"What's the likely endpoint? Marriage may be redefined out of existence, and replaced by a flexible, contract-based system of government-registered relationships. So get ready. Today gay marriage supporters' mantra is, 'How does my same-sex marriage harm your marriage?' Down the road it may be, 'How does my marriage of two men and a woman harm your marriage?' If we don't answer the first question with resolve -- making clear that 'one man-one woman' is at the heart of marriage in Minnesota -- we may not have a chance to answer the second."
-- Katherine Kersten, Star Tribune, March 16, 2006
"Every society in the history of man has upheld the institution of marriage as a bond between a man and a woman. Why? Because society is based on one thing: that society is based on the future of the society. And that's what? Children. Monogamous relationships. In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be."
-- Sen. Rick Santorum, Associated Press interview, taped April 7, 2005
"Dr. Larry Bumpass, an emeritus professor of sociology at the University of Wisconsin's Center for Demography and Ecology, has long held that divorce rates will eventually reach or exceed 50 percent."
-- Dan Hurley, New York Times, April 19, 2005
So when I called the Strib to cancel my subscription today, it was, as is the norm these days, an automated customer service line that asks questions until an actual service rep becomes available. Answering a recording's inquiries always annoys me, as if a mime has approached me on the street and expects me to join in his antics, lest those around me enjoying the scene become dismayed and consider me an arrogant ass for not playing along like a huckleberry dumbshit.
What added insult to injury was the buffoonish pseudo-reality of the recording, which was enhanced with phony keyboard typing sounds, as if the disembodied voice was actually looking up my account, with a "yep, here it is" at the end of the clickity-clack sound effects. This is where the mime is pretending to pull oversized women's bloomers out of the back of my pants while I stand there smiling, wishing for a coronary. Of course, the recording was not pulling up my information, as the real person I spoke to afterward needed it all again. When I explained I preferred my daily paper bigot-free, I was then transferred to someone else for some reason to repeat my concern and finally dissolve the contract-based relationship.
I suspect the non-contract-based relationship with my girlfriend will suffer a bit of strain as I attempt to go all "man-on-dog" on her copy of the New York Times when it hits our front steps this Sunday.
Write Comment
Email to Friend
