U of M conducts ruthless persecution of Baha'i

The drunk-vs.-stoned softball contest--that perennial college showdown--has a new variant: the agnostics vs. the atheists. The former, according to an April Minnesota Daily survey, outnumber the latter two-to-one on the U of M Twin Cities campus. The study, which polled 799 undergrads, graduate students, staff, and faculty, found that 14.9 percent identify their "current religious or belief system" as "agnostic"; 7.5 percent 'fessed up that they're not waiting for Santa Claus (the poll calls them "atheist.")

Curiously, only 3.7 percent of U of M students and staff reported having grown up in a godless home. It would seem that the University of Minnesota is responsible for shaking the faith of almost a fifth of its campus community. No data were available on precisely which course convinced students that the universe is a cold and utterly lonely place. May we suggest statistics?

Another April, 2006 study, by U of M associate professor of sociology Penny Edgell, found that only 3 percent of the U.S. population own up to being atheists. The study also found that most Americans revile these individuals as self-interested and a theat to shared morality and civil society. Potential advertising slogan for the American Atheists: "At Least We're Not Child Molesters.")

That level of loathing is nothing compared to the acute persecution suffered by the university's Baha'i caucus. So oppressive is their lot, it would seem, that a mere .25 percent can be found cowering anywhere near Coffman Memorial Union. Doubling their numbers are worshipers of Goldie the Gopher--that is, believers in "animism/shamanism."