Gossip

Akon: Konvicted Liar

Filed under: Music , Music

The Smoking Gun usually gives readers a heads-up on the circumstances under which a celebrity has been arrested and/or sent to jail. But their breaking story on Akon is a bit different: apparently the R&B singer, best known for his criminal background as detailed in prison weepie "Locked Up," actually exaggerated his jail time.

Fabricating a gangsta/street image can be a tricky thing: to successfully overcome a relatively ordinary upbringing, you need to fabricate details, but not over-do it -- something Ice Cube understood and Vanilla Ice didn't. Akon forgot this rule, or at least pushed it out of his brain to make room for vocoder instructions. His faux-criminal backstory has some major tells:

--He claimed to be the leader of an auto theft ring/chop shop. That's... kind of credible. But specializing in Porsches, Lamborghinis and Mercedes-Benzes? Really? Is there that huge a market for stolen exotic auto parts? The most successful chop shops specialize in Toyotas and Hondas and other makes that have millions of models on the streets, not some supercar with a six-figure price tag.

--On top of this, said chop shop allegedly catered not only to a criminal element, but to "celebrities." So apparently if Jay Leno's Gallardo threw a rod, Akon was his man.

--Akon's arrest came not from some tactical screwup or any sort of police work, but due to ungrateful underlings who ratted on him because they felt they weren't getting paid enough. This is the sort of thing you find in David Simon's wastebasket.

--Three years for leading a notorious auto theft ring? Three?

--Apparently, despite the fact that he weighed only 150 pounds, Akon eventually developed the ability to beat up any fellow prisoner who challenged him: "I knew where to hit you to knock you out, so I didn't fear you," he's claimed. So he's Maindrian Pace, Avon Barksdale and a skinnier version of Ving Rhames in Undisputed.

As it turns out, Akon did serve three years for a felony -- but the felony was gun possession, and the three years were probation. And his "auto theft ring" was a single stolen BMW for which he was never officially convicted.

Since this information inevitably would have come out, why take the risk? The discrepancy between the number of murders in "N.Y. State of Mind," "9mm Goes Bang," and "Peel Their Caps Back" and the number of people actually killed by Nas, KRS-One, and Ice-T is a pretty huge gulf (by which I mean the latter number is zero), but they didn't feel compelled to claim all their lyrics came from personal experiences. If Akon had just said "yeah I've been arrested a couple times, and I know people who've done time," and still recorded the same songs with the same "man, prison is hard" themes, would his career be any less healthy?

As it is, I'm already wondering if the dude he chucked off the stage last year was a trained professional wrestler.

Posted by Nate Patrin at April 17, 2008 3:02 PM | Comments (0)

 

How do lovebirds John Mayer and Jessica Simpson prepare for Valentine's Day?

Filed under: Gossip

They hang out at Bunker's. Duh.

Posted by Chuck Terhark at February 14, 2007 1:20 PM | Comments (2)

 

Jordis blogs, doesn't play Ascot Room

Filed under: Local Music , Local Music , Local Music , Local Music , Local Music , Local Music , Local Music , Local Music , Local Music

This post was revised on November 29 (see above); the following represents the corrected version: Some news about Jordis (alternate site here), the Rock Star INXS breakout from St. Paul: She has a new blog (here's her old one), and she has left Liars Club (formerly Fighting Tongs), who have changed their name to the Payback, and play a show on New Year's Eve in Minneapolis. (Catch up on the entire Jordis saga via MNSpeak.) The breakup news arrives via a correction from Gingerjake's Ian Severson to this post, which previously (and erroneously) reported that Jordis would be performing with Liars Club on New Year's Eve. She will not. Instead, she's pursuing a solo career, with a Sony debut due in early 2006. (Jordis doesn't post many details about performing on November 20 at the opening celebration for the Muhammad Ali Center in Louisville, Kentucky, but turns up in photos with Bill Clinton, Jim Carrey, and Ali himself.) As for New Year's, it's only one show, not two, as previously published, in the Quest Ascot Room, with Gingerjake (more here), Crashing By Design, and the Lid: Doors at 5:00 p.m., and it's over before 10:00 p.m., so you can still make that New Year's Party. $8 under 21; $20 for 21+, which includes "2 top-shelf drink tickets at $14 value." Call 612.338.3383 for advance tickets or keep checking www.thequestclub.com (currently down).

Posted by Peter S. Scholtes at November 22, 2005 8:48 PM | Comments (0)

 

Rob likes 'North Country,' Charlize Theron talks

Filed under: Film , Film , Film , Film , Film , Film , Film , Film , Film

Forget praise from the film's subject herself. My fears about North Country, opening Friday, were put to rest by Minnesota cinema connoisseur Rob Nelson in today's City Pages: "Minnesota-movie vets, including Chris Mulkey (Patti Rocks) and Frances McDormand (you betcha), were offered supporting roles as part of what could easily be seen as a show of respect for our cinematic tradition," writes Nelson. "(Boy-from-the-north-country Bob Dylan was tapped to supply a half-dozen vintage tunes.) And, consciously or not, [director Niki] Caro seems to be channeling the independent spirit of Wildrose (1984), John Hanson and Sandra Schulberg's little-seen classic about the struggles of an Eveleth divorcee (Lisa Eichhorn) working among sexist men at the Iron Range's Mesabi Mine." Read Rob's appreciation of The Heartbreak Kid for background (cover image here), and check out this social action organization spawned by North Country and Good Night, and Good Luck, with accompanying group blog. (See also: a hi-def North Country trailer, Ranger reactions, a real Ranger's preview, and other items in MNSpeak's search engine.) Theron and Caro will participate in a video-conference Q&A after a 7:00 p.m. screening tonight (Wednesday) at the Regal Eagan Cinema 16. A screening at Lagoon Cinema on Saturday at 1:30 p.m., sponsored by and benefiting Minnesota Women in Film and Television, will be followed by a panel discussion of sexual harassment in the workplace.

Posted by Peter S. Scholtes at October 19, 2005 5:50 PM | Comments (0)

 

Doomtree made into dolls at Robot Love

Filed under: Local Music , Local Music , Local Music , Local Music , Local Music , Local Music

The Minneapolis hip-hop crew Doomtree has been transformed into stuffed dolls by Rachel Sell, a Bloomington elementary school teacher with little previous sewing experience who is currently displaying the toys at Robot Love (2648 Lyndale Avenue South, 612.871.9393612.871.9393, www.robotlove.biz; click photo to enlarge, or check out this photo of the dolls in a club-like light). Sell says Doomtree commissioned and purchased the dolls (with each member owning his own figurine) after seeing her make similar ones for friends. Now she's launching a line of custom dolls called Play With Yourself (pwysdolls.com). "How it all started was, my friend Jenna was moving to New York," says Sell. "So I made myself, her boyfriend, and her old roommate into dolls so she could have us with her in New York. I know that sounds really cheesy, but the first week that she was there, she called me to say that it creepily was kind of consoling to have the dolls with her." Sell is busy sewing two more dolls for rockers, one for Andy Lund of the Swiss Army, one for James Lynch of newly arrived New York-Minneapolis rockers Beret. But voodoo dangers aside, isn't it a little weird and self-indulgent to have a doll made of yourself? "As far as I know, Andy's doll is just for him to play with."

Posted by Peter S. Scholtes at October 10, 2005 4:40 PM | Comments (2)

 

Crazy liberal looking stupid trying to help

Filed under: Gossip

I'm merely paraphrasing a Drudge Report headline noting Academy Award-winning actor Sean Penn's futile attempt to assist the victims of Hurricane Katrina. The linked story, from the Herald Sun, details Penn's misadventures in piloting a rescue boat that sprang a leak immediately after launch. Apparently the boat had been so over-loaded with members of Penn's entourage, including a personal photographer, one bystander asked, "How are you going to get any people in that thing?"

Posted by Corey Anderson at September 5, 2005 10:06 AM | Comments (0)

 

Josh Watch: Say it ain't so!

Filed under: Gossip

Bad news, Joshketeers: Star reports that Mr. Hartnett is shopping for real estate with buxom The Island culprit Scarlett Johansson. They're said to be looking for posh New York digs. (Look out SoHo, here come JoHar and ScarJo!) If only we could find a way to lure Josh back to the pebb'ly shores of Lake of the Isles, where he lived in less heady times.

Remember when Josh was a real Minnesotan, with that $8 monk's-tonsure haircut, blank, boyish gaze, and crappy roles opposite the likes of Shannyn Sossamon? He's totally gone Hollywood on us, with his unable-to-open-a-movie-yet-inexplicably-A-list girlfriend and Curtis Hansen cred. Looks like you get a D-minus in keepin' it real, Josh. A charitable D-minus.

Posted by Diablo Cody at August 25, 2005 3:17 PM | Comments (2)

 

G-Unit spent $6,000 at Wal-Mart

Filed under: Gossip

According to C.J. and the Owatonna People's Press, rap group G-Unit went on a $6,000 shopping spree at Wal-Mart in June, apparently resulting in two employees being fired for giving 10 percent discounts on two items totaling less than $50. Questions: Couldn't they have gone someplace that doesn't treat their employees like crap? And how could you possibly spend $6,000 at Wal-Mart?

Posted by Peter S. Scholtes at August 2, 2005 9:18 AM | Comments (0)

 

TC club gossip, the short version

Filed under: Gossip

The Clown Lounge is open again. Urban Wildlife's Rock Room is closed.

Posted by Peter S. Scholtes at June 16, 2005 5:10 AM