October 2005

« September 2005 | Main | November 2005 »

Painting of Bubba attempts to score with Alito's daughter

Filed under: American Idle

The presidential portrait of Bill Clinton attempted to score with Judge Samuel A. Alito Jr.'s daughter, Laura, during this morning's Supreme Court nominating ceremony. Apparently, the lack of a third dimension did not allow him to get beyond his patented "comforting hand on the shoulder" move. Alito also appears to be married to Joan Mondale circa 1982.

Posted by Corey Anderson at October 31, 2005 1:16 PM | Comments (1)

 

American Idle Friday Random Ten (10/28)

Filed under: Friday Random Ten

Joining Rox Pop, TBogg, Pharyngula, and Feministe, (while Gisleson FARTs into his couch cushions) here's the American Idle Friday Random Ten:

1. Knuckles - The Hold Steady
2. The Passion of Lovers - Bauhaus
3. Mental Notes - Split Enz
4. String Quartet in F Major - Maurice Ravel
5. Lemon Meringue - Fishbone
6. Micro Kid - Level 42
7. Happiness is a Warm Gun - The Beatles
8. Beautiful Enemy - Dar Williams
9. Stand By Me - The Blind Boys of Alabama
10. The Dark of the Matinee - Franz Ferdinand

Posted by Corey Anderson at October 28, 2005 6:59 AM | Comments (0)

 

ExxonMobil releases oil reserves from CEO's chin

Filed under: American Idle

AP -- Exxon Mobil Corp. had a quarter for the record books. The world's largest publicly traded oil company said Thursday high oil and natural-gas prices helped its third-quarter profit surge almost 75 percent to $9.92 billion, the largest quarterly profit for a U.S. company ever, and it was the first to ring up more than $100 billion in quarterly sales.

Congratulations. We're just really, really happy for you guys. Hope I don't shatter my frozen fingers applauding your impending fourth-quarter earnings.

Posted by Corey Anderson at October 27, 2005 11:58 AM | Comments (0)

 

Miers withdraws Supreme Court nomination

Filed under: American Idle

Posted by Corey Anderson at October 27, 2005 11:25 AM | Comments (0)

 

Reassigned NYT reporter now embedded with Brangelina says, "They're just friends!"

Filed under: American Idle

Posted by Corey Anderson at October 25, 2005 8:59 AM | Comments (1)

 

Bush names some guy standing in the hallway new Fed Chairman

Filed under: American Idle

Later today, President Bush will announce Alan Greenspan's successor as Federal Reserve Board Chairman. The pick is rumored to be Ethan Granstrom, a veterinarian from Columbus, Ohio, who was on a tour of the White House when Bush came strolling by and plucked him out of the bathroom line. "I took one look at those smarty-pants glasses and knew this guy would know about money!" Bush declared.

UPDATE: It's come to my attention that this is American Idle blog post # 666... bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!

Posted by Corey Anderson at October 24, 2005 10:56 AM | Comments (0)

 

In an effort to improve their response time, FEMA announced today that state and local government in Florida will be responsible for delays in the aftermath of Wilma

Filed under: American Idle

Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff spoke to a Senate Committee this morning about FEMA's lackluster response in the aftermath of Hurricane Wilma, which is expected to hit Florida Monday morning. "We have plans in place to blame the governor, and, depending on where it hits, either the mayor of Miami or the mayor of Fort Lauderdale," Chertoff stated.

Posted by Corey Anderson at October 21, 2005 2:04 PM | Comments (0)

 

American Idle Friday Random Ten (10/21)

Filed under: Friday Random Ten

Joining Rox Pop, TBogg, Pharyngula, and Feministe, (while Gisleson FARTs into his couch cushions) here's the American Idle Friday Random Ten:

1. Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World - Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwo'ole
2. The Big Issue - Chumbawamba
3. Are You A Hypnotist?? - The Flaming Lips
4. Ten Little Kids - The Jayhawks
5. Sexuality - Billy Bragg
6. Indian War Whoop - John Hartford
7. She's Electric - Oasis
8. Let's Get It Up - Hayseed Dixie
9. Closer To Me - Dar Williams
10. How Could Anybody Possibly Know How I Feel? - Morrissey

Posted by Corey Anderson at October 21, 2005 6:42 AM | Comments (0)

 

Bush shows off actual World's Smallest Violin he plays whenever anyone bitches about the state of the nation

Filed under: American Idle

Posted by Corey Anderson at October 20, 2005 3:35 PM | Comments (0)

 

Bush blue tie gaffe offends White Guys with Red Ties during Oval Office gathering

Filed under: American Idle

In what should have been a PR no-brainer, President Bush was to meet with the conservative White Guys in Red Ties Club, a major donor to both presidential campaigns. Gasps filled the room when the president strolled into the Oval Office to greet club officers and the press wearing what appeared to be a blue necktie. "It was a slap in the face, I tell ya," groused Second Vice President H. Barnett Worthington, "especially to our treasurer Coleman Chesterton, who's wheelchair-bound and had to face that damn blue tie the whole time!"

Posted by Corey Anderson at October 20, 2005 10:38 AM | Comments (0)

 

The Vikings watch film following their recent loss to Chicago

Filed under: American Idle

Posted by Corey Anderson at October 17, 2005 4:33 PM | Comments (0)

 

They're (still) theeeeeeere

Filed under: American Idle

Posted by Corey Anderson at October 17, 2005 9:35 AM | Comments (0)

 

Meanwhile, back at the White House...

Filed under: American Idle

...President Bush calls upon his aquatic friends, the manatee and the bottle-nose dolphin, to create a large wave that will wash away the reporters sitting in front of him asking him questions about Karl Rove and Harriet Miers.

Posted by Corey Anderson at October 14, 2005 4:40 PM | Comments (0)

 

American Idle Friday Random Ten (10/14)

Filed under: Friday Random Ten

Joining Rox Pop, TBogg, Pharyngula, and Feministe, (while Gisleson FARTs into his couch cushions) here's the American Idle Friday Random Ten:

1. Jimmy Carter - Electric Six
2. Concrete Sky - Beth Orton
3. The World's Address - They Might Be Giants
4. All Around the World - The Jam
5. Ridiculous Thoughts - The Cranberries
6. Girlfriend Again - Faux Jean
7. The Few - Billy Bragg
8. Safe - Travis
9. Holiday Snag - The Pixies
10. Will Never Marry - Morrissey

Posted by Corey Anderson at October 14, 2005 7:03 AM | Comments (0)

 

Arkansas mother gives birth to 16th child

Filed under: Cracker Watch

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. - Michelle Duggar just delivered her 16th child, and she's already thinking about doing it again. Arkansans loves them their marital sex, that's for sure. Husband Jim Bob, yes... it's Jim Bob, a former state representative, stated, "We both just love children and we consider each a blessing from the Lord. I have asked Michelle if she wants more and she said yes, if the Lord wants to give us some she will accept them." See, Jim Bob, can I call you Jim Bob? Of course I can, because it's your first, or first and middle names. Jim Bob, the Lord doesn't "give you" babies like he's handing out submarine sandwich coupons as you exit a baseball game, you actually impregnate your wife when you have sexual relations with her and don't use a condom. Maybe you should at least vaguely pass that info along to the four of your 16 kids that are now old enough for the Lord to "give them" babies.

Posted by Corey Anderson at October 13, 2005 9:41 AM | Comments (4)

 

When photo ops go wrong...

Filed under: American Idle

Posted by Corey Anderson at October 12, 2005 1:03 PM | Comments (0)

 

President turns Oval Office into planetarium for Laser Floyd shows

 

Posted by Corey Anderson at October 10, 2005 3:02 PM | Comments (2)

 

Extreme Makeover edition of the Drudge Report

Click on image to enlarge...

Posted by Corey Anderson at October 7, 2005 5:46 PM | Comments (0)

 

There's only one reference that counts

Filed under: American Idle

Posted by Corey Anderson at October 7, 2005 2:26 PM | Comments (0)

 

American Idle Friday Random Ten (10/07)

Filed under: Friday Random Ten

Joining Rox Pop, TBogg, Pharyngula, and Feministe, (while Gisleson FARTs into his couch cushions) here's the American Idle Friday Random Ten:

1. Shake Me Baby - Junior Senior
2. Peace, Love & Understanding - Elvis Costello
3. The Dark of the Matinee - Franz Ferdinand
4. Girl On The Wing - The Shins
5. I Am Weary (Let Me Rest) - The Cox Family
6. Violent Love - A House
7. Swing the Heartache - Bauhaus
8. Turn and Run - Neil Finn
9. You Better Be Doubtful - The Housemartins
10. Time of No Reply - Nick Drake

Posted by Corey Anderson at October 7, 2005 7:06 AM | Comments (0)

 

Bush nominates geriatric spitfire Madame to the Supreme Court

In a Beltway shocker, President Bush nominated octagenarian chanteuse Madame to replace Sandra Day O'Connor on our nation's highest court. "If anyone saw her on the Hollywood Squares or Madame's Place, ya know she can judge! Heh, heh..." stated the president in a brief and uncomfortable press conference. Contrary to popular belief, if confirmed, Madame would not be the first puppet a president ever sent to the Supreme Court.

Posted by Corey Anderson at October 4, 2005 6:05 PM | Comments (0)

 

Special Grand Jury Edition just in time for Christmas!

Click on the image below to enlarge:

Posted by Corey Anderson at October 3, 2005 8:57 AM | Comments (0)

 

« September 2005 | Main | November 2005 »