9/26 Morning Must Reads

Friday's five most interesting stories printed on wood pulp.

Newest money saver idea: defend yourself
A fired Met Council employee couldn't find someone who would fight the all-mighty and "totally evil" Met Council, so she decided to do it alone. And it worked! According to the Star Tribune: "the civil complaint she filed alleges unequal treatment and numerous crude behaviors among her former co-workers. She alleges she was told she was fired for moving a security camera away from a women's restroom, interfering with an investigation, and being insubordinate and disruptive." She won a reward of $150,000.

Pawlenty seeks fame abroad
We're still convinced Gov. Tim Pawlenty is a little sour after Sen. John McCain dumped him for such a qualified woman. So now he is looking to Europe to stroke his ego. The Guv has a five-day trip to Spain and Britain next week to promote trade, renewable energy and economic cooperation, his office announced Thursday. We're sure he will love the newfound attention after being left behind by the United States and will take full advantage of the situation by begging Europeans to buy our stuff and save our economy.

Star Tribune provides free Target advertisement
We can't seem to find a link on the Star Tribune site to prove how ridiculous this is, but maybe it wouldn't kill you to pick up a real paper for once and turn to B3. The page features a giant photo of Bullseye the Target dog during his "press conference" of sorts to celebrate Target's continuing takeover of Minneapolis as the Hollidazzle sponsor. They must be too embarrassed to show it off on their site and figure no one reads the print edition anyways. Slow local news day, huh?

Minnesotan probed for stealing from children, elderly and the disabled
What a great group of residents to rip off, right? "Federal officials are investigating a Minnesota Department of Human Services worker suspected of embezzling nearly $1 million from a health care fund, sources," the Pioneer Press reports. The employee used the money for personal purchases from the Medical Assistance program. The program is mostly funded with state money and if the employee is convicted of the fraud, it could be the largest in state history. Talk about being busted. Like we say to other criminals, run for it, man. There's nothing to lose.

Breast milk ice cream? Count me in
This isn't exactly a local piece, but we couldn't resist and Minnesotans love ice cream more than the normal city. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is pleading with Ben and Jerry's Homemade Ice Cream to switch to breast milk to produce their product. Why, you ask? "It would reduce the suffering of cows and give ice cream lovers a healthier product." Gross. We feel like we are reading the Onion. And the company politely refrained from calling PETA absolutely insane: "We applaud PETA's novel approach to bringing attention to an issue, but we believe a mother's milk is best used for her child," company spokesman Sean Greenwood said in an e-mail.