People of Madison: These folks probably aren't dead. They're just enjoying something we haven't been able to in a while -- the warm sun.

Here's a sure sign you've just lived through a too-long winter: You see somebody lying around outside under the sun, and your first thought is Oh my God is that person dead?!

SEE ALSO: Wisconsin is stupid, says Google auto-complete

In fact, so many people in Madison placed calls to police to share their concern about the well-being of sunbathers on Monday and Tuesday that a dispatcher asked a Madison.com reporter to "Please tell cellphone users that people lying in the grass are not necessarily dead."

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A crash-landed loon rehabs in a Wisconsin bathtub.

Image you're a migrating loon headed north for the summer. All of the sudden, you find yourself thinking what the hell? as you fly into a nasty, unseasonal ice storm. And next thing you know, you wake up in some random human's bathtub.

SEE ALSO: Minnesota Zoo selling unintentionally (?) morbid shirts in tribute of relocated dolphins

That's the fate that befell some of the more than 50 loons who tried to fly through a nasty ice storm late last week but ended up freezing in midair.

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Image by Tatiana Craine

In hindsight, the kid should've just said he had a migrane.

Yesterday, all Prescott School District after-school activities were canceled after a high schooler in the western Wisconsin community reported receiving two threatening texts from a man he said he met in St. Paul.

SEE ALSO: Woman who allegedly sent Billy Joel's daughter threatening emails found naked in MN woods

The student told school officials the man texted him at about 3 p.m. and said he was on his way to Prescott High School and would harm him once he arrived. Officials alerted police and the decision was made to send students home as a precaution.

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Screengrabs from WITI's Dougie video, including an image of Duria dancing at the scene of the fire (far left)

Chuck Steinmetz, president of Milwaukee's WITI-TV Fox 6 TV channel, has apologized after one of his reporters filmed a comedy vignette last Friday at the scene of a fire in Milwaukee's West Allis neighborhood that killed three children.

SEE ALSO: Fox 9 led last night's 10 o'clock newscast with a real head-scratcher of a story [VIDEO]

Video of the vignette has been removed from the internet, but the image at the top of this post features a screengrab of reporter Angelica Duria doing the "Dougie" at the scene of the tragedy.

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Image by Tatiana Craine

A group of Wisconsin men are in trouble for filming themselves playing dress-up with a deer.

Dudes in Wisconsin must be really, really bored.

SEE ALSO: Donna the Deer Lady seriously believes deer crossing signs are like crosswalks for deer [AUDIO]

A group of at least five men face $303 fines from the Wisconsin DNR after they posted footage to YouTube of themselves laughing and having a grand ol' time while forcibly putting a T-shirt on an Oak Creek deer.

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Phares (right) was left with serious facial injuries after an alleged assault by a co-worker's husband.

Timothy Phares is gay. He works as a server at the Applebee's in Rice Lake, Wisconsin, and during the early morning hours of March 17 he was brutally attacked by a co-worker's husband in a Perkins parking lot.

SEE ALSO: MN for Marriage seeks removal of fair vendor who said she spit in Vote Yes guy's lemonade

According to Phares's account of the incident, moments before he got blasted in the head with a 2 x 4, the alleged assailant, 36-year-old Rien Hendricks, told him: "Fucking faggot, I'm going to kill you." Phares's co-worker was with her husband at the time and witnessed the incident, though she hasn't been charged with any crimes.

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From now on, you'll just have to get your Wisconsin nudie beach fix on the weekends.

Last year, the Wisconsin DNR closed the forest around the Mazo nudie beach in hopes of curtailing sex and drugs (at least rock n' roll wasn't a problem). But that didn't do the trick, so now the DNR has gone with the nuclear option -- closing the beach during the week.

SEE ALSO: DNR finds man tied to trees, blindfolded, waiting for anonymous sex in suburban Mpls park

"Our ultimate goal is to have a safe place anybody can feel comfortable using," DNR supervisor Nate Kroeplin told the AP. "And with the current activity going on down there, that's just not the case."

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Pridemore is running for one of Wisconsin's top education posts, yet apparently hasn't yet mastered apostrophe usage.

Wisconsin state Rep. Don Pridemore, R-Hartford, is taking heat for blacklisting five reporters for seemingly no good reason. But perhaps he should be taking more heat for apparently being oblivious of the difference between "liberals" and "liberal's."

SEE ALSO: Wisconsin reporter impersonator has fetish for women lifting women

Pridemore is campaigning to become superintendent of Wisconsin's Department of Public Instruction, and a memo leaked from his campaign to the Madison Capital Times reveals he instructed staffers not to give interviews or even return the calls of a handful of reporters he deemed to be ideological enemies.

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Image by Tatiana Craine -- Flickr pic from vlasta2

He couldn't have at least headed for a bathroom stall or something?

Six months after a Wisconsin man was arrested for humping a discarded couch alongside a street, another was apprehended this week after he pleasured himself in the middle of a public library.

SEE ALSO: Obsessed Wisconsin man breaks into love interest's apartment, demands bras and panties

Apparently, Wisconsinites can't even get their rocks off without generating bizarre headlines.

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Image by Tatiana Craine

Zielinski (left) has been demoted after linking Scott Walker and Jeffrey Dahmer (right) in a series of tweets.

It's a lesson former MNGOP Senate Bob Koss learned the hard way a few months ago -- things you say on Twitter can cost you your job.

SEE ALSO: Wisconsin lost more jobs than any other state over last year

The latest example comes courtesy of the Land of Cheese, where Democratic Party spokesman Graeme Zielinski has been removed from his post following a Twitter rant where he compared Gov. Scott Walker to notorious Wisconsin serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer.

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