Chris Kluwe to Deadspin: The Vikings don't suck, you do
|Kluwe likes Deadspin, but he loves the Vikings.|
Today, Deadspin published the Vikings version of "Why Your Team Sucks 2012," a series where fans of the various NFL teams explain their team, um, sucks.
But in an unusual twist, Deadspin also published a rebuttal from Vikings punter and known Deadspin lover Chris Kluwe. Fittingly, Kluwe's piece is entitled "Why Your Website Sucks." At least we know where his allegiances lie.
Deadspin writer and purported Vikings fan Drew Magary lists many, many reasons why the Vikings suck, including:
-- "Nice Minnesota people are the worst kind of people." ("If they could build a wall around the state and send out laser-equipped loons to protect their borders from anyone with a trace amounts of melanin, they would."
-- "Oh, and we suck." ("There were so many good players on this roster back in 2009, and all of them have seen their finest years wasted thanks to Brett Favre's penis and a run of abominable coaching.")
And "Our punter won't stop trying to get a job at Deadspin." ("One day, I'm gonna look up a Chris Kluwe comment on this site and find that it was time-stamped at the exact same moment a punt was blocked. LESS TALKY MORE KICKY, WARCRAFT BOY."
Kluwe, in his rebuttal, takes some tongue-in-cheek shots at Deadspin's 'paint-huffing work-dodger' readership, including:
-- "The community of commentators gargles donkey dick." ("Oh, and just a heads up: None of your witty comments are remotely witty. In fact, every time you post, the corpse of Samuel Clemens spins in his grave and screams, "YOU BUNCH OF STUPID FUCKS ARE RUINING AMERICA.")
And "Half of these goddamn articles are a complete waste of time." ("There's absolutely no reason I should be forced to slog through this mind-numbing pageview padding when all I want to do is read about Adrian Peterson's 15th rushing touchdown in a game, or how Christian Ponder just saved a convent full of nuns from dickzombies.")
While commenting on a Gawker post last month, Kluwe coined the term "turdsloth." Between that and one of the more colorful words used in his latest Deadspin work, we think we have a solid suggestion for the name of his first post-Tripping Icarus band -- the Turdsloth Dickzombies.