November 2004

American Idle Exclusive: Time's Person of the Year 2004 cover

Filed under: American Idle

An American Idle operative, who volunteered to have his left eye removed and a Konica DiMAGE E201 jammed snugly into the empty socket, captured this photo of the most highly-anticipated magazine issue of the year, Time's Person of the Year! Other candidates included Karl Rove, George W. Bush, "The Undecided Voter," and that "Can you hear me now?" guy. This is the first time an appendage has earned the honor since 1985 when "America's Under-Arm Fat" epitomized that era's fitness craze. The first appendage honored was in 1915 when silent film star Harold Lloyd's crow's feet graced the cover.

Posted by Corey Anderson at November 30, 2004 6:53 AM

America's Next Top Democrat

Filed under: American Idle

Sizzlin' Tyra Banks hosts C-SPAN's hottest new reality show, where we see who's going to be America's Next Top Democrat! We're down to five contestants... let's meet 'em!

Hillary Rodham Clinton Age: 57 years old Hometown: Chicago, Illinois Occupation: New York Senator Favorite Movies: "Mr. Smith Goes to Washintgon," "Fatal Attraction" Favorite Magazines: The New Yorker, Bojiggly Favorite Food: shit sandwiches Favorite Book: "Using Adultery to Your Advantage" by Ivana Trump Other: Can fake a pretty good smile under even the most humiliating of circumstances; Can wear almost any hairstyle to equally tepid effect.

Barack Obama Age: 43 years old Hometown: Honolulu, Hawaii Occupation: Illinois Senator-elect Favorite Movies: "Inherit the Wind," "Critters II" Favorite Magazines: Chicago Monthly, Star Trek Communicator Favorite Food: Chicago-style hot dog, diet Fresca, onion blossom Favorite Book: "Smiling Your Way to the Upper Middle" by John Edwards Other: Does incredible Tony Dungy impersonation; Can still fit into his high school band uniform.

Tom Vilsack Age: 53 years old Hometown: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania Occupation: Iowa Governor Favorite Movies: "Field of Dreams," "Caligula" Favorite Magazines: Farm Journal, Cat Fancy Favorite Food: Refreshing wintergreen Certs Favorite Book: "Go from Governor of a Crappy Little State to the Presidency" by William J. Clinton Other: Fools most elementary students with the coin-behind-the-ear trick; Considered sexy by Iowa standards.

John Edwards Age: 51 years old Hometown: Seneca, South Carolina Occupation: out-going North Carolina Senator Favorite Movies: "The Natural," "Knotting Hill" Favorite Magazines: Atlantic Monthly, Cracked Favorite Food: BBQ potato chips with Cheez-Whiz Favorite Book: "Stop Being a Big Dumb Loser, Ya Stupid Idiot" by Terry Bradshaw Other: Still the prettiest Edwards at the Edwards family reunions; Invented the tractor-shaped mailbox.

Howard Dean, M.D. Age: 56 years old Hometown: New York City, New York Occupation: former Vermont Governor Favorite Movies: "Born on the Fourth of July," "Cinderfella" Favorite Magazines: Mother Jones, Straps 'n' Belts Favorite Food: Red Bull and blackberry brandy Favorite Book: "Yelling Feels Good" by Bobby Knight Other: Has successfully delivered 34 babies and 12 calves; Charter member Montpelier Boggle Club.

Who will be America's Next Top Democrat! Tune in for the next four years to find out!

Posted by Corey Anderson at November 22, 2004 6:57 AM

Bush names Spellings education secretary because of her last name

Filed under: American Idle

President George W. Bush announced his nomination of Margaret Spellings to be the new Secretary of Education at the White House November 17. "Her last name is Spellings, and that's one of the things we're trying for our kids to learn," the president said during his introductory remarks. Spellings, currently the White House domestic policy adviser, will replace Rodney Paige, whose last name is what schoolbooks are filled with.

Posted by Corey Anderson at November 18, 2004 9:40 AM

Snoop Dubya Dubb and posse get their post-election freak on

Filed under: American Idle

President Bush, or Snoop Dubya Dubb as he's known in the clubs, hung with his peeps last night to get his post-election drink on. "I wish O.D.B. could have been here to represent," Dubya Dubb declared as he poured some beer on the ground for his homey.

Posted by Corey Anderson at November 16, 2004 7:22 AM

In the Kingdom of Far Far Awry

Filed under: American Idle

Energy Secretary Spencer Abraham refused on Nov. 10, 2004 to say whether he wants to remain for President Bush's second term. Abraham's tenure has been punctuated with record high crude oil and gasoline prices, and some energy experts say he has not done the best job explaining to the public how the administration plans to tackle the country's energy problems. President Bush also showed concern that Secretary Abraham was keeping a talking donkey in his office during business hours.

Posted by Corey Anderson at November 12, 2004 6:58 AM

Paul McCartney last remaining Beatle

Filed under: American Idle

Posted by Corey Anderson at November 11, 2004 10:06 AM

Open call for holiday job stories

Filed under: American Idle

For many of us, the holidays offer a respite from work--a six-week snooze when the only business to be done is running a Secret Santa pool. But there's another army, clad in red and green, laboring overtime to whip up the eggnog. For every sleigh ride, someone spent a spent a season shoveling out the bottom of Rudolph's stable.

Now's your chance to tell us about your own dark nights before Christmas. Have you been the Santa at Maplewood Mall for the past twenty years? Taught Kwanzaa songs to a beastly children's choir? Worked the return desk at Marshall Field�s on December 26? Have you been behind the wheel of a snowplow at 3:00 a.m. on Christmas morning?

We want to hear your stories!

City Pages is looking for true, first-person tales about holiday jobs. Our plan is to run your accounts in our Winter Issue, which hits newsstands on December 8. (Some pieces will likely run online.) The ideal length is between 150-450 words. THE DEADLINE IS TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 23, or thereabouts.

Be colorful and concise. Ever been fired on Christmas eve? Ever had a boss cuss you out in front of tiny tots for not evincing the proper Christmas cheer? Ever find brotherhood in trying to love your fellow gift wrapper, in all his wretchedness and misery? For a look at a somewhat similar collection about summer jobs, see:

http://www.citypages.com/databank/25/1227/article12182.asp

Please send your stories to: mtortorello@citypages.com; and canderson@citypages.com. Also, please forward this message to friends and family whose winter work deserves to be shared with a wider audience. Along with your story, please include your age and hometown, and an email address for any questions.

Happy Holidays from City Pages. Now get back to the workshop, you lazy elves!

Corey Anderson
Online Managing Editor
City Pages

Posted by Corey Anderson at November 9, 2004 2:05 PM

Bush starts redecorating the Oval Office

Filed under: American Idle

Posted by Corey Anderson at November 8, 2004 10:50 AM

Now showing... for the next four years

Filed under: American Idle

Posted by Corey Anderson at November 5, 2004 7:09 AM

Now... where was I?

Filed under: American Idle

Oh, yeah... making fun of W! Four more years! Four more years! Four more years!

Posted by Corey Anderson at November 4, 2004 7:10 AM

And so it continues...

Filed under: American Idle

Still blogging on the election site. Click on the graphic above to visit.

Posted by Corey Anderson at November 3, 2004 6:54 AM

W=L

Filed under: American Idle

The Curse of the W?

Posted by Corey Anderson at November 1, 2004 7:02 AM

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