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Analyze This

After writing today's entry, I realized that I constantly have dreams about either a.) chicks with dicks or b.) guys with pies. This must symbolize something, but what?

First, there was the infamous "Stephen King's Vagina" dream, in which I fucked Mr. King in a strange bed after he revealed his disturbingly girlish pussy to me. Oookay. Jonny supposes it was an ego dream, like "I'm such hot shit I'm going to literally make the world's best-selling author my bitch." I don't think I'm that monstrously confident, even on a subconscious level. But it was kind of fun.

A few weeks later, I had a dream I was making out with this blonde stripper. The blonde lowers her pants so I can lick her out. Only she has--you guessed it--a penis. Even weirder, she's wearing some kind of bizarre colostomy bag-type contraption and her penis is encased in glass tubing. She smiles apologetically. I reel at how wounded her dick looks. It looks as if it's been pulped by a steel-toed boot and the tube is its one salvation. The dick is withering before my eyes like an orchid, all livid shades of salmon and purple. I gulp with resignation and lower my head to service her.

There have been more of these dreams. I obviously have some kind of hang-up pertaining to mismatched and malfunctioning genitalia. Sexually, these images does nothing for me; in fact, the dreams usually end with me feeling squicked out and frustrated. So what's the ish? Psych majors?

Posted by Diablo Cody at January 25, 2006 11:57 PM

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