Cue the Ohio Players

I want this. Badly. A single-rider private roller coaster would be the ultimate masturbatory toy for a ride geek like me.

I don't know why I love roller coasters so much, but I do. I have books about coasters, I memorize stats, I've made pilgrimages to remote parks. The best coaster I've ever ridden is the Phoenix, a double out and back Herb Schmeck at Knoebel's Grove. The negative Gs will lift your ass right out of that seat. There's only one classic woodie in Minnesota, The High Roller, and as you can see from the sleepy, unimpressed half-smiles on the passengers, it ain't that great. (I mean, I can't even tell if that guy in the front is happy or if it's just gas.) A good coaster should make you scream like Angelina Jolie is pounding your G-spot with a strap-on. Your "O face" should be in full effect.

This ride is fucking awesome, though. Look at that second photo. Glbrrh. I rode that one the day before my wedding; Jonny wisely abstained.