Wisconsin DNR to close public forest, citing concerns about outdoor sex near nudist beach

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A nudist beach complete with copious outdoor sex and drugs? Welcome to Wisconsin!

It has been said that Wisconsin is the most romantic state in the land, but some folks are apparently taking their romantic urges a little too far.

The Wisconsin DNR said yesterday that it plans to close down huge expanses of public forest nearby Mazo Beach, located on the Wisconsin River near the town of Mazomanie, about a half-hour away from Madison. Mazo Beach is the only legal nude beach in the state -- who knew there even was one?

Why is the DNR closing the woods to the public? Because some birthday-suit-clad nudists have apparently gotten in the habit of going into the woods to have sex.

According to Wisconsin police, the amount of intercourse taking place in the woods near the nudie beach has reached epidemic proportions. Officials surveilled the beach for nine days last year and made 42 arrests for sex and drug-related crimes. In 2007, officers surveilled the beach for six days, during which time there were only 14 arrests.

The Friends of Mazo Beach, a group characterizing itself as a "politically active group of naturists" who work together to keep the beach free for all who wish to use it "naturally," condemns the illicit outdoor sex.

"You will be expected to behave just as you would at any other public beach. If you don't, someone will likely correct you or a Ranger will arrest you," the group's website says. "Tanning oil is for tanning, not for fun. Nudity is for fun, not sex on the beach. 'Nuff said?"

According to the Friends' website, the last event the group organized was a "Naked Nostalgic Nightmare" held last year from October 28-30. A late October weekend on a Wisconsin nudie beach? Sounds like an unpleasant amount of shrinkage and goosebumps to us.

The DNR hopes that by closing the forest around the beach to the public, they'll be able to better see everything going on at Mazo Beach and crack down on the illicit sex and drugs. But considering the area is typically inhabited by a bunch of naked upper Midwesterners, we ask them -- are you sure, for your sake, you aren't better off just letting the nudists do their thing in the woods?