September 2004

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

Red Cross stands by to assist in any debate foot-in-mouth injuries

Filed under: American Idle

It was announced today that American Red Cross EMTs would be on hand tonight to assist the President of the United States should he sustain any injuries putting his foot in his mouth.

Posted by Corey Anderson at September 30, 2004 1:24 PM

 

Now playing in the Afghani theater near you

Filed under: American Idle

Posted by Corey Anderson at September 27, 2004 7:08 AM

 

Match Game D.C.: Someone's going to the Bonus Round!

Filed under: American Idle

"Dumb George is so dumb (How dumb is he?) ... Dumb George is so dumb, he selected as his nominee for CIA Director a guy named BLANK."

Posted by Corey Anderson at September 24, 2004 7:16 AM

 

Order "A Child's ABCs of Terrorism" poster by Steve Perry

Filed under: American Idle

"A Child's ABCs of Terrorism" by City Pages Editor Steve Perry will help your child understand the world we live in, and keep them occupied while you search for your secret Vicodin stash in the pantry. Order it for only $10 at the City Pages Online Store.

Posted by Corey Anderson at September 23, 2004 9:32 AM

 

"A tour de force!" raves the Omaha Courier

Filed under: American Idle

Posted by Corey Anderson at September 22, 2004 9:28 AM

 

Bush begins using hand puppet to deliver difficult news to the nation

Filed under: American Idle

On Monday, President Bush introduced Kibbles, a cuddly and furry hand puppet, which he will use to soften bad news about the economy, Iraq, domestic security, and other difficult topics. Kibbles instilled a light and playful mood during the president's recent press conference on the mounting casualties in Iraq, and plans on wearing a little yellow hard hat when the August job numbers are released later this week.

Posted by Corey Anderson at September 20, 2004 1:34 PM

 

This could revive the franchise... get Silverman on the phone!

Filed under: American Idle

Posted by Corey Anderson at September 15, 2004 6:38 AM

 

I pledge allegiance... to barbecue ribs!!!

Filed under: American Idle

Posted by Corey Anderson at September 14, 2004 9:03 AM

 

Edwin the Evil Lemur at the MN State Fair, Part 5

Filed under: American Idle

That rambunctious rodent Edwin the Evil Lemur recently skattitly-doinked off to the Great Minnesota Get-Together for a little mischief and a whole lotta food! No one was safe from the lemur lunacies brought forth on that fateful day.

Sadly, Edwin had to listen to the entire broadcast, as his sticky ass affixed itself to the side of the building. Thankfully gravity finally did its thing.

Tragedy nearly struck in the animal barn, when Edwin was accidently caged and entered in the bunny contest. He cherished the "Participant" ribbon for three seconds, then wiped his ass with it.

Edwin's current fair food intake has begun to back up in his esophagus.

Sadly, Kermit learns the Edwin Bad Touch Lesson all too early in life.

Nine out of ten Edwin Life Experiences end over the toilet.

Posted by Corey Anderson at September 12, 2004 10:43 AM

 

Edwin the Evil Lemur at the MN State Fair, Part 4

Filed under: American Idle

That rambunctious rodent Edwin the Evil Lemur recently skattitly-doinked off to the Great Minnesota Get-Together for a little mischief and a whole lotta food! No one was safe from the lemur lunacies brought forth on that fateful day.

Edwin rests in the shadow of Cawtier, the god of clothed fowl.

With this Sno-Cone, Edwin sends his snacking items into double digits!

Few recall what Jesse Ventura looked like before he went bald and straight.

It would have worked to, if Edwin were not two feet from the gas pedal.

Edwin was hoping eating the messy s'more would cover up the fact he shit himself on Dan Patch Ave. after eating a deep-fried candy bar.

Watch for part five tomorrow!

Posted by Corey Anderson at September 9, 2004 12:41 PM

 

Edwin the Evil Lemur at the MN State Fair, Part 3

Filed under: American Idle

That rambunctious rodent Edwin the Evil Lemur recently skattitly-doinked off to the Great Minnesota Get-Together for a little mischief and a whole lotta food! No one was safe from the lemur lunacies brought forth on that fateful day.

While rubber mallets are Edwin's preferred weapon of choice when 'wilding,' his prowess in the rubber frog launch leaves alot to be desired.

Good to see the rest of the Baldwins are finding work.

Edwin successfully reached the adult beverage area.

The Purple Shooter contest loosened up everyone.

Edwin was escorted from the Penny Arcade when he simply began grabbing at frightened out-of-towners.

Watch for part four tomorrow!

Posted by Corey Anderson at September 8, 2004 11:53 AM

 

Edwin the Evil Lemur at the MN State Fair, Part 2

Filed under: American Idle

That rambunctious rodent Edwin the Evil Lemur recently skattitly-doinked off to the Great Minnesota Get-Together for a little mischief and a whole lotta food! No one was safe from the lemur lunacies brought forth on that fateful day.

It would have taken $78 in quarters to get this thing off the fairgrounds, so the idea was squelched.

Edwin found a brief glimpse of joy in his life when he made a bubble come out of his nostril.

It was all really cute, until Edwin dived into his famed 80's hair band medley.

Not quite one for the portfolio.

Watch for part three tomorrow!

Posted by Corey Anderson at September 7, 2004 7:09 AM

 

Edwin the Evil Lemur at the MN State Fair, Part 1

Filed under: American Idle

That rambunctious rodent Edwin the Evil Lemur recently skattitly-doinked off to the Great Minnesota Get-Together for a little mischief and a whole lotta food! No one was safe from the lemur lunacies brought forth on that fateful day.

Edwin misconstrues an arcade game for a bordello of narcoleptic floozies.

Let the chowing down commence!

Edwin learns a hard lesson when he tests his manhood against modern technology.

Edwin never neglects his politics, especially when it involves his favorite jones.

Watch for part two tomorrow!

Posted by Corey Anderson at September 6, 2004 9:04 AM

 

Dixiecrat goes nutzoid!

Filed under: American Idle

Republican delegates were stunned and slightly amused last night when Dixiecrat Zell Miller's frenzied and exasperating speech culminated in him grabbing John Kerry's disembodied head, ripping the back of its skull off with his dentures and eating his brains. Gray matter and chunks of old-man spittle covered the first three rows of delegates, who were holding up a plastic tarp as if they were at a Gallagher show. Miller was then led off stage by thunderous applause, having caught the scent of Mary Cheney in the Vice President's skybox.

Posted by Corey Anderson at September 2, 2004 10:44 AM

 

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »