Bachmann: God will facilitate victory in Iowa

Polls indicate you are as likely to win tonight's Iowa caucuses as Michele Bachmann
Michele Bachmann believes God will intervene in tonight's Iowa caucuses and propel her to what would be an astonishing victory in her home state.

Seriously -- she does.

At an Urbandale rally last night, Bachmann told supporters that "tomorrow night we are going to see a miracle, because we know the one who gives miracles."

This much is clear -- at this point, it would take more than a minor miracle for Bachmann to emerge victorious during tonight's official beginning of the 2012 Presidential campaign. Something more along the lines of resurrecting the dead is required.

The New York Times' latest Iowa projection gives Bachmann a 0 percent chance of winning on her home-turf and predicts a sixth-place finish for the Minnesota Congresswoman, ahead of only Jon Huntsman, who skipped campaigning in Iowa all together.

In other words, I'm as likely to win the Iowa caucuses as Bachmann. 

In fact, her once-relevant campaign has become so irrelevant that at this point it seems silly to write about it.

But her delirious optimism even in the face of campaign controversy and grim polling data is just too entertaining to ignore.

For instance, on Monday, speaking on the topic of an important Des Moines Register polll that pegged her in dead last, Bachmann said she put no stock in the poll because she saw "overwhelming" support during her recent 99-county tour of Iowa.

"It was like an electric light switch was flipped on," she said. "We saw literally thousands of people make their decision on the spot. They're out best advocates."

Whatever you say, Michele.

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10 comments
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Jesus h Christ
Jesus h Christ

"out" should be "our" at the end. reading an article and pausing....meh. proof readers. get some.

S. Abdul Otherwise Himself
S. Abdul Otherwise Himself

If only she'd take losing as a sign God has other plans...but we know better than that.  Don't we?

Michelle Bachmann
Michelle Bachmann

To steal a joke from The Onion:

God Answers Michele Bachmann's prayers:  "No" says God. 

Danny B.
Danny B.

So if she loses, does that mean there is no God?

Real Account
Real Account

hey everyone, God here.

I just wanted to start out by openly coming out to all of you, that's right, I am a homosexual and at that Mohammed is one of my lovers... he and I try to sword fight at least once a week. But to keep on topic, I do not endorsed Michele Bachmann or any of her crazy dreams of what a real american is designed to be; in fact I am only using her as entertainment/distraction from the people that could be of good to a true America. Ron Paul, never mind him and keep your eyes on this and other preoccupation that old media have to offer you and your loved ones. Stay hypnotized by bunked politics, over produced Reality TV shows and never EVER look out the window; I hear terrorist enjoy the outdoors way too much.THANKS,love,GOD-

pizza
pizza

Why couldn't she be from WI?

ludwigtr
ludwigtr

This woman lost the Crazy-off that has become the republican primary race.  She's done.  Not only for a presidential bid, but for senate again as well.

My hypothesis is that the only reason she's sticking around in the campaign is to continue to collect donations and then use that money for a senate bid to try to keep her seat, which she will lose.

guest
guest

FYI, she's a congresswoman. Amy Klobuchar and Al Franken are the MN senators.

vitajex
vitajex

Jesus can turn water into wine but Michele can turn lemons into lemonade.

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