Kurt Bills' creepy Staring at the Future political film is laughably bad [VIDEO]
|One Minnesota conservative called it the worst political ad of all time... and she was only talking about the trailer.|
Suffice it to say, it's not good. In fact, as we wrote at the time, it's absolutely, horrifyingly awful. So it stands to reason that the full five-minute video would also make Hitchcock turn in his grave.
The full video is now publicly available and can be seen below the jump. Mostly, it just leaves the viewer feeling bad for a minute or two before chuckles set in. Staring at the Future begins with an old grotesque-looking man named Riley Thomas readying to hang himself with his belt from a dingy building's rafters, and doesn't get much more uplifting from there.
After old Riley offs himself, the next scene shows young-man Riley sitting in what looks to be the world's darkest diner, eating breakfast by his lonesome. He looks up and there's an old grotesque version of himself staring back. Narrator Bills asks viewers: "Have you been here before? Misguided, on a path to nowhere, desperate, alone, and penniless? This is the story of Riley Thomas, sitting alone in a diner. A chance meeting transcending time and space will change his life forever."
Whatever you say, Kurt. Here's some of the ensuing Old Grotesque Riley-Young Riley dialogue:
|Bills' campaign website|
|If the whole U.S. Senate thing doesn't work out, Bills should probably stick to teaching.|
Old Grotesque Riley: You're R. Thomas. I recognize that watch -- it was your father's. You stole it from him when he got sick.Old Grotesque tells his younger self that he "knows all your secrets," and cites Riley's first kiss as one of them. Then, in a can't-make-it-up moment of unintentional comedy, Old Grotesque reminds his younger self that his first kiss was with a girl named "Amy K". Of all the first names and last initials producer Vaughn Juares could've picked, he chose the exact same combination made famous by Mrs. Minnesota Sex Scandal herself, Amy Koch!
Young Riley: You begged for money and you're calling me a thief!
OGR: Take a good look at my face! This is who you'll become!
"You didn't like her so much so you never told anyone, but neither did she," Old Grotesque says, speaking of Amy K.
I'll spare you the rest of the gory details -- watch the video for yourself if you're feeling masochistic -- but in the end Bills' intended message is something about people getting 'a second chance to reshape their destiny.'
"The right choices will lead to growth, prosperity, love, and family. The wrong choice, despair," Bills says. "The writing is on the wall. The future is staring all of us down. We can make better choices for ourselves, each other, and our nation. What choice will you make?"
You can't blame a guy for trying, but something tells us no swing voters will make the choice to vote for Bills over incumbent Amy Klobuchar on the basis of Staring at the Future.
Without further ado, here it is:
-- What the hell is GOP US Senate candidate Kurt Bills thinking with his campaign film trailer? [VIDEO]