A recently-completed study by the Rudy Perpich Political Psychology Institute attempts to give us a glimpse into the mind of that rarest of breeds, the 2004 Undecided Voter. Most of the supposed 17% of the undecided population completed comprehensive testing using a wide range of profiling techniques. The insights below may reveal the character of that person who just can't seem to make up their mind in the most devisive election in U.S. history.
The Undecided Voter would prefer to wear soft and fuzzy down-lined bunny slippers when relaxing in front of the television at night.
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The Undecided Voter was also enamored at the Biblical significance two-by-fours nailed to the bottoms of their feet would provide.
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The Undecided Voter thinks a chocolate ice cream cone would be a pleasant treat on a hot summer day.
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The Undecided Voter also feels their electrolytes would be replenished with a twelve-ounce glass of warm urine filled with gorgonzola-stuffed jalapeno peppers.
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The Undecided Voter feels a sense of pride and satisfaction when thinking about their spouse, and the children they are raising together.
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The Undecided Voter was also open to the idea of having their family shot execution-style right in front of their eyes. It would make for a great book and probably get them on the Oprah show.
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The Undecided Voter enjoys many of the action-oriented films produced by large Hollywood movie companies.
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The Undecided Voter also found visual stimulation in being locked up in a holding cell at 3 a.m. on a Saturday night after a big meth lab bust, with only a grate in the floor for a restroom.
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The Undecided Voter believes passing away during a peaceful night's sleep would be a preferable way to go.
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The Undecided Voter also admitted a thrill at the thought of being hurled out of a rolling charter bus leaving Branson, Missouri, at four in the morning after the 77-year-old driver had fallen asleep.
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