Let's Be Gross in 2006

Hey! Jonny and I did a guest Walshfiles this week! Thanks, Jim Walsh!

WE ARE YELLING!

I just took a very pensive shower. As my servants doused me in milk and honey, I thought about scatalogical humor and how it relates to women. It's so unfair how there are all these awesomely vulgar movies featuring the "Frat Pack" (whom I admittedly adore), but women never get in on the gross-out action. Can you imagine Reese Witherspoon soliciting a game of "just the tip" or Gwyneth Paltrow playing a scotch-soused anchorwoman who plays jazz flute and flings burritos out her car window? You might argue that those actresses don't bill themselves as comedians, but the formula doesn't even work if you insert Amy Poehler or Laura Kightlinger. Sure, you can visualize it happening--Amy Poehler could arguably play a clueless lech even more brilliantly than Vince Vaughn. But it's not likely to happen. Not this year. As far as big, shiny comedic roles for women go, we're stuck with Elle Woods and bumbling FBI agents-turned-pageant queens. Lame roles. Pretty roles.

I think Sarah Silverman (whom I dig) is the exception to the rule. Her racial schtick goes down easy because she's female and a hot piece. I don't think anyone else could get away with those bits. It's a pretty clever trick. I'd love to write a movie for her. We could ram clams in her trailer.

Remember The Sweetest Thing? That was sort of a valiant attempt to do the chicks-as-vulgarians thing on a large scale. Too bad it sucked. However, I rewatched Vanilla Sky on cable last night, and holy crap was Cameron Diaz good in that movie. She was so scary. Reptilian. She should play villains and tragic bitches more often. Someone write these fucking parts!

P.S. If Trey Parker and Matt Stone were women, they'd have been drummed out of Hollywood by now. No one would accept or bankroll scandalous shit like that if it came from the mouths of babes.