'Marcus Bachmann' speaks out on glitter baptism, gay barbarians

Dan Feidt

"Marcus Bachman" comes to Jesus.

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He was happy to explain what happened to us.

"Some very troubled, troubled individuals who are suffering and afflicted came down and just showed their perversion, really, out in front of my clinic where we practice good solid Christian-based psychotherapy," he said, with a sigh. "It's just part of this mainstream media campaign to smear us as crazy. I just don't think it's gonna work."

The staff at Bachmann and Associates wouldn't let the barbarians into the clinic but "Marcus" decided to bravely confront the barbarians because they needed "discipline."

"I went out to try and quell this barbarian horde to give them the stern discipline and direction they needed," "Bachmann" explains. "Sometimes the spirit of the Lord moves you, and it just moved me in the direction of coming to these people and showing them the error of their ways."

Things didn't exactly unfold according to plan, however. Bachmann wound up on his knees, begging for glitter, and dancing to Lady Gaga.

Dan Feidt

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Of course, "Marcus Bachmann" isn't the real Marcus Bachmann, and he's probably happy about that.

Bachmann was played by Carl Atiya Swanson, a local actor with Savage Umbrella who recently performed in a Twin Cities play about "reparative therapy."

"I think [Marcus] and Michele sort of exemplify a great tragedy in the American ethos, which is that they believe in freedom but only in the ways they want to be free," he says. "That's my main problem with their politics.

"It extends, obviously, to Marcus specifically for his use of 'reparative' and ex-gay therapy, which is a farce that ends in tragedy," Swanson adds.

Nick Espinosa, the event organizer, echoes his actor about today's protest.

"It was a response to Marcus and Michele Bach's continual dodging of questions relating to the therapy that's happening at their clinic," he said. "Until they stop stonewalling and come clean with the American people about what's happening at that clinic they can continue to expect people to keep standing up against what they're doing."

Until that day comes, however, we can still enjoy "Marcus" getting baptized and glitter bombed, all at once.

Dan Feidt

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