Lake Wobegon murders, Onion style
The Onion decided to riff off of Garrison Keillor's epic Lake Wobegon stories and make all of the Minnesota Lutherans look a little nuts. We don't blame them for thinking those rural Lutherans are a little off. Lutefisk is pretty foul.
In their fake news report, The Onion tells the story of the Lake Wobegon murderer, who has killed and mutilated 57 residents and thrown them in the lake. And many of the town folks have better things on their mind.
LAKE WOBEGON, MN--Though local residents insist it has been a quiet week in Lake Wobegon, MN, their hometown out on the edge of the prairie, state police officials descended on the small community Tuesday when another 24 corpses surfaced along its placid waterfront.Read the full story here.
In the last year, the viciously mutilated bodies of 57 Lake Wobegon citizens have been found in the lake. Nine of those discovered were members of the town's floundering baseball team, the Whippets, whose severed throwing arms were never discovered.
"The Wobegon Killer typically stalks his victims in the dead of night, murders them, and discards their hacked-up bodies in the water," Minnesota State Police chief Ron Taggard said. "We believe this same individual may also be responsible for the bombing of Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility Church in July; brutally maiming local waitress Darlene with a meat cleaver; and force-feeding lutefisk to the owner of Ralph's Pretty Good Grocery, Ralph, until his stomach burst."
Added Taggard, "We're dealing with a madman here."