Herman Cain's Metrodome moment

Categories: Politics
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Wikipedia
Herman Cain: This is the Metrodome!
Herman Cain is suddenly, remarkably ascendant in the Republican Party. That the Godfather's Pizza guy has shot to the top of the pop charts may say more about his competition -- including Michele, our belle -- than about Cain's own viability as the guy with the nuclear codes. But for now, Cain is still forcing America to consider the image of a liberal black president answering the door of the White House, only to find a conservative black pizza delivery guy who's got a large order of pepperoni, mushrooms, and tax cuts for the wealthy.

So! While we've got Cain on the brain, let's do a bit of learning. For example, Cain spent some time around these very parts when he was a big muckety-muck executive at Pillsbury Company.

In fact, one of the defining moments of Herman Cain, as told in Cain's new campaign book, happened right here in our fair city. It turns out, as Minneapolis was watching the Metrodome's original collapse in 1981, Herman Cain was thinking about something much more important: Herman Cain!


(It should be pointed out that City Pages is pretty much obligated to use surprising punctuation after Herman Cain's! name, because the man is so exciting and weird that you just feel like mixing it up. Herman Cain?)

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Last year's collapse of the Metrodome was God's endorsement of Herman Cain.

Cain's remarkable moment of vanity, as highlighted by New York Times columnist Gail Collins on Saturday, deserves to be pushed further into the American consciousness, until voters look at Herman Cain and wonder, "Wait, is that the guy who thought he was the Metrodome?"

Here, via Cain's amazing new autobiography, "This is Herman Cain!" (subtitle: And Other Useless Exclamations!) is the relevant passage in its entirety:

"After the headquarters project turned out successfully, I was once again bored. Life was good -- Gloria and I were healthy; we now had a daughter and a son; we lived in a nice home; we had even started taking vacations, which we had never done much earlier in my career. I was even singing in the church choir and recording with a Minneapolis gospel singing group. But my motivation had collapsed.

I was sitting in my new office on the thirty-first floor of the World Headquarters one day when I looked out the window and saw that the inflatable dome of the new Minneapolis stadium had collapsed.

Oh, hey! Teacher, I know this one! The Metrodome collapse was a symbol of urban blight, a failed monument to public spending -- a lesson in flawed structure. Something like that, right Herman?

I realized, as I sat there, staring out the window, that what had kept me happy and motivated was the excitement, challenge, and risk of the past few years.

Oh. So instead, the 1981 collapse of the Metrodome was actually about how Herman Cain had gotten bored with biscuits, and needed to move on to his life's work: Pizza... and, when he gets around to it, saving America from its own liberal tendencies. And, of course, Muslims.

Cain's book doesn't include a passage about the most recent spectacular collapse of the Metrodome, but we can assume that that, too, was about Herman Cain. Also about Herman Cain was the I-35W bridge collapse, the fall 2010 flooding of St. Paul, and the astonishing meltdown of the Minnesota Vikings' 1998 season. 

Herman Cain is the Metrodome, and he feels the Metrodome's fate in a way you cannot imagine. Whatever happens to that hideous, decades-outdated piece of cement, happens deep inside Herman Cain -- who wants you to think, whenever you cast your eyes upon the Metrodome, "This is Herman Cain!"

In a related note, Herman Cain lost to the Chicago Bears 39-10 last night.

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19 comments
Big Al
Big Al

This article is a perfect example of the lame political analysis at City Pages.  Stick to advertising music venues, you do a good job of that.

Mike
Mike

Mr Mullen:

Why don't you just say that President Obama is the greatest and that anyone who questions him is either evil or dumb.  I guess Mr. Cain should have been in tears about the Metrodome collapse.  If you like the football anology so much why not compare Mr. Obama to a coach who has had three failed seasons and is asking for a four year contract extension!

Michelle Bachmann
Michelle Bachmann

All that goes without saying.  After all Obama had Bin Laden shot in the eye.  He also passed healthcare reform.   He saved the American Auto Industry.  He ended the Iraq War.  He ended Don't Ask Don't Tell.   All this only took him 4 years.   What have you done with your life mike?    I assume you are a John McCain/Sarah Palin supporter?   What have those two geniuses done in the past 4 years?    I'll make a list 1) Starred in a reality show.  2)  Made a bunch of money off of their fame.   3)  Got their daughter on Dancing With the Stars.  4)  Got their daughter a job as a political blogger  5)   ummmmmmm

vitajex
vitajex

Wait, I thought his name was 'Herb'?...

#thingsoverheardinWasilla

Sparky
Sparky

Depending how you want to read the margin of error, last weekends Rasmussen Poll has Cain polling from 3-13 points higher than BHO.

Guy
Guy

You can just say "Barack Obama." Including "Hussein" only serves one purpose, to vilify through xenophobic fear-mongering. You guys really need to get better at hiding your bigotry.

Michelle Bachmann
Michelle Bachmann

They aren't even trying to hide it anymore.    Remember the name of Rick Perry's hunting camp?   When Herman Cain expressed the opinion that to hunt at a place called N****rhead shows poor judgement and is offensive the Republicans got way more mad at him than they did at Rick Perry.   Since Herman Cain is a coward who takes his orders from the extremist racist wing of the Republican Party(Rush Limbaugh) he immediately changed his tune on Rick Perry's hunting camp.    A coward like Herman Cain should stick to making pizza, we don't need a President who will check with Rush Limbaugh if its ok to shoot Bin Laden in the eye.   We need a real man like Barack Obama who just gets it done. 

Kirk the Conservative Jerk
Kirk the Conservative Jerk

Are these the same "Racists" that now are part of the occupy wall street movement?

Or did you not hear?

Oh yes, the American Nazi Party is now there showing their support for occupy wall street.Also, the Communist Party USA is showing their full support of the occupy wall street movement.You would need a whole network of pollsters to figure how many Jew hatting anti-Semites are at these events.  Audio and video clips of the protestors, would suggest its many.

Common goals, common beliefs, and the same intended outcome.

Your friends and alliances are great.  PMB, are you also gonna sit down with the devil and feast upon baby fetus tonight?Friends and alliances...

Michelle Bachmann
Michelle Bachmann

You should totally nominate the insane con artist pizza man then.  I'm sure America will gladly vote for the Republican who promises to raise their taxes so he can give rich people a tax cut.  

Johnny
Johnny

"Barack Obama forgets that he is President, constantly channels Jimmy Carter"

OZ
OZ

The only bigger joke than Herman Cain running for president is this article...

Michelle Bachmann
Michelle Bachmann

If Herman Cain is so motivated by excitement, challenge, and risk how come he let others fight for Civil Rights when he was in college in Atlanta during the height of the Civil Rights movement?   Just shows what kind of leader Herman Cain is, when people are fighting for his basic human rights he is no where to be found.  

Kirk the Conservative Jerk
Kirk the Conservative Jerk

Maybe he was a self loathing democrat back then.   And like MOST other democrats back then, they could have cared less about a negro.  Or maybe he was a Republician, and just being a Republican, would put a person on the right side of the civil rights issue.

Hey PMB, do you propose the same questions of people like Bill Clinton or Barack Obama?  Barack Obama was born right in the middle of the Democrats massive of opposition of the civil rights movement.  Do you think Barack Obama's privileged WHITE grand parents brought him to any civil rights movement?  We all KNOW where Bill Clinton was.

Michelle Bachmann
Michelle Bachmann

Herman Cain was in college from 1963-1967 in Atlanta,GA.   College age people often make up a big chunk of people in protest movements.   Just go take a look at the Occupy Wall Street movement or any movement that isn't paid for by the Koch Brothers.    Most people would agree this would be at the height of the Civil Rights movement and Atlanta would be ground zero.   Herman Cain did not participate because he is a coward and selfish.   Obviously he is unfit to be President.    Barack Obama was of course 2 years old in 1963 hence only a crazy idiot would ask why he didn't participate in the Civil Rights movement.   Obama was also living in Hawaii at the time.   So nice try but big surprise you are either stupid or lying.   The most dishonest thing about you is how you bring up Southern Democrats to lie about the modern Democrats being racist.   As everyone knows the southern Democrats were indeed very racist, that's why they all became Republicans when Nixon put his Southern Strategy in place.    The only current Congressman that actually marched with Martin Luther King is Rep. John Lewis. John Lewis was known as one of the "big six" Civil Rights leaders.     He is a proud Liberal and Democrat who pretty much proves everything you say is a lie.   Of course further proof of this is when the Tea Party members spit on  John Lewis and called him the N-word for daring to think differently about politics.   No Republican condemned this treatment of a Civil Rights hero.   Of course you don't know this because you are an idiot who gets all his news from Glen Beck and Fox News.  But if you are interested in the truth you can youtube and see how the tea party treats Civil Rights heroes.   

Michelle Bachmann
Michelle Bachmann

Notice you are fine with the Tea Party shouting the N word at a Civil Rights hero.   No wonder you are so up to date on what the Nazis are doing.  

Kirk the Conservative Jerk
Kirk the Conservative Jerk

Watch this people!

PMB says; "The most dishonest thing about you is how you bring up Southern Democrats to lie about the modern Democrats being racist". 

No, not "Southern Democrats",  ALMOST ALL 1960's DEMOCRATS opposed the civil rights movement.  New York Democrats, Illinois Democrats, and yes EVEN MINNESOTA DEMOCRATS.

See the spin people?See how the man, that tucks his dick between his legs, and portrays a woman, TRIES SOOOOOO HARD to deceive you? 

And by the way, no one spit on anyone.  That is another lie you have bought into.  Charges WOULD have been filed, but they were not. The cops were escorting the congress men.   Or maybe the cops, that were escorting these congress men and women, are part of the American NAZI Party ,that is NOW PART of the occupy wall street movement.

It doesn't take much to hypnotize you does it?   shawn penn says it; well, it must be true.

E K
E K

Nice stretch.  Are you going to pick on this guy all the time now instead of that Bachmann lady?

Brennan Mogck
Brennan Mogck

Hmm...  I don't like Herman Cain.  But this is just dumb.  What parallel are you trying to create?  If you want to make an effective argument against Herman Cain, you would be better served focusing on his shortsighted policies; not... uh...  personification of MN architectural disasters.

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