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Village Voice
The Great Walls of Chinatown
With the exception of the electric rice cookers, this Bowery tenement could have come straight from the Nineteenth Century.
By Elizabeth Dwoskin
Houston Press
Getting Off
DUI attorney Tyler Flood wins 80 percent of his trials--even if his clients were 100 percent drunk.
By Mike Giglio
Miami New Times
Park or Die Tryin'
From the homeless parking mafia to the meter fairy, finding a spot in Miami has taken a turn toward the surreal.
By Gus Garcia-Roberts

Maturity

Look, I got Angelina Jolie pregnant! My fertile saliva made it so. Watch and learn, all you primitive, mud-daubed fools who still copulate the Old Fashin't way...

We'd better practice safer sex from now on. This tissue-thin lambskin condy from Kuwait should do the trick! Angelina adores my life-giving spittle.

Uh-oh! Lindsay Lohan's here! And look who's a bottom! Take it like a man, Red! Right now we're listening to "Laffy Taffy" on my bumpin' system. And LiLo's all "This is my jam, girl! Give it to me hard like you did to your brother and that Chinese girl!"