Michele Bachmann's daughters await gentleman callers

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The Bachmann Bachelor, coming this Fall to ABC
It may be your nightmare to imagine Michele Bachmann as President of the United States, but there may be an even worse title to call her: Mom.

During a recent appearance on Sean Hannity, Bachmann revealed that her daughters are not allowed to call boys to ask them out, and must instead wait for a gentleman caller to ask for a date.

Take that, Sadie Hawkins!

Here's the portion of the interview in which Bachmann reveals the sad life of her little suffragettes:

BACHMANN: Well, in my time, girls didn't ask boys to prom. If you didn't get asked, you didn't go.

HANNITY: Yeah, well let me tell you, I have a 13-year-old son. Those days have changed big time.

BACHMANN: And our girls are not allowed to do that in our house. They have to wait for the boys to call.

Of course, longtime City Pages readers were already aware of Bachmann's bizarre, pimp-like relationship with her children, which was first revealed in a 2003 Christmas letter:

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Her other daughter, Elisa, was well into wifehood training in 2003, when she was 13. Elisa is "ORGANIZED!" Bachmann proclaims, which means she was "born to be the perfect wife and mother." But Elisa comes with a disclaimer: "Future mates will have to apply as she does not advertise herself. Thank God for her modesty; she tries desperately to set an example for her mother." ...

Bachmann introduces her next daughter with an odd reference to plural marriage: "King Henry had his 6 wives, and if our Caroline had been one of them I think she would have been called Caroline the Vibrant." Mom offers little explanation for this designation, but goes on to reveal Caroline's waist size, saying that she "pulls jeans over her 14" hips," which sounds like a line from a mail-order wife catalog.

Last comes Sophia, who is too young for a husband and therefore will have to spend the rest of her life caring for her crazy mother. "A hundred years ago families designated a sacrifice lamb that forsook marriage in favor of caring for aging parents," Bachmann explains.
They sound like a real catch, don't they? And as an added bonus, you get Michele as a mother-in-law and Marcus as a father-in-law! The phone must be ringing off the hook with eager suitors!

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33 comments
ChellG
ChellG

Today she has become a citizen of Switzerland. I am pretty certain that if a non-white male, say even the son of the Singapore Prime Minister who is a Christian had called to ask her daughter for a date, she would have personally flown to that country (if she knew where it was) and given him a beating!

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Jessica
Jessica

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Steve_Mart1n
Steve_Mart1n

omg I am going to be sick

So she is now truly the 'Madam' of the Bachmann family....

I feel sorry for the problems that these brain washed kids are going to have in the future.

Briansays
Briansays

she won't have to calljust put out once or twiceit will get aroundguys will start callingits ok its in the biblebegating and all...

hef or flynt should offer any 18 year old plus daughter $1M to do a spreadshe can if morally troubled give the money to mom to keep the failing campaign goingsorta like taking one for the team...

Jessica
Jessica

I am a 26 years old girl, down to earth and cute but still single ... I  wanna find my lover who can give me a real love,so I joined in the seekcasual.COM,it's the best club for  man and woman finding their intimate encounters. Well, you do not have to be lonely , you  can meet the Mr. or Miss. Right there.

Amadeus332
Amadeus332

ABC= Anal Bachmann Channel.......Dark Matter on HD TV

Christianwinstead
Christianwinstead

City Pages gets more and more like the National Enquirer-pathetic.

Phoenix Woman
Phoenix Woman

So much for Republicans saying they care about equality for women.  Not with with house servant Kapos like Serena Joy -- erm, Michele Bachmann -- putting shackles on them.

It turns out that even Amy Koch, much touted by the RPM as The First Female Senate Majority Leader, was merely the puppet and pawn of her nominal underling and possible lover Michael Brodkorb: http://blogs.citypages.com/blo...

#occupylogic
#occupylogic

so this is where the bottom feeders dwell.  it stinks down here...too dark.  i'll be back with some bleach and a flashlight.  

Mvinge
Mvinge

What does it matter if we keep listening Kirk... We SHOULD be listening, you fuck. That bitch has real influence and being informed of her psychosis is important for anyone that wishes to campaign against her. Every time you post in favor of Bachmann you look more and more retarded.

Research
Research

Wow, what an insane individual.  I couldn't finish the article. She makes me sad.

Kirk the Conservative Jerk
Kirk the Conservative Jerk

I love it!!!!

Ever seen the movie with Howard Stern - Private Parts?

From the movie-Researcher:The average radio listener listens for eighteen minutes. The average Howard Stern fan listens for - are you ready for this? - an hour and twenty minutes.

Pig Vomit:How can that be?

Researcher:Answer most commonly given? "I want to see what he'll say next."

Pig Vomit:Okay, fine. But what about the people who hate Stern?

Researcher:Good point. The average Stern hater listens for two and a half hours a day.

Pig Vomit:But... if they hate him, why do they listen?

Researcher:Most common answer? "I want to see what he'll say next."

So let it be known, we conservatives LOVE that you liberal weenies listen to our radio and TV host like Sean Hannity.  Without you morons, they wouldn't have all the influence they currently have.Way to be counter productive to your own cause.   By the way, feel free to sub out the name "Pig Vomit", and include your own...

jack_sprat
jack_sprat

@ChellG Don't hyperventilate, now, old boy. There needn't be TWO of you on the world stage at one time. 

jack_sprat
jack_sprat

@#occupylogic I'd recommend one of those FD pumper boats that they task to keep tabs on big fireworks displays. Maybe you can get enough bleach into one of those to save yourself a second trip.

jack_sprat
jack_sprat

@Mvinge Psychotic Republican Congressman...Pathological Liar Democratic Vice-President. Potato...Potato. Tomato...Tomato.

green23
green23

So you are saying that Bachmann is essentially a clown that no one takes seriously, but finds amusing in a train wreck sense? And this makes her influential?

Or are you just throwing out random thoughts with no concern for relevance or logic?

I guess in your mind, laughing at how stupid someone is gives them "influence".

Was Bachmann elected to be a Howard Stern type of entertainer, or was she elected to represent her constituents in a legislative body?

And Bachmann is so influential that only about 5% of the Republican Party takes her seriously as a candidate.

Rasmussen (the most right-wing national pollster in the country) published survey results that showed 51% of Americans think that Bachmann's views are "extreme". Only 27% consider her to be "mainstream". In addition, 59% of Minnesotans have an "unfavorable" opinion of her. In a hypothetical match-up with Klobuchar, Bachmann loses by 20 points.

Yeah, she's influential.

Michelle Bachmann
Michelle Bachmann

Fox News and all the right wing nut jobs have taken over the Republican Party and pushed them into the lunatic fringes of politics.   Thanks to race baiting clowns like Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, and Glen Beck the Republicans are rapidly becoming a party of racist idiots from the South.   This will become very apparent in 2012 as the Republicans nominate an incredibly weak candidate who Obama will kill like he killed Osama.    This is such a scientific fact that I will bet you personally kirk.   If Obama wins you can never comment on City Pages again.   No one will be forced to ever read your idiotic lies again.  I will do the same if whatever clown the Republicans put up wins.  

Bilky
Bilky

nobody listens to that windbag, sorry. couldn't even tell you when or where to tune in. cute fantasy, though!

keep watching WAAY too much TV buddy.

Scoops
Scoops

haha.. Hey Kirk, do I need to point out the irony of you doing the very same thing by constantly reading and commenting on citypages articles? 

jack_sprat
jack_sprat

@green23 Everybody needs a bogeyman. Scratch that. Every corrupt leader and small child needs one. Which are they, do you suppose? 

Flashed on an image of full-grown, earnest morons shivering underneath the covers, as moans and groans emerge from within their closets and beneath their beds. Don't know whether to cry or giggle.

jack_sprat
jack_sprat

@Michelle Bachmann Can't any of you people write a simple housekeeping program to white out their messages on your screen? Pay some guy in Bulgaria $5.00, then. Get 'er done.

Kirk the Conservative Jerk
Kirk the Conservative Jerk

it's from a MOVIE

And you can watch the clip online somewhereGoogle: "pig vomit - howard stern" and filter to only display video

Furthermore, it's about a radio show manager/producer that HATES Howard Stern and would LOVE to do away with him.  Now mater what he does, it never works.  It turns out that it's people that HATE Howard Stern that support him the most.   Irony...

jack_sprat
jack_sprat

@Scoops There's absolutely NO downside in him doing so. Alternative newspapers have a never-ending revenue source: Gay sex. No small amount of which money, in circular fashion, comes from Republican political operatives. Strange bedfellows all round.

Bilky
Bilky

still don't care. you still watch too much TV.

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