Almost everyone in Minneapolis is wearing their seatbelts

For some reason, this guy wants to live another day. What a loser, right?

​Seatbelts are pretty much the only thing that's ever been proven to do any good. These days, not wearing your seatbelt isn't even comparable to smoking cigarettes -- it's more like smoking cigarettes and lighting them each time by leaning your big stupid head into a campfire.

Minneapolis is in sort of a tight spot on the seatbelt issue. The hipster side of us wants to be aloof, and rely on our mustaches and ironic belt-buckle to save us. But we're also fit, and will probably age well. Plus, people, like, totally like us, so we have a lot to live for.

It seems that our practical side is winning out over our devil-may-care attitude: These days, about 94 percent of Minneapolis drivers and passengers are wearing their seatbelts, according to a new study form the Minneapolis Police Department.

The other 6 percent of Minneapolis, the people without seatbelts, have a wider range of mobility, and can do all sorts of interesting things while riding in cars. Like, say, dying a violent death.

Even people without faces wear seatbelts.

​The numbers are a slight bump from last year's 92 percent figure, and also put Minneapolis just ahead of the state as a whole, which buckles up at a rate of about 92.7 percent. (If you consider that Minneapolis has lots of Minnesota's people, that likely means the outlying areas -- "real Minnesota," if you will -- are actually pretty far behind the city.)

City and University of Minnesota cops carried out a crackdown on belt-usage form October 14 to October 27. During the sweep, they issued a combined 419 citations for lack of seatbelts, and four more for improper child restraint. According to the accompanying press release from Minneapolis Police, kids should still be in a booster seat until they are eight years old or 4-foot-9, whichever comes first.

And, though the police don't point this out, it's important to remember that the safest thing to do with kids is just leave them at home.

In Hennepin County, 34 road deaths over the last three years have been blamed on a person's not wearing a seatbelt. In the state, the number is enormous: Over just three years, 409 unbelted Minnesota motorists have been killed in auto accidents.

Come on, people. We're getting close to 100 percent on this. Maybe the 94 percent of us should teach the other 6 percent a quick lesson by slamming on the brakes and ramming their heads into the dashboard.