August 2004

Swift Yacht Vets for Bush

Filed under: American Idle

John Kerry isn't the only candidate with a Band of Brothers! Below are the storyboards for the latest Bush-Cheney commercial, featuring the Swift Yacht Vets for Bush.

"I remember one time we got stranded out in Goosefair Bay and ran out of gin. We were up to our eyeballs in limes and tonic. Wouldn't ya know, here comes George W. Bush on the Laura II with a relief shipment of Tanqueray. By God, he saved a few lives that day!"

"George W. Bush and I were with some of our frat boys cruising along the coast near Kennebunkport, when some Harvard dandies cruised right up to our yacht and started ribbing us about the color of the placemats at my sister's coming out party. Well, before I knew what happend, George grabbed a bottle of champange and popped the cork, hitting Chatsworth right in the gut. Both boats grabbed every champagne bottle we could find and began firing the corks at each other. When the battle was over, George lifted up his sleeve to show me where he had been hit. 'You're gonna get a Purple Heart for that one, Georgie,' I told him. He just smirked and said, 'It hit my arm, dumbshit, that's nowhere near my heart!' I tellya, I had to swim back to shore after that one, but it taught me a life lesson."

"Leadership. I'll tell you about the leadership of George W. Bush. Summer of '71, a group of us were out on the yacht having a few cocktails when things got a little heated. My cousin and one of Georgie's Yale buddies, Lumpy Thornton, started fighting and Lumpy fell overboard. Lumpy was splashing in the water, gasping for air. Georgie didn't have to think twice: he got behind the wheel and we made our way back to shore. He got right out of the boat, even before it was tied up, and walked straight over to his mother Barbara and told her to call Lumpy's parents and tell them Lumpy was dead."

"George W. Bush has never stood down from a challenge, especially where his comrades are concerned. My twin brother Cornell, George, and I were tearing up the bay when a patrol boat started chasing us. Cornell wanted to try to out-run them with the new engine we had just put in, but Georgie said, 'No, we gotta face the music, boys.' Cornell stopped the boat and one of the officers boarded the Tricky Wendell. Georgie calmly welcomed the officer aboard, and stated he was Congressman Bush's son. The officer tipped his cap and wished us a good day. When faced with running away or staying and fighting, Georgie never flinched. He taught me the true meaning of character on that day."

Posted by Corey Anderson at August 24, 2004 9:17 AM

Take me to the Action News, drop me in the Consumer Reports

Filed under: American Idle

Has anyone ever moved to another city just for the newscast? This guy's in Houston, but I'd follow him around like he was Phish.

Posted by Corey Anderson at August 20, 2004 8:59 AM

Nice gratuitous Olympic ass shot from Yahoo

Filed under: American Idle

Look closely to see if you can find the volleyball in this picture.

Posted by Corey Anderson at August 17, 2004 11:47 AM

Thud...

Filed under: American Idle

Posted by Corey Anderson at August 12, 2004 6:58 AM

Coming soon...

Filed under: American Idle

Posted by Corey Anderson at August 11, 2004 6:29 AM

Olympic Mascots: doomed to be forever lame?

Filed under: American Idle

Posted by Corey Anderson at August 10, 2004 12:49 PM

President mysteriously focuses on more pudding for babies during stump speeches

Filed under: American Idle

Republican operatives have become concerned over a new initiative President Bush has been aggressively pushing in his stump speeches. Speech writers are flummoxed as the president skims past his talking points on fighting terrorism and job growth, and seems to go straight to promoting feeding babies more pudding, specifically chocolate. Secret Service agents have been restricting the president's exposure to toddlers suspected of possessing psychic powers until the situation is resolved.

Posted by Corey Anderson at August 6, 2004 10:15 AM

The Best of Morley Safer now on DVD!

Filed under: American Idle

Who could forget that dust-up with the prince regent of Azerbaijan? Or the time he shared a few laughs over pinochle with Joey Bishop?

Those highlights and more can be found on The Best of Morley Safer, now on DVD! Thirty-plus years of 60 Minutes highlights compiled on a one-DVD set the whole family will enjoy!

It's hard-hitting journalism for mom and dad, and wacky bloopers for the kids. Who can forget the time Morley had a sneezing fit during his exclusive interview with Anwar Sadat? You'll be able to relive these memories over and over again thanks to the power of DVD technology.

Order now and you'll get a coupon for $10 off The Best of Steve Kroft.

Posted by Corey Anderson at August 4, 2004 6:48 AM

White House trades Cheney for Gugliotta

Filed under: American Idle

Posted by Corey Anderson at August 3, 2004 6:52 AM

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