Salon.com recently investigated the internet rumor that presidential candidate Howard Dean had a bit part in the 1984 movie "Ninja III: The Domination," about "a beautiful '80s aerobics practitioner possessed by the spirit of a ninja slain on a golf course." Dean denies he played the bit part of a policeman thrown from a helicopter in the scene directly following the one shown above, but that hasn't stopped the desperate calvalcade of Democratic presidential contenders from trying to score some points of their own. Field offices quickly fired off press releases about their candidates own brushes with Hollywood fame. The first three releases are shown below, the rest will be posted tomorrow.
John Kerry for President Campaign, Press Release 01/14/04 -- John Kerry as president will capture your imagination and your heart, just as he did playing that wise old tree herder Treebeard in "Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers." He would have gathered a coalition, just like the ents, before deciding to go to war with the Sauron of our time, Saddam Hussein!
Wesley Clark in '04, Press Release 01/17/04 -- Not only did Wesley Clark fight valiantly in Vietnam during the turbulent 60s, he threw himself into a little international espionage - an espionage of laughs! Yes, he had to shave his head twice a week, but I think we all recall our future Commander in Chief as "Chief" on "Get Smart!"
John Edwards for President, Campaign HQ Press Release 01/18/04 -- Anyone who knows this good ol' boy knows he's about good old-fashioned small-town, hillbilly values. What you may not know is that John and his twin brother, Skeeter, used to perform heart-rending hymns and boot-stompin' country music back in the 1970s as the Hager Brothers! Those two country cutie-pies from Hee Haw in their matching overalls could touch your heart with a beloved mountain spiritual, that is, when they weren't eating Lulu's cherry pie off the window sill! On a sad note, John and Skeeter were replaced on "Hee Haw" in 1975 with another set of twins when Skeeter had one too many gulps of Grandpa Jones' 'shine and got caught in the cornfield with a Hee Haw honey. It was rumored the Gospel Quartet took him "hunting" one day and no one heard from Skeeter again. Let's win this one fer Skeeter!
More Democratic candidate press releases tomorrow!