And since I'm on a roll with the flaws

My toenails are so long that I accidentally sliced an innocent bystander the other night while carelessly dancing the frug. They're very Max Schreck. I know I should trim them, but I want to see if they'll get curly like that Indian dude in the Guiness Book.

My head feels like it's full of marbles and Benadryl. I hate hangovers, especially the really mild ones that shouldn't even bother manifesting. Go visit some sloppy college bitch in Muncie and leave me alone, Hangover. I'm a fucking pro.