoing, and environmental disasters-- apply to our own ongoing 21st century far too well. (We didn't get the euthenasia centers, but considering what the euthenized got used for, I'm not complaining.)

Of course, MGM watered it down and hoked it up-- Blade Runner it's not-- and even so, it's still not bad. Several winners remarked on Edward G. Robinson's performance in his last film-- he died shortly after its finish, and knew it was coming while he made it. His death scene is especially touching to old movie fans, who know him for great work like Little Caesar and Key Largo, but even people who've never seen him before are moved by it. His co-star, Charlton Heston, said that his own tears in the scene were genuine.

As for the scene itself being "the most horrifying death scene ever," the guys at stomptokyo do make a good point. (You may have to scroll up a bit to read the caption.)

Speaking of death and Heston, Chuck left us last week at the age of 83. Before he went on his "guns-and-Moses" kick, he was a decent actor who made some better-than-decent movies. Someone commented in an obituary that Heston was the right man for a new Hollywood in the '50s-- competing with TV, movies got bigger and more majestic, and Heston was the first epic actor.

But it's looking like the epics won't be the movies he's ultimately remembered for. It'll be movies and moments like this.

Of course, the email box was stuffed this week with correct answers and bad jokes, so congratulations and a date with Dick Van Patten (click the stomptokyo link!) to the following fans of soy-ence fiction: Wayne Palmer, Song-Un Lee, Joe Rosenberg, Dean Carlson, Mark Gisleson, Spencer Abbe, ron frigstad, Shaun Faulkner, Dave Mallow, Fred Lorence, Bob Redwing, Jack Sparks, Bill Hearne, Thomas Miller, Vince Tuss, John Seffl, Bill Kelly, Kenneth Gramer, Nancy Louise Rutherford, The Curmudgeon, Bob Aulert, E. Yarber, Jamie McFarland, Kevin Musolino, and Denny Lynch.

Posted by Steve Monaco at April 13, 2008 6:18 PM

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