My Band

I'm starting a new band. The band is called Plrrrb. You won't be able to understand our music without a Berlitz Cantonese audio cassette and a particular decoder ring found in specially marked packages of All-Bran Junior ("Gets Kids Moving!). Even if you manage to get your filthy mitts on these items, Plrrrb will leave you flummoxed. Our name is a sound you cannot make with your mouth.

Oh, you'll make an ungraceful attempt to pronounce it ("Plurb is playing at the Entry") and then your friend Gareth will be like, "No dude, that's not how you say it." When pressed, Gareth will fail to provide an adequate pronunciation. He thinks he's so fucking cool because he's from California, but everyone knows Fresno doesn't count.

You like Plrrrb because we have a xylophone, and a female drummer with bouncing breasts and ironic pigtails. You like Plrrrb because our EP is on saffron-colored vinyl, and is called "Plrrrb for Always...And Always." And there's a vintage photo on the sleeve of a lady putting on mascara. And the liner notes are extremely cryptic; for instance, who is Renee, and why did we all thank her for the zucchini bread? Why does it say "Additional vocals by Adam Levine on Track 9," when said track ("Kill Pill Vamoose") consists solely of Celtic flute and the sound of a toilet being flushed?

Plrrrb is going to be way better than Snmnmnm and !!!

I hope they're wearing their baby diapers as per usual, because we're going to play the shit out of them.