I had to step back from this article and hearing Jeremy speak with his blog entry, before I could actually respond. I find my eyes filling up with tears as I type, and my neck muscles tighten. I feel sad, not in the sense of feeling sorry, more like heart-broken. If City Pages could contact Jeremy for myself through my e-mail, I would like to reach out to him with my touch. I am a Professional Massage Therapist working at a health club and also my own studio here in Minneapolis. One thing I believe in and follow is a very strict code of ethics with my practice. I do not and will not pass judgement on my clients. Confidentiality is given, as well as respect. Please pass this letter onto Jeremy, and if he chooses to recieve my gift of touch, I would appreciate City Pages to contact me via e-mail and I will forward my info for him to contact me. I believe Jeremy has so much more to offer, and with support from others like myself that reach out to him, it can be achieved. Thank you. Doug

I am a survivor of anorexia and my heart breaks for Jeremy. Please don't give up, sweetie! The world is better with you in it.

Jeramy,
I am not repulsed by you, just sad. Please consider going to the eating disorder clinic at Methodist Hosp. Two of my former drs have left the family practice clinic that I attend to work at the eating disorder clinic. Both are loving compassionate dr's who I know could help you. Also, please take Doug up on his generous offer of his gift of touch through massage. I wish I had something to offer you, but all I can do is wish you well. You are in my thoughts.
take care,
Susan

I found aspects of this piece upsetting, beyond Jeremy's condition. City Pages' romantization of his condition through the extensive "glamour" type photos feeds a sick narcissim which is part of the fuel of the illness for many. The "how to" pointers were also unnecessary and irresponsible, and they were written in a "how to" style. Finally, as the condition is life threatening, it is a cause for involuntary committal: if the illness warps his judgement and everyone around him can see he is incapable of taking care of himself, that is what should happen. If he goes Karen Carpenter route, I'd say City Pages can take liability, one which the health club wisely averted by telling him he was too thin to work out safely. Ending the piece by quoting his "considering" treatment shows me how sick City Pages is: tabloid exploitation of a condition; this guy needs to learn his life has meaning even if he's not a published author or center of attention- let him try helping others, doing something worthwhile w/his life and then he'll see leaving or being weak or ineffectually self-centered on his diet and body and hurting himself is not what he wants and a stupid choice. Shame on CIty pages for its treatment of this condition and person.

Jeremy

cI read the article and immediately could identify with myself because I too struggled with anorexia. It is a journey of healing from within. And you are right to say that 2 more pounds lost doesn't make you any happier. It is never enough. It is never enough exercising, eating less and less foods; the appearance in body and face will never be satisfied. There is a God who knows all of our stuff inside, who works with us, who will tell us who we are, understands it, loves us right there and then, will never turn away amidst the struggle, and that is Jesus Christ. He is the great healer. He does the impossible when we get to the point when we just can't anymore. So for me, Jeremy, that was the start of my journey, and it can be for you. Every day is a new day and to know I am not alone anymore in this, is a good thing. And neither are you because the Living God can be there for you too. Think about it, and please consider deeply to get outside help too. It took me many phone calls and hang ups to the clinic to say to myself "I don't want this anymore" and mean it. And then to know I found Grace and Hope through Jesus Christ made a big difference. I was 21 when it began for me, I am now 45 and recovering day by day. God Bless, Debbie

Jeremy thank you for allowing city pages to tell your story - you are not alone - please do not give up and know that you are the only one who feels the way you do. Continue to share yourself and love yourself as much as possible. It may not feel like it but life is a gift - your life - sometimes it's not so great being here in this world or in this body - but other times it's amazing - remember those times and choose to live for them - for yourself. You are worth it.

No offense Pat, we all have the right to our opinion, but I disagree. I think the pictures show the reality of what the disease can do to someone. It sounds to me like Jeremy's family HAS tried to help him and at some point decided he had to WANT the help. He has been through a lot in life and it sounds like he has a LOT of hurt. I pray that Jeremy finds hope and faith. That he figures out that it's only through him deciding to love himself and the desire to get better that will make it possible for anyone to help him. He is deciding to commit suicide - just slower. Jeremy, I understand pain, abuse, etc. - I understand numb, depression, hopelessness - it IS possible to feel better. Go somewhere where people are kind and know how to treat this disease and above all be honest and open about your pain and why it's there. You deserve a chance to be happy, to love yourself for who you are. thank you for sharing your story with us.

Hey this article helped me alooooooot. You guys have to understand that it one of the few articles out there on Male Eating diorders. Its monumental, i want to recommend the writer for the amazing task he has accomplished by shedding light on this isuue.

I also disagree with Pat,I have known Jeremy for almost 15 years, and until a few months ago I did not know about the eating disorder, when I ran into him after many years apart, I was shocked and (yes disgusted) with what he "let happen to him. I admonished him, I scolded him, and like a moron I told him to "eat a donut" and get over it!! He never got angry, he just lovingly tried to explain he couldn't help it, to which I ignorantly responded, "if you know what's wrong, you can help it." He never referred to my 5 4in frame and asked why I wasn't height weight proportionate, he did sorta leave quietly but he did keep calling me, and coming back, and I even had the nerve to tell him he was my worst nightmare, that i was so afraid my daughter would one day have an eating disorder, what an asshole I was!!! We still texted back and forth, and made plans we never kept, and spoke on the phone, and when I saw his pic on the cover of CP this am, I picked up the paper and headed back to my office, I didn't open it, because I was afraid the end of ther article would say he had died, so I texted him instead, mentioning I never knew he was 38!! (he is really 36, but it looks like 38 in the headline if you don't look close) he answered me back right away, I won't reveal the whole conversation, but one of the texts was, and I quote "I'm 36, bitch" I was overjoyed to know he was still alive, and still full of enough spirit to correct me in a way I knew it was him!!! Let me formally apologize to you Jeremy, and I KNOW you have a purpose here, for all the ignorant and stupid, moronic things i have said (or thought) about you since you revealed your illness to me. And thank you for being so brave, and thank you CP for putting this out there in whatever way you felt it would reach the most people,I know this is very good therapy for Jeremy, and I am SO PROUD of you sweetie for letting yourself be revealed, those of us who know anyhting about you know that it was a hard thing for you to do, and if it seems "glamourized" to some, well, baby, you are glamourous, you jus cain't hep it!!!! Love you too, and see you soon. Stacey L Holran

Jeremy: It's true; you are not alone. I belong to a group called OA HOW. It is for overeaters and undereaters--any of us who try, in one way or another to control food. The problem is, the food ends up controling us. You would be welcome at any HOW meeting and there are many throughout the Twin Cities. Go to: www.oahow.org. There is hope.

Thank you for bringing to light one of the least talked about aspects of eating disorders: Men suffer, too. I was on the other side of the equation, having eaten myself up over 350 pounds, but thankfully I found a way to live without hurting myself with food a day at a time. In the twelve years that I've been at a more or less "normal" weight, I've learned that anorexia and overeating are just different sides of the same coin. My heart goes out to Jeremy, and I want to thank him for having the courage to share his story publicly, that others might feel less alone.

Allen Zadoff, author of Hungry:Lessons Learned on the Journey from Fat to Thin

I have studied why people have the addictions that we do. I feel spiritually speaking, one indeed is not worse than another, but they are equal in showing an empty spot that got taken by the wrong entity. From my spiritual studies, I am convinced of a theory that "bad" for lack of a better word spirits from the spirit world above or below have the ability to force thier spirits into human bodies with a craving for whatever they were drawn to in earthly manifested things, whether it's gambling, smoking, over eating, drinking, drugs, laziness. Sex. etc.

In the case of anorexia and bullemia, I can imagine that these victims of the posession may sometimes wonder why they cannot stop. It is because they are "posessed" by a spirit who embodies the addiciton with those eartly desires, and I know bullemia then would be that spot we allow to be empty due to our past/lack of love/ lack of spirituality is left open to those spirits who desire earthly food, and will never get enough ever. Because they are essentially in "hell". Now in the case of anorexia, I think perhaps that is either a soul who is ever so dead on the other side, and causes the human body it inhabits to become and look like them as dead. Or, it could be the human fighting back against the badness of the bullemic in them, as in a war. When I looked upon my family members addictions, whatever they were, drugs, alcohol, gambling, caffine, soda, in which many of us just keep on drinking gallons of whatever is killing us slowly. Its not like one will satisfy us. Well, when I looked at us all as being unfortunately inhabited by a spirit, I found that if we accept it as common to occur, predicted in the bible, and its cure given. It made me have more compassion for my family instead of blaming them as a failure. Also, knowing its a spirit we are contending with, and knowing that we have been given the power as humans to overpower them if we try. It may just be something you find you CAN DO. Fight it with your words. Tell it verbally and loudly to leave you. In some ways you may be healthier than some of us with fat on us. Perhaps your lack of eating toxic foods may have kept toxins out of you that lie in our cells right now. You are an equal to all of us no matter what. I won't talk about my issues here. But I hope my insight helps you fight it off. Use metaphysics to fight that spirit and send it off to its higher purpose out of you. But for now, you have probably helped many with your story.

I agree with Michelle. I hope Jeremy can find counseling he can be comfortable with and learn to love himself, as even these strangers are willing to do. I also hope for him to find Gods healing grace and know that he is not alone... You are loved Jeremy! Don't give up or give in!!

Jeremy,
I hear and see the pain you are in and certainly have been, so much of your life. Given your early life circumstances, it makes sense that your life has taken such a path. Its a way to alleviate the severe emotional pain you have had for so many years.
I commend your bravery and your insight. I am sure many men and women will empathize and some may seek the help they need so much.
I dont have words of advice for you, but I do want to offer my acceptance, support and caring to you. If you care to chat, it is my wish that City Pages will give my email address to you.
Please try to allow yourself the gift of touch..as you have touched many, you deserve to be touched as well.

Anna

Jeremy, I am glad to see that you are still with us. I think of you and pray for you often. I think that by sharing your story here you will help a lot of people.

Jeremy,

This must have taken you a lot of courage. I don't know you, but I'm proud of you for allowing your life and struggles to be told in such a public way. I hope that you can find healing and will someday understand how beautiful you are.

Aaron

Judgements like Pat's make me so angry. Eating disorders, like any other addiction, are not about attention, per se, and they certainly are not glamorous. Recovery is an extremely personal decision and journey and telling someone to "eat a sandwich" or that "they look terrible" is probably the worst thing a friend could do. Save your judgement for yourself and simply lend a supportive hand and ear.
Please continue in your quest for health, Jeremy. I am rooting for you. People overcome this everyday, I did, and I know you can to.

I just wanted to write and say that I hope that Jeremy does not give up hope and that he finds a treatment that works for him. I know that I am not the only one who will be thinking of him and praying for his recovery. I am so sorry Jeremy that you had to endure the difficult experiences you went through as a child and your painful break up, but please know that there are caring people out there waiting to meet you! Don't give up on happiness yet! You are loved.

I'm in recovery from anorexia. The article talked about men dealing with body image too, and while that is definitely true, it's not the main issue, it's a cover for the really scary stuff no one wants to deal with. I realized something had happened to me as a kid that I didn't remember and the family stuff was weird too; I used to go to friends' houses too. Anyway, it's funny how whenever the scary stuff comes up, your head runs right back to weight loss. What I wanted to say is, I didn't find Methodist particularly helpful and I'm not alone. I went to Renfrew Florida (the one in the documentary) and unfortunately I don't know anywhere like that for men. But after hearing what Jeremy went through in the past, I know that Methodist is still way better. And if you're scared of inpatient, the Emily Program is really good. Also, any 12-step program can help because that's what the treatment at Renfrew was based on. I was so glad to see an article on male eating disorders, I don't care if the pictures were glamorous, the important thing is for people to know this is going on, and for normal people, they are certainly not triggering! I want to say it's amazing how brave you are, and I wouldn't be surprised if God keeps you around for awhile, since you're doing something really worthwhile.

Thank you to all of you for your kind, supportive words. I also want to give a special thank you to Kevin Hoffman, the writer of my story and the Editor in Chief of City Pages. He ventured to go where not many have gone before. His extraordinary skills and abilities along with his empathy has shed some light onto an affliction that thrives in darkness.

Jeremy

Jeremy,
I was a friend of yours a while ago. We went out together and I even came to your workplace to have lunch with you. I don't know what to say, except that I want you to live. I have had my own hardships and have come to realize how precious life is. I hope that you will contact me and that I can help in some way.
Nick

My heart aches for Jeremy. I'm wondering how Jeremy supports himself. Is he working, able to carry out basic daily routines? He's a strong man to share his story. May he get the help he needs.

It's so wonderful that Jeremy can still get a new lease on life, the old lease he has can be destroyed and he get get a brand new lease. He can come just as he is, he doesn't have to change one thing about hiself. All he needs to do is just ask for God's help - Jesus and go to him. Jesus said come as you are and I will cast no one aside that comes to me. He is a perfect patient for God. God wants those like Jeremy that need a physican and not those that think they are already whole. His life can and will be a beautiful one. I know.

Your recent story about Jeremy left me wondering why I bother picking up your paper anymore.

Sure, he has a problem, but please don't call it a disease. How anyone could allow themselves to look like he does and/or starve his body is sick. He is an extreme example of someone who needs a good kick of reality.

At least he was anyway. By the time this is posted on the web, he will probably already be dead and the sun will still rise and we will still read your paper next week.

Jeremy-

Although we have never met, I feel like I know you. Perhaps it’s the similarities we have like obsessive compulsive behaviors. In fact, since I read your story I literally haven't been able to get you off my mind. The pain that shows in your eyes from a cold and unfair world is raw and heartbreaking. The images captured of you play over and over in my mind. I too have had many hurts and disappointments in life. I am a middle age man that struggles with body image and I also find the gym quite addictive. Especially spinning. Love spinning. I don't believe there is a complete "cure" for those of us with addictive habits. People talk about restoration sometimes but that implies there is something of value underneath. It's hard to see value when life has become so unmanageable. I have however found hope, acceptance, and best of all unconditional love. This has resulted in transformation for me and an understanding of my purpose for being here. I like the word transformation as it best describes a new me that is healthier and whole. I have also seen the same transformation in many others. The place I have found is filled with broken people whose lives and bodies have become ravaged by variety of compulsive habits. We definitely are a colorful bunch. These people are the most genuine, loving, and non-judgmental that I have ever met. I never thought such a place existed and I never dreamed it could be found in a church of all places. Non-judgmental people in a church? Please. Together we are learning how to do life even after many of us had concluded that death would be the only way to finally get some relief. It sounds like you may have come to the same conclusion about death but I believe I can still see a glimmer of life in your wonderful eyes. A glimmer that is still searching for hope. Before you leave this earth I challenge you to experience this hope, acceptance, and unconditional love that is available for you too. There are new guests at every weekly meeting and I would love for you to come as my guest. Our group is called Quest180 and there is more information available @ Quest180.com.

A fellow spinner,
Mike

Hello,
I thought this was a kick-ass piece. I'm a gay guy and had an eating disorder all through undergrad and have -- like many -- still struggle with appearance & eating issues.

I am curious if Jeremy still has his blog, because it seems like a great outlet in trying to get through this complex illness. If so, can someone post a link? In any case, since the intention of the blog as stated in the article was to make connections with other males with eating disorders, I would love to extend a hand as a connection. I can't post my email here, but I imagine it is accessible through the CityPages and I give permission for whatever needs to happen to get to to Jeremy.

All the best. Recovery is possible, and worthwhile.

Sam

jeremy,from someone who has chronic physical pain in feet and neck.alogside physical and mental pain are misconceptions that come from everyone.everyone has a quick cure, it seems,no offense to those who try to help including my momma. i am someone whose doc allows me to suffer needlessly but despite him and peoples comments and cruelty and misunderstandings,i still try to survive,please hang in there try so hard to be stronger and have faith in a better day.the pain in my feet leads me to physically not want to stand and walk.which leads to me unable to simply get the food i need to survive, but i know that i must not be so hard on myself and neither should you.everyone has the right to be happy no matter what.it's a stuggle for me to simply stand and walk and i know that i can't be alone,right?it's so hard to simply stand on my feet without the physical pain that i sometimes won't. But i know i must eat to survive.please,if no one will be good to you, be goood to yourself.everyone has a reason to be on this earth otherwise they wouldn't be here in the first place.for those in any kind of pain,take it a day at a time(even if only baby steps) and have faith in that we were allowed to be here for a reason.it seems,many people don't realize that mental pain is just as real as physical.i hope i helped.only want you to know that i feel alone with my pain too.but i think i am not, right.wish we could talk,jer. thanks. i too, am trying so hard to be brave.

jeremy, we talked on the phone the other day, you had just went into the hospital. i think of you alot and pray that you will get better over time. i have bulimia. i've been dealing with this for nine years. i havent been able to work for over two years. i pray that you will find peace and happiness again. talk soon.

donnie

I'm right with you. I've had an ed for.......17 years. The years just keep ticking by and nothing changes. I've sought help, but even in a place supposedly 'designed' to help sufferers it seems like I spend most of the day explaining and little time receiving any kind of 'treatment'.
It's discouraging, to say the least.
But I suppose everyone has their struggles in life, right? There's nothing to do but keep some kind of faith that one day it won't feel this way. One day someone might understand.
You are not alone.
Peace.