Kim Kardashian divorced Kris Humphries over... Minnesota?
|Kim Kardashian, Kris Humphries: Divorced because of Minnesota?|
As the ink dries on the divorce papers, and Americans attempt to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives, everyone's speculating on just what it was that made these two grow "irreconcilable differences" between late August and Halloween.
At the moment, the leading theory is... it's our fault. You see, Minnesota, Kris Humphries likes living here, and wanted to bring Kim back and make her our princess.
But Kim pretty much hates it here. Depending on who you ask, this might be the greatest endorsement the state of Minnesota has gotten in years.
Kim already made it clear she didn't think much of our state, which she referred to as "Yeehaw Minnesota,"; she imagined this land to be populated only by cowboys and... their cows. But this revelation that the Land of 10,000 Lakes may have driven an impassable wedge between these star-crossed lovers is a new low in Minnesota hatred.
|Kim Kardashian doesn't care for Minnesota, which doesn't care right back.|
"How," Kim asks, "am I going to have my career and live in Minnesota?"
Reached for comment, Minnesota said, "Oh my God, this is terrible! Wait...she has a career?"
As usual, Kris had a comeback for Kim, which People has duly made note of for posterity.
"Baby, by the time you have kids and they're in school, no one will care about you," Humphries said.
The "blame Minnesota theory" has been picked up, in part, by TMZ.com, which has been writing a constant stream of "leaked" "information" about the death of American romance. But TMZ also writes that Kim's disdain for Minnesota was less of a factor than Kris' love of the spotlight.
Kim's "friends" (publicist) told TMZ that Kris wanted to live the Hollywood life, and was all about "chasing fame," reporting that he hired an L.A. publicist over the weekend to work on his image after the divorce. Meanwhile, US Weekly...
Okay, now we're bored. Anyway, you get the point. America is crying into its Halloween candy, and cursing Minnesota this morning.
We regret nothing.