I -- this is not a joke -- gagged even reading the words "Gene Simmons Sex Tape."

"I couldn't bring myself to watch it," my buddy Casey was saying over Instant Messenger, shipping me the URL. "You need to do this. I need to know."

I'm curious, I admitted. I was also revolted. The power of procrastination combined with the power of suggestion, though, and I decided I had to do this. For Casey. For you. For America.

For SCIENCE!

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The popular, link-laden liberal politics blog Norwegianity is shuttering its virtual doors soon. Prolific lefty firebrand Mark Gisleson is burned out, and he's announced that "at soon as Obama conclusively wraps up the nomination," he's done. But he's left a few sparkling prose examples.

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DAILY DISH: WHAT'S NEW AROUND THE SITE

Sarah Askari's latest notes column asks if Prince is getting hip replacement surgery. Maybe we should ask Steven Terrie-Gates:

Rachel Hutton reports that the Pinkberry frozen yogurt franchise is not available to Minnesota residents. Reviews of the frozen fake ice cream are mixed, but my favorite commenter's review goes like this: "It takes like baking soda mixed with crushed ice."

Kevin Hoffman writes about Abby and Brittany Hensel, conjoined twins.

The VP Pawlenty Meter isn't quite at the red line, but it takes a dip.

The secret service allegedly stopped screening for weapons at an Obama rally. That's ... unsettling. Also, they're not Free Speech Zones, they're just zones.

The Not Invited Tournament beckons for the Gophers.

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Will Governor Tim Pawlenty become our nation's next vice president? It's hard to keep track of all the many factors at play. Each week, the VP Pawlenty Meter (TM) provides an odds sheet to ensure you make your best bet. We use a 20 point scoring range, with +10 being T-Paw sworn in, and -10 being T-Paw found with a dead girl or a live boy.

Last week, T-Paw was large and in charge, having been crowned a potential VP by the politically influential site, "The Fix," while McCain managed to weather the New York Times' poorly-sourced mistress allegations to emerge stronger (and more virile!) than ever. Carrying a +3 into this week, the Gov couldn't help but be confident ... but will that be his undoing?

-- Dissed in Wall Street Journal as "too liberal" to be McCain's VP (-3)
-- Pawlenty appears on "Fox News Sunday" and "Late Edition" to give McCain props (+1)
-- T-Paw denies he's interested in being VP ... while grinning like a schoolboy. (0)
-- Vetoes $6.6 billion transportation bill, burnishing image as a fiscal conservative (+2)
-- But House and Senate vote to override veto, handing him a stinging defeat (-2)
-- Molnau ousted (-2)

Current score: -1

I still remember the day I walked in on my wife staring raptly at the TV screen. I followed her gaze and was stunned to see a girl who appeared to have two heads. In fact, it was conjoined twins Abby and Brittany Hensel, two of the most remarkable people in Minnesota.

I was reminded of this today as I flipped through the new issue of Newsweek and saw a picture of the Hensel twins in a swimming pool. They were mentioned at the tail end of an article called Reality's Believe It or Not. Here's the part of the article concerning the Hensel twins:

You hear a lot of mixed emotions from the stars of these shows—none of whom, by the way, is paid to appear. Abby and Brittany Hensel allowed the world to watch them take their driving test, even while the conjoined twins—they have two heads but one set of arms and legs—decided who would control the gas (Abby) or the blinker (Brittany). "Abby and Brittany Turn 16" is handled with great care, the girls are given plenty of time to talk about their anatomy in nonsensational ways. They explain that they made the film "so people wouldn't have to always stare and take pictures. Cause we don't like it when they take pictures … so they just know who we are and stuff." But as the film progresses, you see that any time the twins leave their Minnesota town, people blatantly photograph them, leaving the girls feeling "violated," according to their mother, Patty. She gets teary in the documentary when she explains how she doesn't want her girls to grow up like circus performers, and she hasn't let the girls speak to the media since the movie debuted two years ago. Watch the movie now—it's still in heavy rotation on the Discovery Health network—and you can see why they'd shun the spotlight. It's hard to shake the creepy, voyeuristic feeling you get when you watch the girls make pottery or brush each other's hair. The narrator explains that they are, "in nearly every sense, perfectly normal teenagers." But we know we're watching precisely because they're not.

YouTube embed of "Joined for Life: Abby and Brittany Hensel turn 16" after the jump ...

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DAILY DISH: WHAT'S NEW AROUND THE SITE

To go along with the Sia review from Tuesday, we have some excellent photos by Tony Nelson, including one nearly-naked shot. Of course, the nearly naked shot is of Sean Tillman. We give the people what they want.

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Just received this press release:

Blustery Cold Ahead of Clipper

State College, Pa. -- February 27, 2008 -- AccuWeather.com reports an Alberta Clipper diving out of western Canada tonight will spread moderate snow across the northern Plains and the Midwest before reaching the East late on Friday.

Cold air and gusty winds will spread across the Plains and Midwest today before the clipper dives out of western Canada tonight. The AccuWeather.com Winter Weather Center reports that the winds today will spark an outbreak of lake effect snow to the lee of the Great Lakes.

Some areas on the Upper Peninsula of Michigan and to the lee of Lake Michigan could receive up to 6 inches of snow today. Consult the Severe Weather Center for storm-related watches and warnings in effect today.

The clipper is expected to spread moderate amounts of snow from the western Plains to the lower Great Lakes. With little moisture available to the system, most areas will receive 1 to 3 inches as the Clipper reaches the Great Lakes by late Thursday and early Friday.

When I die, this is pretty much how I want the AP to break the news:

His assistant Linda Bridges says Buckley died Wednesday morning at his home in Stamford, Conn. She says he had been ill with emphysema and was found dead by his cook.

My assistant explaining that I was discovered by my cook. That sounds ducky. In case you're wondering, here's a bit more about the legendary friend to the rich.

DAILY DISH: WHAT'S NEW AROUND THE SITE

Timberwolves fans, Jonathan Kaminsky has the definitive profile on Al Jefferson, the man traded for Kevin Garnett. If you don't normally view the accompanying photo galleries, I strongly suggest you check this one out, since it has notes, quotes and details not found in the story. We've selected three videos as well, and while Al might find the third one embarrassing, we think it's charming.

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We present to you Al Jefferson, You Tube Star. First, here's a primer on Al Jefferson's variety of offensive moves, from the ball fake to the head fake to the quick step toward the hoop to the soft jumper to the, well, you get the picture. The second half of the video, which deals with Randy Foye, is strictly extra credit.

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