Minnesota State Fair: Top 10 places to poop

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All photos by Jake Nyberg
Because you never know when nature will call, especially when you've eaten a corn dog, carmel apple, corn, cheese curds, falafel, Snickers on a stick...
The world doesn't need another recap of the newest, weirdest, on-a-stickiest foods at the Minnesota State Fair. At least not from this omnivore. When it comes to fair grub, it's fun to experiment -- to try things for yourself -- to share as many items as you can with as many people as possible. That's the secret to gastronomic success. It's about volume. Trial and error. It isn't rocket science and it sure as hell isn't a fancy tasting dinner with white linens. The fair is a gathering of people, animals, smells and tastes. It gets messy and the mess is part of the adventure.

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This State Fair poster looks like something out of a drug-induced nightmare

Having said that, if there's one part of your State Fair experience that you don't want to experiment with, it's the inevitable (and, often regrettable) trip to the commode. We're not talking about taking a quick whiz. I mean a full-on, legitimate, can't-eat-another-thing-until-I-take-care-of-this bowel movement.

Let's move past the pleasantries and get real here: Everybody poops... and, while we'd all prefer to coax out a championship deuce before leaving for the fair, sometimes you have no choice but to pop a squat at a place that draws more visitors in a single day than almost any event in the world (look it up). But how can you guarantee maximum comfort during an evacuation while surrounded by 200,000 of your closest friends? Don't just head for the first bank of biffies... read on and jot these down. Remember, we're all in this together. The quest for a clean restroom is thankless, but necessary and I did the heavy lifting (or sitting) for you. If you're like me, I think you'll find this list provides a lot more real world value than some deep-fried highlights. You can find those on your own.

10. Main Gate (Dan Patch and Cosgrove)

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Tucked just inside the fair's main gate is a brick building with some restrooms. Typically best reserved for a quick number one on your way in or out, these johns were suitable enough when I checked them out. Perhaps because they were just cleaned, or because most folks venture deeper into the fair before a true urge strikes. These toilets are also the closest to the administration buildings -- a clean restroom tactic I employed often in college.

9. Creative Activities Building (Dan Patch and Cosgrove)

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On the other side of Dan Patch as you enter the fair is the Creative Activities Building. This bizarre hall-of-homemade features bad scrapbooking, dried out pies and bland pickles that have been awarded with ribbons. If you're nearby and need to perform a "creative activity" of your own, you'll find some quiet, award-winning restrooms in the middle of this shrine to grandparents with too much free time.

8. Giggles Campfire Biffies (Behind Giggles Campfire Grill)

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I debated putting any porta-johns on this list because, by definition, they're not a real bathroom. As such, these blue plastic outhouses are generally worth avoiding, save for a standing leak. I included these, though, because they're hidden in a remarkably low-traffic area (which tends to be a common trait of clean shitters). Simply put, few people know about these biffies, so, if nature calls while you're three sips into a S'mores beer at Giggles, just set it down and walk confidently just past the bar to find relief.

(For more, click to page two.)

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95 comments
Marc Churchill
Marc Churchill

Wow, that's some in-depth reporting. Almost as full of shit as your "tip stealing" story. Keep up the good work...

Tim Stang
Tim Stang

#1. tie between every issue ever

Chris LeBlanc
Chris LeBlanc

Next: the top ten City Page issues to use as toilet paper

Cameron Morlock
Cameron Morlock

I'd rather hold it in. Thousands and thousands of asses on those seats? Not to mention potential pee on the seats. No thank you.

KeepupwMJones
KeepupwMJones

@leeleeb Pleeeease tell me this will be one of the DVD extras for the doc! What fun that would be to pitch in pledge!

Craig Viknx
Craig Viknx

Is the Minnesota State Fair still the 2nd largest or largest in country

Adrienne E. Reed
Adrienne E. Reed

amazingly clean inside and outside spots and some attendants present wow..now if we can just get more paper towels installed...ladies don't like sweaty hair, faces, boobs, and legs..especially on a rainy humid day not to mention germs! thank u i'm done;>

Shayne O'Neil
Shayne O'Neil

Seems like nice places to take the obama's for a swim \U0001f4a9\U0001f4a9\U0001f4a9\U0001f4a9

Shayne O'Neil
Shayne O'Neil

Hold on, I have to take the obama's for a swim \U0001f4a9\U0001f4a9\U0001f4a9\U0001f4a9

Marcus Turen
Marcus Turen

Before I look at this, I've already found the best place: new heritage square restrooms. I'm excited to see if they made the list.

Ricky Joseph
Ricky Joseph

I pooped in the west end market bathroom. Nice!

Brad Westly
Brad Westly

This guy is the #2 writer I bet. ;-)

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