Minneapolis woman shames catcalling douche with hilarious Craigslist "Missed Connection" ad

Categories: Overheard
craigslistmissedconnection.jpg

Are you the kind of douchebag who shouts sexist comments at random women you see walking on the street in Minneapolis?

SEE ALSO: Craig Newmark speaks about "Craigslist Killings" at victim's memorial

If so, this clever Missed Connection ad may have been written about you.

The ad, which was posted Saturday afternoon, describes an unwanted encounter that happened the day before at 4:30 p.m. at American Boulevard and 34th Avenue.

"You leaned out of your window and made some ridiculous series of leering comments about whether I was wearing a thong, right as the light changed and you peeled off, pleased with yourself and saved from any consequences," the Craigslist poster writes in describing the incident.

She then proceeds to completely school the leering douchebag on why his behavior is unacceptable, offensive, and ultimately counterproductive.

"If you really find a woman beautiful, don't choose the juvenile selfish route that makes her feel weird and you look like an asshole," she concludes. "Just take a deep breath, commit the image to memory, and get on with your life."

Read the whole thing, and stop harassing women on the street:

The blonde you shouted at - w4m - 27 (American Blvd/34th Ave)

The scene: 4:30 pm Friday, intersection at American Blvd and 34th Avenue.

You: Middle-aged, dark hair, tan skin, driving a green SUV and wearing the kind of red polo shirt you corporate douchebags love to wear on fridays so you can easily transition from day to night (assuming "day" is some generic but well paid desk job and "night" is maybe a brief happy hour at Applebees before heading back to the burbs and stopping to grab a red box dvd for the kids on your way home.)

Me: 20s, blonde hair, black fitted dress, gladiator sandals and waiting at the intersection to catch the lightrail.

I know how it is. That quittin' time whistle blows, announcing the weekend, and you get that rush of adrenaline that only comes on Friday afternoons, when the whole world is your oyster and all you need is the freedom to shuck it and some beer to wash it down. You make the minimum requisite small talk with your colleagues as you bolt for your car in the corporate wasteland parking lot and get excited at the notion of beating the traffic home. Maybe your classic rock radio station starts to play your favorite Creed song right as your engine turns on and you're feeling extra lucky. And that's where you find your psyche as you approach the intersection to turn onto 34th - you're a man with nothing to lose and an open road ahead of you.

That's when you spot me, halfway into the street, waiting behind a construction sign for the light to change so I can cross to the light rail stop. If you'd looked closely, you might have noticed I looked tired, eager for peace and quiet after a draining day. You might also have noticed my arms were full of paperwork, confirming that I have a demanding profession and a hard weekend ahead of me. Unfortunately, though, based on what happened next I assume you didn't notice these things, or if you did, you determined they were much less important than the fact that I have two legs that attach at an ass.

So, that's where we were. Me, minding my own business. You, apparently observing my ass. At that point you had options. You could have driven past me and said nothing. You could have turned up your radio and waved, ensconcing us in some beats and camaraderie. You could have shouted out, "Happy Friday! Yeehaw!" Any of those options would have been great. I probably would have waved, smiled, and started my weekend on the same high note as you.

Instead, you chose the most pathetic option available to you: You leaned out of your window and made some ridiculous series of leering comments about whether I was wearing a thong, right as the light changed and you peeled off, pleased with yourself and saved from any consequences.

If you'd stuck around, I would have happily shouted a few things of my own at you: that it's people like you that make women avoid walking alone or taking transit even in broad daylight in their own cities; that no matter what screwed up metric you use it's not a "compliment" to have someone interrogate me about my underwear; that thanks to you I would spend the entire train ride home feeling scrutinized and gross because you didn't have the willpower or maturity to keep your mouth shut; that your wife and daughters or at the very least your mother deserve better than a cowardly man who shouts at women from the safety of his car.

Let me make this abundantly clear, to you and to the other men reading this: when you comment on a woman's appearance, you are not doing it for her. You are doing it for you. It's not some great way to make a woman feel sexy and appreciated. It's not flattery, even if you mean for it to be. The only thing it is is a great way for you to create a shitty power dynamic, by which you have announced yourself as the arbiter of her value, and you've deemed her fuckable, and she is supposed to be happy or impressed by that.

If you really find a woman beautiful, don't choose the juvenile selfish route that makes her feel weird and you look like an asshole. Just take a deep breath, commit the image to memory, and get on with your life. Or, if it's really that great of an ass that you can't possibly survive without commenting on it, post about it on CL missed connections after the fact and let her decide what to do about it.

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87 comments
Josiah McGee
Josiah McGee

She dressed up to get attention she got it wearing her form fitting clothing. It's not necessary to wear such things. But she did one might ask why she dressed this way. To get attention many would say. She got it don't want cat calls wear baggy clothing and get eternal self confidence, and start attracting guys with inner beauty and personality not your ass.

Josiah McGee
Josiah McGee

"Me: 20s, blonde hair, black fitted dress, gladiator sandals and waiting at the intersection to catch the lightrail. " I'm sorry but you know how men are obviously, you seem to harbor enough hatred for them. So why even open yourself up for this kind of a situation to happen by wearing a tight dress or jeans or having your cleavage popping out? The only reason women wear form fitting clothing is to get men to pay attention. Don't act all self righteous and shocked when you get what you wanted. Don't twist this into me trying to say women ask for rape either, I know how women think, because no one asks for that; but they do ask for attention. She dressed to get attention and she got it. Even if I had 2 fucks to give I wouldn't give her one. Seriously MN women I swear...

Erinn Reed
Erinn Reed

This is probably the ass in the car...

Matthew Martin
Matthew Martin

Elisa, I'm sorry that in her EIGHT paragraph rant about some guy(s) who offended her... that I missed that part.

Matthew Martin
Matthew Martin

Leslie, "Maybe your classic rock radio station starts to play your favorite Creed song right as your engine turns on and you're feeling extra lucky. And that's where you find your psyche as you approach the intersection to turn onto 34th - you're a man with nothing to lose and an open road ahead of you." = how is this not being over-dramatic?

SeniorCitizen
SeniorCitizen

It is funny and he deserved it but this is hardly news worthy. Happens on a daily basis this is no different.

Elisa Maria
Elisa Maria

Poll for men only: how many times have you been whistled at, had a vulger expression spewed at you, been called stuck up for not reacting the way your cat caller wants?

Elisa Maria
Elisa Maria

Um, the dude drove off so she couldn't respond. Did ya even read it all?

Elisa Maria
Elisa Maria

oh hell fucking yes!!!!!! THANK YOU, SISTER!!!!

Laurra Gallagher
Laurra Gallagher

I once was walking into work and two knuckledraggers had to share their opinion of me in my uniform. I asked them why the hell they thought I cared what their opinion of me was, they both stfu with their big stupid mouths open. Felt justified.

Ran Dazzle
Ran Dazzle

she came off as kinda bitchy and a little conceited in my opinion

ellie.manuel
ellie.manuel

"that it's people like you that make women avoid walking alone or taking transit even in broad daylight in their own cities;" 

Ive always wondered if people realized they may be the reason others quit using public transit. When I was in highschool, I was riding the bus to a class at MCTC and a couple guys were commenting on my appearance and really made me genuinely uncomfortable. That isn't against the law, but I just would have rather had them not talk to me at all, especially like that. 

Leslie Foster-Huot
Leslie Foster-Huot

How do you know it's "over-dramatic" and what makes you an expert on how to respond to street harassment? You are also using your "power of the pen" so what does your contribution do?

MarkDayton
MarkDayton

In all likelihood, this craigslist post is fake. She is probably some BBW fatty who is dying for some attention. She's probably also bitter because she can't afford an SUV and has to ride the train.

ElliotPark
ElliotPark

Clearly Jeff Dubay is struggling to maintain his sobriety. He should apologize on air to this woman for his misogynistic commentary at the LRT station.

jalbus
jalbus

damn, i always forget what a bunch of sad motherfuckers there are on the internet. so basically, what i leared from the comments:

... she shouldn't have worn a fitting dress.

... she should have just shut up and moved on with her life.

... as long as you aren't raped and/or murdered, you have no right to be offended or stick up for yourself as a woman.

brilliant stuff.

Matthew Martin
Matthew Martin

The writer makes a lot of assumptions and really, we're only getting some overly dramatic scenario that occurred in the span of what, 30 seconds? I can understand why she felt the need to respond back. But why not then and there? The "power of her pen" may have reached some here... but what does it do? This story could be been put on her in personal blog and achieved just as much social change.

rellimnitsuj
rellimnitsuj

What no picture to accompany the post? Kidding, kidding... calm down. Hope the rest of her weekend was decidedly less douchy.

Tina Mc
Tina Mc

Dan Dahl: Right. So it's HER fault? Typical. Was she writing about you?

Dan Dahl
Dan Dahl

maybe next time dont wear the black FITTED dress ?

Amara
Amara

@Josiah McGee 

Amara
Amara

@Josiah McGee 

This argument about what a woman wears inciting this kind of stuff is not only stupid, but a flat out incorrect assumption.  First of all, it is stupid because you telling women to not wear certain items of clothing because they make men so overcome that they can't keep their mouths shut is an insult to men and also bordering on "blame the victim" mentality that keeps rape culture alive and well.  Secondly, if you were a woman you would KNOW that it doesn't matter if you're wearing a burlap sack with your head shaved and all your teeth missing.. You will still get catcalled.  I remember getting catcalled when I looked absolutely horrid.  It was my last final of the year in college, I hadn't showered, bags under my eyes from lack of sleep, no makeup, greasy tangled hair, wearing the baggiest clothing I owned (hoodie and sweat pants), and I had a guy roll up in his convertible and ask if I wanted to go for a spin in his car.  The fact remains that it has NOTHING to do with what a woman wears.  It is only power dynamic B.S.  Why don't you talk to some of the females you know and ask them what they were wearing when they get catcalled.  You would be surprised.

catsandsuch
catsandsuch

@Josiah McGee I dress to please myself, not to get creepy cat calls. Don't you take pride in what you look like? That's what wearing a nice dress is to me. As a woman, I do get cat calls and they piss me off. It's not wanted.  Cat calls are essential street harassment which is objectifying and degrading. 

MarkDayton
MarkDayton

@Matthew Martin 

Newsflash!! Women love drama!!

huskarl.dug.in
huskarl.dug.in

@Elisa Maria  

I'm a guy and I get plenty of shit from passers by  mainly because I have long hair. But either way I just don't look or react anymore, that way they don't get a reaction and hopefully they feel the stupidity of what they said set in. Hopefully but doubtful, it takes a certain kind of coward to yell out of a moving vehicle.

MarkDayton
MarkDayton

@Elisa Maria 

I once had a woman rub my thigh at a bar and told me that she thought I was sexy. Of course, she was old enough to be my mom and had a wooden leg. 

But I wasn't offended. I'll take any compliment I can get! :)

CinBlueland
CinBlueland topcommenter

@Elisa Maria Wrong question.. Ask what men have been snubbed, dismissed, or laughed at for? Women have different triggers, and you know it.

Gleas
Gleas

@Laurra Gallagher "knuckledraggers"? you are pathetic.

lheimkes68
lheimkes68

@Randall G Baxter You come off as a clueless misogynist in my opinion.

Onan
Onan

@MarkDayton  - I found your post both informative and insightful. Please go on.

salenatumini
salenatumini

@Dan Dahl So her clothes make it okay for him to harass her? Please tell me, what clothes am I allowed to wear out in public? Are there outfits that make it okay to punch someone? Outfits that make it okay to rob someone? Outfits that make it okay to stab someone?

I'm guessing your answers to those are "No", so why is it any different when people choose to harass women minding their own business walking down the street? It's not.

lizjhull
lizjhull

@Dan Dahl  what a woman chooses to wear isn't any of your business and it is NOT an open invitation to act like an asshole towards her. Women shouldn't have to dress matronly just so men can control themselves. Just keep it in your pants and keep your mouth shut, how 'bout that?

kLPantera
kLPantera

@catsandsuch You may dress to please yourself, but that does not mean other people will see it that way.

Amara
Amara

@CinBlueland  

 The key here is safety.  Women don't know if a man is simply complimenting in a moronic way or if he's a potential rapist, since these interactions start the exact same way on the street.  So men view them as compliments and wonder why women can't take a compliment from men in the street, because men don't have to worry about their safety with such intensity when out in public.  There is something about this approach in public that feels very unsafe for women, and we don't know if it will escalate to violence if we give the wrong response.  Hence, women tend to try to put their head down and get away as fast as possible.  

christine 16
christine 16

@Onan @MarkDayton omg Onan, you rock. i'm actually choking. mark dayton, you might as well be the driver of that suv. 


REALLYNOW
REALLYNOW

@lizjhull - It doesn't matter how "matronly" a woman dresses...douchebag men will be douchebag men. I'm sure there's a niche group of "matronly dressed women" fetish fans out there. It's not the apparel...it's the behavior that needs to be addressed. This another example of someone (@Dan Dahl) who is simply looking at things from a different angle. That doesn't give you permission to run your mouth because you disagree with him. I'm glad he's adding his perspective to the discussion. You're welcome to leave if differing thoughts or opinions bother you.

MarkDayton
MarkDayton

@Onan

I'm not Elitist. I just fear for my life. Have you ever ridden the #5? Late at night? *spooky*

MarkDayton
MarkDayton

@christine 16 @Onan

Have you ever looked at the personals on craigslist? It's a free comedy show (both the men and the women).

lizjhull
lizjhull

@REALLYNOW @lizjhull I'm not sure what your problem is here then. We are both seeming to agree that the behavior needs to change and not the woman's clothing. Is that not what I told him?

lheimkes68
lheimkes68

@REALLYNOW @lizjhull  One of the problems with "slut-shaming" is that it is such a big part of our society that people do not know they are doing it. So I bet Douchy Dan was not actively trying to "slut- shame" her but that does not make it any more acceptable. It does mean that we do need to make people aware when they do it.

REALLYNOW
REALLYNOW

@lizjhull So you've self-nominated as the new morality and values police? Let's ask @Dan Dahl and find out (by his next reply) if he was trying to "slut-shame" her. I'm fairly confident that wasn't his intent. He included his opinion and I'm glad he spoke up. What I see here is an insecure individual who is towing the well worn gender line - "us girls have to stick together". Really?? Again, don't jump to conclusions about what he is or is not trying to say here. You may not agree with what he thinks but do yourself a favor and read with an open mind. I don't believe me or anyone here is bothered by your thoughts or opinions - thank you for sharing them.

lizjhull
lizjhull

@REALLYNOW @lizjhull  what he is doing is slut-shaming her, which is as douchey as street harassment. This whole business about women "asking for it" if they dress a certain way has no place in society. And I'm sorry but it seems my differing though and opinion bothers you. I thought this was a discussion?

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