Most Expensive Hand-Job Ever?

Or: Unsafe at Any Speed

Today's Star Tribune carries a story about a lawsuit against Timberwolf Eddie Griffin filed by a man who claims his car was damaged in a traffic accident he says was caused by Griffin. The ostensible point of the story is that the plaintiff has a videotape that shows Griffin in a convenience store after the accident staggering and telling people he's drunk. And it shows two Minneapolis police officers saying that Griffin was not getting a DWI, that they were driving him home to St. Paul.

All news, but this is the most amusing allegation in the piece:

The suit alleges that Griffin was watching a pornographic DVD in his SUV and masturbating when he crashed about 2:30 a.m. on March 30. Griffin, 24, had told the Star Tribune a day after the accident that a dropped cell phone caused him to crash.

Here's what I say: Of course he dropped his cell phone.