MC Rove Will Be in Da House Tomorrow

In a move that has baffled everyone from bloggers to the Star Tribune editorial board, the Republican Party has selected a soulless, Machiavellian huckster to deliver the keynote speech at the state GOP convention in Rochester tomorrow.

What would possess a party comprised of intellectually crippled closet-perverts to select Karl Rove remains unclear at this point, though many have speculated that the Party’s shadowy culture of backroom dealing and raging cronyism may have had a hand in the selection. Or maybe it’s Rove’s ability to cut a rug that so entices the party faithful. Dude's considered something of a rock star amongst bullshit peddlers.

At any rate, observers had expected the Party to go its usually route in putting forth a handsome, poised orator (maybe an actor), thus keeping ghouls like Rove safely out of the limelight. (It’s a technique that’s been employed with great success beyond mere speeches— in 1980, the Central Intelligence Agency used it to take control of the executive branch.)

Ron Paul was not invited to the convention for fear his presence would sully the GOP’s good name.

Ah, hell, one more time: