Yes, I Was Once an Adolescent

I just received a message from a friend informing me that someone was selling high-school era photos of me on eBay. Apparently the bidding got up to $25.03, a fair price for ancient snaps of A TOTAL NOBODY. Sadly, the cherished item must have been sold, as I was unable to find it during a search. Why didn't I think of this? I could have bundled the photos with a "personal effect" and dramatically increased the value of the lot.

L@@K! HS TEEN PIX OF LETTERMAN'S DIABLO CODY! W **USED**/TAMPAX PEARL. MINT!!!

(Seller accepts PayPal, check, cash, Teddy Grahams, loving touches, reassurances of sanity.)

People: I am not Corey Haim, OK? An image of me is essentially without value. If you want to see old photos, come on over and I'll dust off the albums. I was a skinny little whore, usually tented in flannel. Nothing to see here, really. Resume searching for "matt dillon spunk sock".

In other news, I am totally obsessed with Big Love. The guy carrying drywall into my house looks like a rapist.

My screenplay got some props in this week's Entertainment Weekly. I agree with the writer's assertion that we'll need a top-shelf cast-- are you reading, Brigitte Nielsen? Blackberry me!

Barnabas has recently begun ardently humping his doggie bed. He's totally going Eric Nies on it. I guess this means my boy is an adolescent now. Maybe I should sell some HS PIX!!! of him on eBay.