University of Minnesota students not as good at sex as they used to be

Maybe you shouldn't have sex in this place, and with these people.

​The University of Minnesota has taken a dramatic drop in sex practices from last year, according to a national study on student sexual health. All of those people who graduated last spring may take a moment to pat themselves on the back.

And you incoming freshmen? Maybe you should consider taking a shower. No, not all at once, you perverts!

The findings, released in the annual Trojan Sexual Health Report Card, shows the U falling from 10th in healthy sex practices all the way down to 68th.

The report, which judges schools on 13 different categories including access to condoms and birth control pills, and student sentiments about the on-campus health center, offers a pretty stark truth: If you want to have a wild night, you'd be better off getting down at the University of Iowa.

Columbia University is, for the second year running, the safest-sexiest school in the country. Columbia's followed by the main campus for the University of Illinois. Then come a couple of Ivies, Princeton and Brown, and Oregon State University rounds out the top five. In our neck of the woods, Iowa does best, coming through with a No. 9 ranking, and the University of Wisconsin is at No. 11.

This, U of M students, is what a condom looks like.

​Last year, Iowa was sixth-healthiest, and the U wasn't far behind. Now, either something good has happened at a lot of other schools, or something bad is going on at the U. Researcher Bert Sperling, whose Sperling's Best Places puts together the report for Trojan, told the Daily that the U dropped because of issues with its website.

For example, Sperling said, it's not easy for students to figure out where to go or what to do after a sexual assault.

But Sperling also pointed a finger at the Daily itself, citing the fact that the paper doesn't have a sex column.

"The only thing is," Sperling said, "there isn't any column on the school newspaper or whatever that provides sexual health information or discusses sexual health issues."

Apparently, Sperling doesn't know that Minneapolis doesn't always respond well to sex columns.

The U pushed back pretty hard about its falling grade, with Daniel LeVasseur of the Sexual Health and Disease Education explaining that the school provides free sex education, free condoms, and free HIV testing for students. LeVasseur said the Trojan report seemed more like marketing than science, and shouldn't be taken too seriously.

"The report," she said, "is not of high importance to us due to our random placement throughout the years."

Well, in any event, for those of you who were thinking about hopping into bed with an undergrad this weekend, be our guest. Just don't be surprised if you find yourself answering a few uncomfortable questions, and maybe drawing a few diagrams of the human anatomy.