The MNGOP All-Scandal Team: Can't anybody here play this game?

Categories: Politics
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Put your hands together and make some noise for your MNGOP Scandal starting line-up!
After it was revealed that the Vikings lead all NFL teams in arrests, we published a satirical post entitled "Meet the Vikings All-Arrested Team."

Although no one has been arrested (unless you count expired tabs), the MNGOP has lately been giving the Vikings a run for their money when it comes to embarrassing revelations. The constant Parade of Fail brings to mind Mets manager Casey Stengel's oft-quoted statement about the 1962 season: "Can't anybody here play this game?"

In that spirit, we hereby present the MNGOP All-Scandal Team.

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Amy Koch: The Senate Majority Leader was a leading light for the MNGOP until she suddenly and mysteriously resigned the position last week. Turns out she had been confronted by fellow Republican about an "inappropriate relationship" with a direct subordinate, which didn't look good for a party intent on defending the sanctity of marriage by banning gay unions. The details of the dalliance have leaked out in a slow trickle, but one thing is already certain: Koch made a giant ass out of herself.

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Michael Brodkorb: Widely rumored to be the other half of Koch's "inappropriate relationship," Brodkorb was met by security at the Capitol and told to pack his bags. It must have been a familiar feeling, because his wife called 911 on him in June after his angry outbursts scared her and their three children. Brodkorb once ruled from the bully pulpit of "Minnesota Democrats Exposed," but now he's the one who has been caught with his pants down.

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Tony Sutton: The larger-than-life face of the MNGOP resigned his post at the start of the month in the face of a mounting bills. The party of fiscal responsibility had driven itself a half-million dollars into debt after challenging the results of the governor's race, and Sutton was taking a salary for the position he'd once done for free, which probably had something to do with the failure of his taco business. It may be time to make a run for the border, if he can scrounge up enough change to pay the tolls.

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Brandon Sawalich: He was the front-runner to take over for Sutton as the MNGOP chair, until he withdrew his name last Friday after being arrested and fingerprinted at the airport for having expired vehicle tabs. It hardly seemed like a career-ending scandal, until it emerged that Sawalich had settled a sexual harassment suit in 2003. Sawalich had allegedly offered a subordinate career advancement in exchange for sex, which probably wouldn't have played well in the wake of The Koch Affair

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Mike Osskopp: Mike, we hardly knew ye! Osskopp threw his hat in the ring for the MNGOP chair via Twitter last Thursday and was considered the front-runner after Sawalich dropped out. Yesterday, a video of Osskopp yelling about "Jap cars" circulated on the internet, and he withdrew from the running, opting to support Pat Shortridge. The video was tame in comparison to the other scandals that have rocked the MNGOP, but Osskopp may have realized the long knives were out and decided to escape before a pound of flesh was extracted.

The MNGOP with elect a new Majority Leader to replace Koch next Tuesday. Who will be the last one standing?

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