WCCO

The playground where "rape tag" happens

​A group of New Ulm elementary school students were busted playing "rape tag" on the playground earlier this month.

The game is similar to freeze tag, a child's game where someone tags you and you have to freeze until one of your teammates unfreezes you with a tag.

Except in "rape tag," you unfreeze someone by "humping" them, which is what a group of two dozen Washington Elementary School kids were caught doing last month.

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North Dakota has a bar and three women. Legendary.

​By now, you've no doubt heard about North Dakota's new "Legendary" ad campaign, which markets No-Dak as a state of skanks ready to have sex with any Tucker Max-clone willing to sit in a window and drink beer.

But that's not the only thing Legendary about North Dakota. You don't get a nationwide reputation as The Sexiest State in the Union™ just by rounding up three trollops in pastel dresses willing to stand outside the window of the only beer garden in town.

Which is why the North Dakota Tourism Board has taken the logical next step in its marketing campaign and released this list of the sexiest, most erotic -- dare we say, "Legendary?" -- sights to see in North Dakota.
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NoDak: Not exactly known for its nightlife.

​Earlier this week, North Dakota's tourism department spent a couple days trying to market the state as a Las Vegas-style hookup destination.

That went over about as well as anyone who has spent five minutes in Fargo would imagine. Within 48 hours the ad, which was meant to run in newspapers and magazines throughout the upper Midwest, disappeared.

Fortunately for those of us who like to laugh and snicker, the ad has been preserved in the fossil record, despite the tourism department's best effort to eliminate any trace of its entertainingly bad idea.

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www.nfl.com

If Michele Bachmann and Tim Tebow mated

​Have you ever wondered what the lovechild of Tim Tebow and Michele Bachmann would look like?

We haven't either! But somebody at NFL.com has been kept awake at night by that thought, and created a slideshow! And it turns out their kid would look just like Justin Bieber!

Somewhere, Marcus Bachmann is weeping softly into his pillow.
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Catholic League

Rebekah Nett's harsh words against Catholics might cost her $10,000

​The Catholic League wants a Minnesota lawyer disbarred for filing the craziest bankruptcy brief of all-time.

In the brief, filed November 25, attorney Rebekah Nett accuses Judge Nancy Dreher of being a "Catholic Knight Witch Hunter," declares that the court system is "composed of a bunch of ignoramus, bigoted Catholic beasts that carry the sword of the church," and even labels a bankruptcy trustee, Colin Kreuziger, "priest's boy."

Nett missed a hearing on November 17 because opposing counsel Nauni Manty had given her notice that it was set for 1:30 instead of 1. Nett and her client, Naomi Isaacson, took that to suggest a conspiracy by the judge and the other lawyers, who were "of the same race and religion."

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When septuagenarians attack.

​At a fund-raising luncheon for retired Canadian Football League players, two very old rivals took the stage to answer questions -- 74-year-old former defensive tackle and pro-wrestler Angelo Mosca, and 73-year-old Joe Kapp, a former Vikings quarterback.

Apparently, the men wanted to address a 50-year-old grudge between them right off the bat -- by attacking one another and tumbling from the stage.

Geezer fiiiiight!

The whole thing was caught on video and it's kind of amazing.

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Someone's idea of a joke.

​Late Friday night, the pastor at Historic Little Church of St. Joseph's in Plymouth thought he saw something moving in the church's darkened cemetery. The windows of his home look out on the historic graveyard and its 120 upright headstones, but in the gloom he couldn't make out what it was.

Early the next morning he walked out into the cemetery and was confronted by a scene of chaos.

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Common Cause

Carver County Republican Party: Auctioning legislators since 2011.

​Carver County Republicans had a bright idea for their first annual fundraiser: Bring in U.S. congressmen and powerful state legislators, then auction off access to them.

"Tired of the same old golf fundraisers?!" Joe Emmett O'Brien, Vice-Chair of the Carver County GOP, wrote in a fundraising email. "Bid, online auction style, for an exclusive opportunity to be one of just five people on a shotgun sporting clays course walk/shoot" with "your favorite legislator."

But something has changed since the party sent out that fundraising pitch Tuesday afternoon. The party took down the auction, and is distancing itself from the event. City Pages called O'Brien to ask about it and he denied that any online auction was ever going to take place, blaming the original setup on "configuration" issues.

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Michele Bachmann wishes Elvis "Happy Birthday" on the anniversary of his death.

​Michele Bachmann wished Elvis Presley "Happy Birthday!" on the anniversary of his death, providing yet another glimpse into how oblivious she really is behind those wild eyes.

"Before we get started, let's all say happy birthday to Elvis Presley today!" Bachmann announced to the South Carolina crowd after coming out to the Presley's "Promised Land."

But she got August 16--the date of the King's death in 1977--confused with his birthday (January 8, 1935).More >>

Teresa Boardman

The Wabasha Street Bridge is a lovely sight unless you're falling off of it.

​Stefon Banks was out for a late-night stroll with some friends when they started to cross the Wabasha Street Bridge in downtown St. Paul.

At some point, it was imperative that the 20-year-old get from one side of the bridge to the other. So he decided to leave the pedestrian walkway and lope across the four traffic lanes to the other side.

Only one problem: There's an 8-foot gap between the northbound and southbound lanes. Banks did not know this.

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