Charges: John Lind of Blaine ejaculated in coworker's coffee... on more than one occasion

Categories: Crime
coffeepaper.jpg
-- Update at bottom --

Warning: the following story is about as gross and awful as it gets, folks.

According to charges filed in Ramsey County, 34-year-old Blaine resident John Lind had a crush on one of his coworkers at Beisswenger's in New Brighton. That's not criminal. What is, however, is the beyond-belief sick way he expressed his affection.

See also:
Semen-filled cupcake scandal rocks St. Paul's Como Park High School

On more than one occasion, Lind allegedly ejaculated into her coffee. Not only that... but she unknowingly drank the dastardly concoction.

Lind was caught in the act on August 26, when the woman returned to her work space and saw Lind standing at her desk with his back turned, his hands "in front of him near his genitals."

"When Lind suddenly noticed that [the woman] was behind him, he looked at her with a 'deer in headlights' expression," the complaint says. "Lind... quickly entered another room, and slammed the door behind him. Approximately 10 seconds later, Lind came out of the room and said, 'I had a question for you, but I forgot it,' and he left the area."

Inspecting her desk, the woman noticed that something smelled strange. She originally thought it was spoiled milk.

The criminal complaint then offers up this horrifying passage: "[The woman] had an ongoing issue with a foul taste in her coffee but she had not considered that it may have been tampered with until that day."

She "noted that there was a large amount of clear liquid on top of her desk and dripping onto the floor," the complaint continues. "[She] had a hair scrunchy on top of her desk that had absorbed a large amount of the liquid, and she collected the item and placed it inside a plastic bag."

At that point, she called police. She told officers Lind was in the habit of approaching her at work with his zipper down. In fact, it had gotten so bad she'd told him she'd report him if he did it again.

Officers summoned Lind to the New Brighton Public Safety Center. Even though he was told he wasn't under arrest and didn't need to speak to authorities, he allegedly volunteered this version of events (from the complaint):
Lind said that he likes [the woman] and is attracted to her. Lind admitted that he ejaculated on [her] desk and in her coffee on August 26, 2014. Lind denied that his actions were out of revenge because [she] had threatened to report his behavior...

When told that [she] had said her coffee had tasted odd for a couple of months, Lind admitted that he had ejaculated into her coffee twice within the last six months. He ultimately admitted to four separate incidents where he ejaculated on [her] desk or other items. Lind also said he used [her] hair scrunchy to wipe up his ejaculate.

When asked why he did this, Lind said he thought it was a way to get [her] to notice him. He denied that it was a sexual compulsion that he could not control. Lind said he knew it was wrong, and he did it anyway. Lind denied having ever done this to other women. Lind indicated he was sorry for what he had done, and he said he knew it was gross and wrong.
Police subsequently told the woman about Lind's confession.

"I knew it. I have drank his semen," she said, according to the complaint. "I just thought it was spoiled milk."

Lind has been charged with fifth degree criminal sexual conduct and attempted criminal sexual conduct. The former has a maximum penalty of one year behind bars, the latter six months.

Since Lind was charged by summons, no mugshot is available, unfortunately.

:::: UPDATE ::::

We may not have a mugshot, but a tipster directed us to an online bio of a "John L." who works for Beisswenger's (or at least used to), including a photo. View it here.

Another tipster sent us a link to the same man's LinkedIn page.

Tony Webster tells us the "John L." bio has been removed from Beisswenger's website, which suggests he's no longer employed there: Send your story tips to the author, Aaron Rupar. Follow him on Twitter @atrupar.






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170 comments
Eddie Phillips
Eddie Phillips

How could we miss it you post it to my news feed 3 times a day, milk it (pun intended) shitty pages.

Lao Toua X
Lao Toua X

Now when asked she cant say she doesn't swallow...

TheEveningPrimrose
TheEveningPrimrose

When there's something strange in the neighborhood, who ya gonna call???

When that liquids clear, and it don't smell good, what ain't ya gonna drink???



Joseph Cook
Joseph Cook

I have the cookbook and cocktail (no pun intended ) books as well !

TheEveningPrimrose
TheEveningPrimrose

She "noted that there was a large amount of clear liquid on top of her desk and dripping onto the floor."All this article tells me is that Slimer from the ghost busters movies has been working at Beisswenger's.  Don't know why she's surprised, the thing always leaving his ectoplasm every where he goes.

Joel O'Brien
Joel O'Brien

I always day Anoka County is the Florida of the north.

Allen Brandt
Allen Brandt

That's why I use vegan cream in my coffee. Really don't go for a salty taste in mine.

Pablo Habanero
Pablo Habanero

I wouldn't let John Lind pick up coffee for the office anymore.

Joe Tin
Joe Tin

this is why I never ask for cream in my coffee.

Jen Ford Mirmak
Jen Ford Mirmak

What makes a guy like that think that ejaculating in someone's coffee is AOK?

John D. Miller
John D. Miller

So we should not be surprised that MN is the Nation's hot bed for ISIS recruitment...

jfzellie
jfzellie

That is so gross, the guy needs to move to California, he will fit right in here.

Alirox
Alirox

CP -- Please keep these mongoloid Facebook commentators off of your online site.

Carrie Katzenmeyer
Carrie Katzenmeyer

I feel so bad for that poor woman... But man when you bring up the word scrunchy that gets me every time.

Bearach Coughlin
Bearach Coughlin

This is why you get your own goddamn coffee! Or any other drink for that matter.... BARF!!!

Shane Lobsinger
Shane Lobsinger

gross. Based on his picture, no question Jonah Hill is playing him if they turn it into a movie.

Meg Smith
Meg Smith

"So I use my wand to make a potion, and sneak the potion into something they consume, and then they have no choice but to love me!"

misterrosewater
misterrosewater

Maybe he was just really turned on by the coffee?  Has anyone stopped to think about the poor COFFEE'S trauma?!  

Beth Praska
Beth Praska

So, I'm only making my own coffee from now on

Joseph M. Adams
Joseph M. Adams

I am so glad we figured out immigration reform and all the other issues facing this nation so that we could read about this.

Erin Burckhard
Erin Burckhard

I can't believe that is all he can charged with. These things he's doing are pre-cursors to something much worse. He knows it's wrong and did it anyway. He knows other things are wrong and will do them anyway as well. Next time it could be rapes or murders or molesting kids, and the state is must gonna sit around and let him be free after the maximum amount of a year and a half??? WTF!?!? He needs a mental assessment and should not be out in the public. He should have to register on the sex offender registry as well. This is absurd and shows little justice to his victim and shows little hope for him not doing something worse next time.

Libby Williams Jackson
Libby Williams Jackson

It's not surprising that his bio notes him as an expert in Plumbing and hardware (sorry, guys, that was just too easy!)

henk.tobias0
henk.tobias0 topcommenter

Semen tastes salty, eh? I guess I'll take your word.

theyaretraitors
theyaretraitors

yes obviously this will lead to rape, murder, molestation of women, children, goats chickens and dolphins and to the downfall of all human kind. I would like to discuss this with you over coffee.

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