Medical marijuana back on agenda

Medical marijuana is back on the table this year.

The bill would allow ill people to purchase no more than 2.5 ounces of pot from state-regulated, non-profit herb dispensers. Assuming they have a prescription, of course.

Of the bill's five co-authors, two are Republicans (take a bow, Geoff Michel and Debbie Johnson). As was the case last time, a critical special interest will need to be overcome for the bill to achieve success.

Comprised chiefly of obdurate law-and-order types, anti-science yokels, and perpetually nervous Caucasians, Minnesota's little-known-but-highly-influential Fucktard Coalition lobbied hard against the bill last year and will likely do the same this go 'round.

An alliance of law enforcement associations last year sent emails to up-for-reelection legislators warning them that, "our political action committees will be taking this into account when [the Fucktard Coalition] deliver[s] our endorsements next election."

When asked for comment, key members of the MFC displayed a chimp-like inability to grapple with basic concepts of logic and reason, a perversity that was almost charming in its sincerity.

"Our immediate concern is that marijuana is an illicit and dangerous narcotic drug," William Gillespie, executive director of the Minnesota Police and Peace Officers Association tried to explain to us at the time. "We [short-sighted fucktards] don't think you should give it to well people, let alone sick people."

Just as he did last year, Gov. Pawlenty has vowed to veto the bill if the MFC comes out against it. Regardless of the bill's fate, medical morphine will remain legal.