Correspondence

Press release of the day II: Mayor Rybak seeks intimate adventures with open M/F couple

Filed under: Correspondence

With all due respect to the editor of this paper, the fact that world will soon be ending hardly constitutes news.

No, today's most startling press release concerns "Sex and So Much More," a November 17 expo--did we say "expo"? we meant "sexpo"--at the Minneapolis Convention Center. The show, which is being promoted out of the modern-day Babylon of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, promises "lingerie, toys, games, clothing, candy, travel and leisure, self improvement, fitness, cosmetics and so much more." (Specifically, "so much more" seems to mean an indoor "beer garden.")

The press release of the day, however, comes not from Canada's barren plains, but from the fertile imagination of Tom Prichard, president of the Minnesota Family Council. In his all-points-bulletin, the Grand Inquisitor of Minneapolis manages the not- insubstantial feat of raising the bogeymen of the Vikings love boat tour three separate times in four sentences. (Is he trying to drum up a special Turkey-Day cruise for the easily outraged Al and Alma?)

Without having met Tom Prichard, whose nickname is not "Peeping Tom," we have a hunch he's the kind of family guy who supports corporal punishment--as long as it's not between consenting adults. Here, without any more foreplay, is Prichard's release:

City of Minneapolis Criticized for Hosting "Sex and So Much More" Show at Minneapolis Convention Center

The city of Minneapolis had better insure the event doesn't become an on- land version of the Vikings' boat party orgy, says Group

MINNEAPOLIS--The Minnesota Family Council criticized the city of Minneapolis for hosting the November 17-20 "Sex and So Much More" Show and called upon the city to closely monitor the event to insure it's not an expanded version of the Viking's boat party orgy.

"We are very disappointed that the city is hosting the "Sex and So Much More" Show at the Minneapolis Convention Center," said Tom Prichard, President of the Minnesota Family Council. "I wonder whether the city did its due diligence to insure the event isn't an expanded on-land version of the Vikings' boat party orgy. Looking at the Show's webpage makes one wonder."

The Show describes itself as

"...an upscale consumer trade show that showcases everything and anything to do with sex, sensuality, romance, and self-improvement.

This stimulating show is exciting and alluring to an affluent, liberal minded audience.

We are hosting a forum that displays the hottest trends in the sex industry that will also include informative demonstrations, entertainment, and contests.

Sex no longer has to be taboo, we want to bring the intrigue and mystery into the open and into the bedroom (or wherever you choose to have your fun!)

We are dedicated to satiating the curiosity of singles and couples alike in a provocative yet non-threatening environment...

There will be hot entertainment and a beer garden, as well as fashion shows, contests, and appearances by famous adult celebrities."

"I trust Mayor Rybak and Police Chief McManus will insure the event doesn't violate Minnesota's obscenity laws," concluded Prichard.

Minnesota law explicitly prohibits actual or simulated public sex acts under Mn Stat. Sec. 617.241.

Posted by Michael Tortorello at November 16, 2005 1:48 PM | Comments (5)

 

Sorry-wrong-number department

Filed under: Correspondence

From an e-mail with the subject head: "Don't Be a Loser With Your Powerball Winnings":

Dear G.R.,

It's official. One lucky person holds the only winning ticket for the $340 million Powerball jackpot. Once the identity is known, the first question will certainly be what are you going to do with all that cash?

Jerry Webb, CFP, Chairman of Minnesota-based Webb Financial Group says that those who come into money should be careful of their first steps. "There is an inherent excitement that comes with the receipt of unexpected money and many make foolish mistakes."

Webb explains, "Take your sweet time. Sit down with professionals including a good financial advisor, lawyer and accountant to determine goals and create a sensible plan. In the meantime, place the windfall in a money market account where it will be safe until an action plan is in place."

Most of all, Webb advises against rash decisions such as immediately quitting one's job. "Remember, there's no rush. You'd much rather take your time in the beginning then turn around in a year or two and have loss a large of amount of money," asserts Webb.

Speak with Jerry Webb to discuss what individual's [SIC] should do with a large financial windfall. For an interview contact Bradd DelMuto at 610-642-8253 or email Bradd@GregoryFCA.com.

Thank you for your consideration.

Posted by G.R. Anderson Jr. at October 20, 2005 5:08 PM | Comments (1)